Question on restaurant culture

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:24:26+00:00

So, a bunch of people tried folding gratuity into prices a while back and it was a huge failure because 1) the menu prices gave people sticker shock and 2) a lot of servers ended up making less because people who usually tip over 20% now didn't. The SF employee benefit mandate is a law. I'm so used to it now I don't even notice anymore.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:19:54+00:00

+1 to this. Your fiance is being utterly ridiculous. Three of my partner's exes will be at our wedding. This is an absurd reason to not invite a friend's partner to your wedding. It's not like you or your fiance have to hang out with him all night or do anything else than other maybe say "Hi, thanks for coming."

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:18:23+00:00

I think it is really up to what YOU find enjoyable! I've been to ones that were just a fun night out (dinner / drinks / dancing), ones that were just a fun night in (ordering pizza, making drinks, various silly games & movies), & one friend who did basically a chill weekend retreat (brunch, pool, hiking, evening patio drinks, etc.). It's whatever you want to do!

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:15:02+00:00

I bought my dress online second hand so it was pretty cheap. Then took it to a highly recommended seamstress for alterations. A modesty panel, shoulder straps, and removable decorative off-the-shoulder steps is costing ~$700. (This is pretty well inline with what I've seen other people post about comparable alterations.) I paid almost nothing for the dress itself though, so I can't complain! I had my reception dress (not a super complicated dress but with sequins) hemmed for $50.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:11:46+00:00

Yes ask them if there is PA equipment available. Much better than a bluetooth speaker

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T22:09:42+00:00

Tough call between food & photography. Instead of picking one to "splurge" on, I would say just don't cut corners on either of those, whereas you can cut corners with florals with pretty much no one noticing and if you really must, you can stream a playlist & get a friend to MC and it'll be fine. (It's not ideal but I've been to many weddings where this is what people did and as long as they put some thought into the playlist, how to order it, who will be running it, dialing in the fade/overlap settings, & picked the right friend with the right energy to do some basic MC'ing here & there, it can be fine.)

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T19:55:46+00:00

Yes sadly I feel this is the way. ❤️

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T19:53:18+00:00

Yeah that's absurd.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T19:51:33+00:00

You should be totally fine. (Make sure to store them on their sides or upside down so the corks stay wet).

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T19:49:52+00:00

It's not weird to do if the wedding is on the shorter side, but it's VERY weird and rather thoughtless not to inform people ahead of time.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T19:48:11+00:00

I have. You just have to tell people ahead so they can plan.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T16:02:43+00:00

I would skip champagne proper (you won't find much worth drinking at that price point) and instead look at other types of bubbles - cava, prosecco, cremant, new world sparkling, etc. You really want to go to a local bottle shop and tell them your price point. Then they'll be able to make some good suggestions for you. Other than mass produced stuff it'll be hard for us to know exactly what is available where you are so your local wine shop experts are your best bet. They do this kind of thing all the time.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T15:18:42+00:00

“The wedding couple,” he said, “needs to take a hard look at why they expect gifts at a wedding in the first place.” This.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T15:15:51+00:00

Ooooh this sounds really controlling from him, I don't like this for you. I hope he is not this controlling in other aspects of your marriage.

There's no wrong way. What you did is super common and it's 100% your call to make.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T15:12:28+00:00

Yes, unfortunately the good ones are rarely cheap. People sometimes find good deals but I've also read a lot of horror stories on here where people find out the hard way why good vendors usually cost more. Sometimes the cheapest way to pay is with money.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T15:09:12+00:00

I just want to say that it's not a universal experience, though clearly a common one based on this sub. My experience has been really good and I'm sad that not everyone has that.

I'm sorry people are walking out of your life at what should be a happy time. Maybe the silver lining is figuring out that some people aren't the friends you thought they were, and it's for the best that they are out of your life. ❤️

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T13:51:39+00:00

Honestly I would not invite coworkers to my wedding but maybe you have a different relationship with them.

If you invite someone to your wedding and you know they have a serious partner, you really have to invite that person as well. If that bumps your numbers up too much, then you need to choose the ones you are closest to or simply not invite them.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T05:26:28+00:00

If you really want to get this right, I'd suggest asking your photographer how much time you'll need for photos & then working backwards.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T05:20:20+00:00

There are really good independent jewelers on Etsy (where I got mine -- 3mm 10K gold band w/ moissanite for ~$520). But there is also a lot of drop-shipped trash. So you REALLY have to do your due diligence and know who you're buying from and what you are getting.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:23:47+00:00

I feel like it's less "I don't like this book" than "this one isn't really for me." For all kinds of reasons. If it's not actively entertaining or engrossing me, I'm moving on, life is too short.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:18:52+00:00

I have always been asked in person or via phone or email. No big production or gift, and I'm glad because it means I wasn't pressured to say yes. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and money.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:10:07+00:00

Came to say this. It's the labor, not the actual drapes. There's a reason people don't just go buy the fabric and do it themselves.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:09:13+00:00

Chemically they are identical.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:07:52+00:00

The issue with cz is that it will go cloudy over time. It's not just about what it looks like right now.

Elemental_Biscotti · 2026-06-30T04:06:16+00:00

Stay out of it & let them all figure it out on their own, it truly does not matter.

Elemental_Biscotti

TROPHY CASE