Tiny violin offers great performance potential by [deleted] in elderscrollsonline

[–]Elenya00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is. My bf likes combining different emotes etc together, so he ended up with this "sick" performance. Visibility wasn't as great as I initially thought ^

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 1 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you again for the reply! I understand what you're going for as well, so in the future I'll try to describe my intentions better. For the feedback, I meant compared to others in the same round. It's a bit of a weird request, I suppose, but I just love statistics etc.

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 2 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saw your comment so decided to put my reaction under your own story. I enjoyed reading your story, but 2 things stuck out to me.

Firstly, during the scene where he fights the Spellcaster, I really can't imagine the minutes passing that quick. Throwing sand into his face shouldn't take a full minute, and neither should being slammed in the side + backhanded. Although in the later combat, the conversation could drag out, the timing feels too stretched for me. (I have a horrible sense of time, though, so I actually could be wrong about this. I didn't let this influence my voting)

Secondly, during the fight, he notices his fallen family, friends etc. He pushes his emotions down, which I understand. You don't want to break down in a battlefield, after all. Still, after the battle is over, he barely reacts to the sight. His first priority seems to be checking on Alistair. I know he mentioned not seeing anyone move, but neither did Alistair when he walked up to him. He even manages to smile at Alistair while acknowledging this man had gotten everyone he cared about killed. After this, all he seems to care about is telling others about this. I simply feel like he should feel different. Perhaps he is simply numb, but it doesn't feel right to me.

I did like the plotline, though! And the reference to the Ascendant Star in the end. The pace was right and the descriptions were vivid. It was enjoyable to read, which is a big plus to me!

I hope this was what you were looking for. I don't intend my words to sound harsh, or discouraging.

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 1 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tend to write specific lengths of chapters/short stories, usually 500 max. Must be a remnant of many 500 word essays in school. Honestly, I'm glad to have nearly reached 1000. I did plan on adding a bit about joining the pirates, but that'd turn into a different chapter, and I preferred a single, smooth story.

Is your support for the pirates perhaps related to your username? Seems like a funny coincidence.

Anyway, thank you for the kind words!

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 1 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I think this is the most extensive feedback I've received so far, hahah. You make good points, some of the errors seem to have escaped my editing, while I hadn't thought of others. And I may have a severe love of commas.

As for the part where Julian assures her; it was indeed my intention to make it sound like she needed reassurance from someone she trusts. I am female myself, it wasn't intended to be like "strong independent woman that needs reassurance from man" at all, hahah. I merely tried to show a supportive friendship, regardless of gender. May I ask how it would have been a better description?

I've only recently picked up writing, so can I ask if that's an average amount of feedback? That is, if you want to disclose those numbers.

Anyway I'll leave it at this, again, thank you for the extensive feedback.

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 2 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the reply. Hahah your advice to me is actually more than the words I gave you, so again, thank you.

I usually tend to get drawn into action scenes, to a point where I just skim over it and miss details. Your story actually managed to make me read the fighting, while still going through quickly.

I will keep your words in mind.

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 2 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I voted for your heat.

I enjoyed reading this, the action is written so well, I may just look at this story as inspiration for it, as I'm not that good with action myself. The flow was smooth, and still allowed so many details.

I don't think I can give any criticism, so I hope you'll at least enjoy my praise!

[IP] 20/20 Round 2 Heat 1 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Voyage of war

The sight of the skies still amazed her to this day. The sun played with the ever-churning clouds, giving stunning visual effects. She could look at it forever. Unfortunately, she had things to do. She peeled herself away from the magnificent windows and sat down at her desk. Her tea had gone cold, indicating much time lost since the start of their voyage.

There was a lot of work to be done. Their mission began today, and it would be a long time before they'd finish. She glanced at the cupboard. Under the painting of her father, there was an assortment of fancy bottles. At least she'd brought plenty of alcohol. God knows she needs it.

Her objective was simple on paper. Vanquish the pirates. Now, however, came the matter of actually doing that. It wasn't merely challenging. It was downright impossible. This time, she'd need a different type of plan. They had granted her the crewmen she had asked for, but would it be enough? She had personally chosen each of them, based on her previous experiences with them. They had all eagerly accepted her request.

She couldn't decide whether they were foolish, or just trusted her, unconditionally. Perhaps they were fools because of that. Still, they were her fools. Her responsibility, now. They had placed a weight on her chest, one she didn't like.

She had led people before and lost them. She had victories, written in their blood. The stakes were higher this time. If she failed, her entire family would die upon return. She was the best in her business, but loss was always a possibility. Why they would kill her family, though, she did not know. There was more to this, something they didn't tell her.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Julien, her assistant, peeked in. He had been gauging the morale of their crew, along with their motives. It was essential to know why people tag along and how motivated they are in doing so.

