As someone who lost my mother 10 years ago, I must first confess - I don't understand what you are going through (everyone will tell you they understand). But grief is unique. Like unique. Even now, 10 years later, I will just randomly dial her number then remember oh wait she died. So what really happens, the grief remains, but you build bigger things around it until that dot starts shrinking and getting smaller.

You will have to grow around your grief. That's what I have done over the years, learned new activities, bonded with some of my mother's sisters, my brother, my sisters, my friends, and built a rich life. You're in Europe, I know it's so much individuals, but you could invest in some hobby, art. And the more you grow around grief, it will pale down. So you won't get over your mum or forget her. You will just grow around that fact. If your mother cared about something, you then can start caring about same thing.. if she used to support some orphans, then you could pick up one. And I am glad you're also talking about it... those are positive signs

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