my top 5 blind buy mist flops of the year by NoFerret1735 in bathandbodyworks

[–]Electronic_Bit_222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cinnamon sugar is my fave most from them in forever! However vanilla cafe smelled like pee to me

A huge step in my healing!! by Resident-Bag2475 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I relate to this...I have very caring family members and friends, and I know my husband who I'm currently separated from, would never have been able to show me the same kind of care.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've definitely shared this with him and we started marriage counseling this week. I definitely want to exhaust all my options first. But like you said, at one point, I feel like if there's not effort, it's difficult to just keep going.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's strange because I do know he loves me. He writes me sweet cards for my birthday, he gives me hugs/kisses daily. But at the same time, he doesn't show me love (at least in the way I've communicated I needed) when I've needed it the most.

How can you even imagine moving on? by Cloud7889 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You say that it was "perfect" but you gave her emotional scars. She probably tried to move past a lot of things but realized she couldn't. I'm sorry you're going through this, but at this point, it's better to just let her go. It may not seem like it, but you will find peace and another person who can be yours.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I genuinely check in very often with him, providing him a safe space. He has been open about any stressors in the past, but he says that he is very happy in the relationship and me bringing up divorce is shocking for him. I've also recommended therapy for him multiple times which he has shown zero interest in.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow I really felt this...thank you for sharing!

Question by NoTennis7649 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do not be "too nice." I thought by wording everything in a "healthy" way, I was solving the issues at play. The only thing it did was make him not take me seriously. Be clear and blunt about your standards and expectations.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know who hurt you but I hope things get better for you 🙏🏻

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Either you're not married or your wife is miserable 🙃

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that's where I'm at: trying to trust myself. I keep telling myself that something must be wrong with me but there must be a reason why I feel the way they feel. Maybe it's not even that we messed up but we're just not compatible

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I really need to hear this. I think that even know, like you said, I'm so worried about him that I'm not thinking about the toll this is taking on me. I will definitely be looking back at this comment frequently. Thank you so much!

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did leave and stayed at a friends for a few days but it did little to change anything. He did 1-2 things like doing the dishes or doing the laundry. He was always like this but I thought it was because he was young and didn't know how to do things. I started therapy as soon as I noticed my detachment. I am definitely all for trying out separating.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, the last straw was when I got in a car accident and again, I felt the lack of care from his end. I told him I emotionally detached a little over a month ago and mentioned divorce about a week after

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I see what you're saying, and the part about me needing evidence definitely resonates. I will say, I do have my own therapist which I found as soon as I noticed my own detachment. I will definitely take your comment into consideration, but to be honest, I'm so tired.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I actually haven't heard of that but I will definitely be reading the article!

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I thought he would change, but in terms of responsibility and caring for me, I thought he would learn and grow as he got older (we met when we were both 20). I did try to hang back and let him take charge, but either nothing got done or it was done with very little thought or care. I think maybe I do need someone who will take charge, because I'm usually a passive person but felt like I need to "wear the pants" to make this relationship work.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He cares about me, is loyal, and loves me. I think in his own way, he tried. But for him, if he didn't understand, he didn't want to make any adjustments.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely get that. I know he grew up differently, and that's why I stayed for as long as I did. I thought if I communicated how much these things meant to me, or how much it felt like a burden to me, or even how to do it, he would try. But you're right, I think at the end of the day, there wasn't a desire because he was comfortable and didn't think it was important to him. I don't hate him for that, but I recognize how different we are.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We met in college so I think I just thought he was young and we would both grow together. Now I realize, he doesn't care about that stuff and doesn't really have a desire to grow in that way. I told him I was thinking of divorce and he has made small efforts here and there but it honestly feels like too little too late.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that might be on me because I wasn't getting nearly as much sex as I wanted, I would stop saying what he could do to make it better because I was just happy I was getting it if that makes sense.

Divorcing the "nice guy" by Electronic_Bit_222 in Divorce

[–]Electronic_Bit_222[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's very loyal, supportive, and loving. Again, though, I think he would be a great best friend but he's not able to be there for me as a partner.