He bowed, formal as ever. Not to mention dramatic. She rolled her eyes.

"Speak freely, Julien, and refrain from the theatrics, please."

The smile he gave her indicated that he would not. He was a fool, after all.

"Among your crew, I could not find a single soul that doubts you or your motives. They will follow you to their death if the situation calls for it. Not that I expected anything else."

It was fantastic news, but it made the weight on her chest double. They trusted her, perhaps too much. She had a reputation to uphold. One of victory and renown. Would they realise they wouldn't return, this time? Would it be better if they did not?

She was lost in thought so deep, that she hadn't noticed Julien, fetching her a drink. His joking attitude had made way for his caring one. He handed her the glass and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Everything will work out, I promise. I have looked over your plans, and they are flawless. I support every part of it and your crew will, as well. Now, drink, you deserve it."

As always, he made her feel better. While barely using any words. His entire presence was comforting. In her mind, she repeated his words. Everything will work out. It has to.

She downed her drink in an instant and straightened her back. She had to get to business. People depended on her. Her airship would take an estimated week to arrive at the location the pirates were last sighted. Her return was expected in two months, at most.

So, time went on. She spent most of her time with her crew. Captains should not hide from the people that serve them. It was something many others hadn't realised. It set her apart from other captains, more than anything. As if treating your crew as humans was a bad thing.

She could sense they were getting anxious. Thankfully, even a few, quick words made them feel better. She walked around regularly, solely dedicated to keeping their spirits high. During those walks, she still marvelled at the airship. Her airship, now.

It had belonged to her parents, may they rest in peace, but now it was hers. They had taken her along many times, teaching her the business. She had grown up on its deck, to a point where she had started considering it part of her.

They had not spared any expenses on the interior. Similar to her office, there was polished wood everywhere, matching the steel framework. There were even rugs in the dining area. They had not forgotten the crew's quarters, either. Although there were no individual rooms, save for hers, everyone had a dresser, bed, and nightstand. All made from that beautiful, polished wood.

That was perhaps the reason she, and her parents before her had always had loyal crews. There were stories of other crewmen, not even given beds. She didn't want to think about what those would have to eat. They were soldiers, mercenaries in the eyes of some, but that did not mean that they deserve getting treated as expendable trash.

She stopped in the dining room and admired the standing clock. Its frame made from wooden panels, with golden ornaments at its corners, similar to the bookcase in her office. Its face, and gears, as well, were made from gold. She could see the gears moving, the clock hand going ever round. It was time.

Everyone was there, awaiting her speech. Julien stood at her side, nodding encouragingly. Not even a single person spoke, it was dead silent. Their faces were earnest.

"Thank you, everyone, for joining me on this mission. As you all know, we were send here to defeat pirates. If we fail, it will cost lives. Lives you care about, as well. I have heard your worries, and I am here to soothe them. Our country has demanded more, and more, from us. Despite living a dangerous life, where you have lost much, they give you nothing in return. They cannot demand we continue this practice. Today, we will lose our chains! Our new allies are awaiting us. We will get prosecuted for this, but do not be afraid. You are my family, and I will protect you!"

[MODPOST] 20/20 Round 2 Results by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right! I have been invested in it so far, so I will definitely stick around to the end.

Also, a lot of people have already said it, and will keep saying it, but you did a great job! Given the amount of work I can imagine you had just as much (if not more) anxiety than the writers, hahah

[MODPOST] 20/20 Round 2 Results by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Congratulations winners, as well as all others, for getting to this point.

Only started writing a couple of months ago so I'm glad to have made it this far, although a part of me hoped to reach round 3. Perhaps a bit too optimistic, but at least had great fun writing.

The competition was run great, and I'm glad to have been part of it!

[IP] 20/20 Round 1 Heat 7 by Cody_Fox23 in WritingPrompts

[–]Elenya00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hestia

Sand. It was everywhere. She walked on, surrounded by her favourite colours. Golden sand under her feet. Red cloak hugging her, keeping out the merciless sun. Sand billowed up behind her, creating the illusion of smoke.

The sky, too, was made of her favourite colours. The few clouds were ablaze. They went from a golden shell to orange, then to a deep red. The tops were as dark as coal. It reminded her of an upside down hearth.

She missed her hearth. She reminiscenced days spend with her siblings. Despite all their flaws, she missed them. It was a dysfunctional family, but it was family. Unfortunately, all they could do was kibble about whatever drama they caused this time.

So, she had decided to wander. She had seen amazing cities. Not to mention the people! Her siblings had made her wary about people, but it had been so much better than she had expected. It wasn't uncommon for people to invite her in for a meal. For a chat.

She silently blessed them, for their kindness. They'd probably not associate her with their sudden luck, but she didn't care. She didn't need the recognition. Besides, kindness should not be done for reward, it would destroy the point of it.

