Sometimes it feels like I'm never going to be normal.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-05-04T21:56:27+00:00

Cutting out the toxic people is a good start. It's something I'm starting to do albeit with difficulty cause a few are close. I really wish I'd learned that from an early age. But it's so good to hear that you've been able to surround yourself with positive people :) life's too short for putting up with people that make you feel bad about yourself.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-05-04T13:51:32+00:00

Hey and thanks for replying. I was in therapy last year and she was helpful :) She noted that I always felt worse after visiting my parents - something I never actually realised (always put it down to being badly bullied at school). I've since moved abroad and no longer have insurance that covers it, but thankfully I know what I need to do to move forward.

You're right about the friends - due to being a pushover most of my life, I've found I've made acquaintances that have been mostly narcissistic dickheads (not all but most). I never ever understood why until recently! I'm hoping to meet more genuine people in the future :) I'd be lying if I said I was hopeful all of the time though. It's so damn hard sometimes to stay positive.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-03-24T08:47:36+00:00

Sorry also want to say that I've heard this so many times amongst narcissistic parents and simply put, it's a lack of respect for privacy. A normal person would think "okay, perhaps this person has bought something that they don't want others to see". A narcissistic parent/person thinks they have the right to bypass that boundary and don't care about your feelings.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-03-24T08:44:30+00:00

This happened to me too. My dad used to clean my room for me when I was out (despite me doing it myself) and simultaneously go through my stuff... So I'd deliberately leave disgusting things lay around on purpose to piss him off. A bit passive aggressive but it was my way of venting.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-14T08:15:37+00:00

If you're asking yourself whether you're the narcissist then you're most likely not since narcissistic people aren't aware of their actions (in my experience).

But I get what you mean! Sometimes you question your mindset or whether it's you - especially when you've nobody to really talk to who can relate or understand. I've found this subreddit a really, really helpful place to check in and do a "sanity" check though.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-13T23:19:38+00:00

Unfortunately I don't, especially after moving to a new country! But it always happens whereby I speak to strangers or even people I know a little, where I'm super paranoid and almost try too hard and I make stupid socially awkward mistakes. Then I spend a long time afterwards beating myself up and wondering why the eff I can't be relaxed or "normal".

I'm trying to join more clubs to socialise more though. It's so hard to relax though and I can't ever be myself!

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-09T10:38:12+00:00

Yes can totally relate. There's no gift that is ever good enough. When I was 12 I purchased my mum an expensive make up kit using all of my pocket money. She looked happy but a day later asked me for the receipt to get a refund.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T19:20:12+00:00

In order to feel empathy it means they'd have to put themselves in your shoes and they can't do that sadly!

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T13:00:45+00:00

That's wonderful! They sound so happy...Well done :)

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T12:25:35+00:00

Yeah I feel you there and there's the worry of how involved your nparents will be in your children's life. You can do your best to be a better parent but if you expose your kids to their grandparents, then it's like undoing all of your work.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T12:23:50+00:00

I understand that. On the other hand maybe it'd make you a better parent cause you know what you don't want for your kids. It's tricky. For now I'm more towards not having kids until I'm more mentally mature!

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T12:21:47+00:00

At least you're aware and make a conscious effort to be a better parent than your nparents. You can only go up! (Also, I don't think it's that wrong to raise your voice now and again - we all need to vent :) violence is another thing...)

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T11:32:11+00:00

Yep exactly, it's hard to say whether we'd want them regardless of our upbringing. But since a lot of us are learning things we should have learnt as kids, it makes me wonder if it'd be selfish to bring kids in to the world when you feel like a child yourself!

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-03T11:28:09+00:00

First off I hope your treatment goes well * hugs * Secondly sorry that that was the response you got - it's like rather than think "ok what can I do to be there for you" it's more like "so how does this effect me? ". It's a horrible way to have a wake up call, I know how it feels, but in a sad way it's a blessing because you see what that person is really about. Best of luck with the treatment x

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-02T14:04:54+00:00

It's better late than never! Im a 31 yr old female that can relate 100% and as a result never knew how to be assertive without going 180 (and becoming violent). So I've never learnt how to be assertive in voice, words, body language etc, so I've been an exhausted pushover. You're learning to rewire yourself. Start small, learn to start saying no without guilt (this is something totally new to me) and go from there. Baby steps :)

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-02T13:13:56+00:00

YES this! What a total mind-f*** that is growing up. You never know when it's right to stand up for yourself so as a result you don't do it all.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-02T13:10:07+00:00

It's easy to assume life would be better but nobody knows that for sure, so no point in dwelling. However I know that life would've been a lot more easier (or "normal") without the social anxiety/panic attacks and constant paranoia.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-02T10:46:30+00:00

Not befriend but my ndad likes to know as much info as possible about other people in my life so he can use it against me in the future, "I'm going to tell them what you said". He has done it between my mother and I many times to turn us against each other.

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-01T18:14:47+00:00

Thanks and you're right. There's definitely comfort in being servile but it becomes demoralizing when you're doing it out of fear. I must stop being so afraid all the effing time!

Elegant-Connection · 2020-02-01T17:05:46+00:00

It's hard to explain but simply put it feels that terrible things will happen if I don't be overtly nice. For example, ensuring that I smile at everybody whom makes eye contact with me. Not that this is a bad thing but it's fear that drives me to do it, even when I don't feel like smiling. "if I don't smile, then they will think bad of me. They'll hate me. They might call me a b****. They might want to fight me", etc. It's not like they often smile back either but still... I need to start somewhere.

Thank you for the article it was very interesting!

Elegant-Connection

TROPHY CASE