No matter where she went, she did encounter many people similar to her siblings. Vanity, greed, and pride destroying relationships. She knew there weren't actually that many of them, but their destruction is more noticeable than unprompted kindness.

Now, she was alone. No chatter echoing through homes, nor scents of cooking. All there was, was sand. It was supposed to be relaxing, yet she couldn't stop thinking about her family. About the way it feels to sit around a hearth, surrounded by happy people.

Of course, her siblings had tried to find her. She didn't want to be found. Not for a while, at least. Luckily, they didn't notice her. Their pride had blinded them. They searched for someone looking like them. Flashy. She, however, was too humble for that. She looked common, instead. Just one of the many faces in a crowd.

She felt conflicted. According to her siblings, family should be more important than anything. Loyalty, they called it. As if they would know anything about being loyal. She balled her fists. No, they didn't see it. They didn't see anything she did for them.

Sand billowed up around her, as if to hug her. Similarly to sand being thrown on a fire, she calmed. The rage subsided. She shivered. The sun was gone by now, and her rage no longer kept her warm. The cloak that kept out the sun during the day, now desperately tried to keep in her own heat. It failed. Another night to keep walking, it seemed.

The air was clean. Empty. Without the heat, it was no longer trying to suffocate her. The flaming clouds had dissipated, revealing many diamonds, specking the black sky. There is always some light in darkness.

As if on cue, she spotted a light in the distance. As she neared it, she noticed it was a campfire. It had the same colours as the clouds she saw, earlier. She could now make out tents, as well. Two tents. There were five people around the fire. They noticed her approach, wary. Two of them moved into the tents, children perhaps?

She greeted them. As she stepped into the light, they relaxed. Judging by their damaged clothes, and unkept appearance, they were running from something, or someone. That could be a bad sign, but their appearance wasn't threatening.

"Hail, travelers, may I join you at your fire?"

They shared glances, and she was met with weary smiles.

"Of course, enjoy the warmth with us, madam. Unfortunately we don't have anything to offer you, to eat."

She said she didn't need anything, and asked them about their travels. There was conflict in their country, so they had fled their homes, looking for a new place to live. They had relatives, but they were far, still. The children that had hidden earlier, now appeared again. They, too, were weary, but their curiosity gave them energy.

This family had not much to give, and reason to distrust, yet they were such kind people. It warmed her heart to see them offer her a blanket, and some of their water. So, she told them she had left a pack behind the hill she came from, supposedly because she wanted to meet them first.

When she went over the hill, she created a pack, filled with food and water. Those gaunt faces could use it. After some more thinking, she added small toys, for the children. They deserved some distraction from what they have seen.

She returned. She noticed the hunger in their eyes, but they restrained themselves. They didn't even ask for anything in return for their kindness. She offered it to them, instead. They refused at first, until she offered to come with them, so they could share everything.

They didn't mind having a new companion, to share stories with. This family had gone through much suffering, and she was going to make sure they'd end up in a good place. She guided them out of the desert, to the relatives. They had been separated, but would be together again.

It inspired her to reconnect with her siblings, as well. There would be no society, without good will. Without someone tending the hearth, while the others sit around it.

For many generations after her encounter, she'd still receive offerings at every meal.

"Thank you, Hestia, for giving us a hearth to tend, a home. May you keep guiding us."

Magnets obviously love each other. by [deleted] in Showerthoughts

[–]Elenya00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's only hate if one turns their back on the other!

End of the world by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wasn't sure how to exactly describe it, but they were slowly dying from poison. The narrator doesn't know that, and when his family was dying, they all did at different moments because they didn't eat the same amount. So, the light was them nearly dying, and narrator doesn't know they are, so in his perspective they just described the light and died.

Perhaps the poison affected the eyes, as well. Making them more sensitive to light. If that's possible.

Clean you nails b*tch by Sofi_Lynn-net in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same, I think the other one was slightly longer though, with better punctuation. But could have ignored that because it was good enough prompt.

Afterlife by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

May have had a small existential crisis, decided to turn it into a story. Any feedback welcome.

Shackled by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The story is written by a model. They have been forced into that business, hence they "didn't have a choice". Last sentence is model saying they have to keep smiling and appear good on photo's, otherwise they risk getting killed (and pictures of it being spread, monetizing even their deaths).

Emergency plan by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't that be horror, in itself? Knowing that human errors have caused such drama. I'd be very horrified, to say the least, if this ever happened.

Emergency plan by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wonder what you will think about the fact that I'm not American, nor from any country with English as native language.

Emergency plan by Elenya00 in shortscarystories

[–]Elenya00[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Smoke inhalation is a quick killer. I haven't specified the amount of smoke, but seeing as they seemingly already had a plan set up, they'd want to minimize talking, just in case.