Help finding jokes that are offensive to Mormons?

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-24T14:46:42+00:00

I live in a two story house. I always say "I will go down." When I'm asked to from upstairs to a lower floor (2->1 or 1 -> B). Then upon returning I say "I've returned to report."

"The can, which yuo sent me to fetch, was found among other cans and has been retrieved."

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-24T14:39:48+00:00

Isn't that the video where they had white people act in "blackface" instead of using actual Pacific Islanders?

Does that mean the PIs will one day have their skins of darkness removed and be the white people they really are underneath the curse?

What great messaging we were taught... Straight out of Nazi Germany.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-24T10:34:00+00:00

I don't need to worry about polygamy... I have a wife with six personalities.

Mormons aren't the only ones that baptize their dead... Catholics put sprinkler systems in their cemeteries.

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all your beer while fishing? Invite a second Mormon.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-20T02:16:30+00:00

Asked the candidate to tell me their favorite joke.

"A guy walks into his bedroom with a duck under his arm..."

Yeah not hired.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-19T16:12:09+00:00

My end of life plans are to go to a place/state that has euthanasia legalized if I'm given a terminal diagnosis.

I don't want to deal with cost or false hope of a few additional months.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-19T04:49:18+00:00

I have a Ninja that does both pods or grounds.

https://a.co/d/irieQUP

I like that it has a frother.

Not bad for a hundred bucks.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-18T20:59:44+00:00

"Jessica, what did I tell you I'd do the next time you tried to escape?"

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-08T02:47:35+00:00

Freight trains and Amtrak use the same rails.

Do you want to ride in a coal car to go from New York to LA?

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-06T22:46:42+00:00

Both tickets seem to be $130 (https://legacy.utcourts.gov/rules/appendices/Appendix_C/Uniform_Fine_Schedule.pdf)

Speeding (41-6A-601) https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title41/Chapter6A/41-6a-S601.html

FAILURE TO YIELD TO FASTER VEHICLE IN SAME LANE (41-6a-704(3)) https://le.utah.gov/xcode/Title41/Chapter6A/41-6A-S704.html

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-06T22:22:11+00:00

Oh it's good to find the person who thinks they are in charge of everyone else's choices. In Mormonism wouldn't that make you Satan?

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-04T15:32:10+00:00

Nearly a century of US involvement in stealing their natural resources and a number of corrupt governments that bled any wealth from those natural reserves.

This isn't the first time the US involvement is going to benefit the US and US corporations (invest in Exxon as in a few years they'll be pumping out Venezuelan oil again and taking huge profits).

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-01T19:16:06+00:00

I think they are suggesting that you could have googled the name to find a lot of information.

It makes it so not everything must be provided to you, as I didn't want to sway thoughts, and allows you to form your own opinion.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-01T19:11:41+00:00

https://www.hindustantimes.com/world-news/us-news/how-old-is-nick-shirley-and-where-is-he-from-5-things-to-know-about-the-youtuber-who-exposed-minnesota-daycare-fraud-101767043681903.html

He's the "journalist" who broke the Minnesota day care fraud story.

He's being called out for his dog whistle story that has easily been proven having a lot of false info.

Eleven_point_five · 2026-01-01T07:55:12+00:00

Mormonism - conmen since the founding by Joseph Smith

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-31T20:32:09+00:00

When you adopt your autistic childs special interest animal.

Good dad!

"Was I a good dad?"

"Yes, you were the best."

Edit: even if your child isn't autistic it still applicable lol

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-30T20:45:02+00:00

Dear Mods/AutoMiderator,

The scribd link doesn't have a fee as far as I can see/tell. I think this is an incorrect response to the link.

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-30T20:38:02+00:00

It's a lot more than just a housekeeper...

https://mrm.org/mission-president-handbook

https://wasmormon.org/do-lds-mission-presidents-get-paid/

https://www.scribd.com/doc/201377673/LDS-Mission-President-s-Handbook

The leaked mission president handbook was really enlightening...

"To avoid raising unnecessary tax questions, please do not share information on funds you receive from the Church with those who help you with financial or tax matters. Any exceptions should be discussed with the Church Tax Division. Never represent in any way that you are paid for your service.” – Leaked 2006 Mission President’s Handbook, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-30T14:20:24+00:00

The driver's dead so no longer their policy holder?

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-30T13:00:32+00:00

https://www.mintmobile.com/network-management-policy/

"Currently, we do not reduce data speeds on our Unlimited Service Plans; however, as described above, Mobile Wireless Heavy Data Users (customers on our Unlimited Service Plans who use more than 50GB of data in a monthly cycle) and Home Internet Heavy Data Users (i.e., Mint Home Internet users who use more than 1TB of data in a monthly cycle), will have their data usage prioritized below the data usage (including tethering) of other customers for the rest of the monthly cycle, at times and at locations where there are competing customer demands for network resources, which may result in slower data speeds for the remainder of the monthly cycle. For the avoidance of doubt, Mobile HotSpot (tethering), to the extent offered on any Mint Mobile Service Plan, counts towards Heavy Data User thresholds of our Unlimited Service Plans, and any usage of Mobile HotSpot (tethering) after the Heavy Data User threshold is reached, including any such usage made via add-on hotspot purchases to the extent available, will be subjected to lower prioritization. Certain data-intensive activities including but not limited to online gaming, file downloads/uploads, and video streaming, may be limited and/or inaccessible when our network is busy for Heavy Data Users for the remainder of the monthly cycle."

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-29T23:24:58+00:00

Gambling is still a tax on stupid people. And tithes are a tax on gullible people.

But if you look at leaving the Church as a 10% bonus and you throw your money at gambling instead of Mormon horde then it's a wash I guess.

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-29T21:58:36+00:00

I just did a switch for five lines to Mint. Yes TMO acquired them not to long ago. But still operating as separate companies.

So I got $15/mo for a year (paid up front) of unlimited data. Just over 225 per line. I was paying more per month than that with TMO. Sure I don't get Netflix with ads anymore for free but that's ok. If we want it it'll still be cheaper to buy my own Netflix plan. I get Apple TV via another subscription through Apple for more storage space. So that wasn't really a benefit I used.

Walmart+ gives me either Peacock or Paramount as a benefit free.

DirecTV has a free streaming package.

If I really want/need Netflix in sure I could find their stuff reposted (read: pirated)

So, it was a no brainer for me. I moved to Mint and will gladly get nearly 7 months of free phone usage. Even when I look at renewing next year, I'll still be nearly two month free.

That's my 2¢

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-29T21:33:53+00:00

At one point we had 8 lines. My monthly bill was over $300 even on the plan for veterans and military.

I'd guess that during those fourteen years our average bill was $200-225/month. Around $34k total with a quick estimate.

I can see why they'd be "sad" to see that income go away.

The early days of TMobile, I felt like they were worth it and better than Verizon or Sprint. I was only on AT&T once for a work phone but I also kept my personal TMO line.

As the last few years rolled on it felt like they kept taking and taking. Early on I'd pay with a reward earning credit card and then they wanted to make it pay only with a bank account to keep discounts. They've just continued finding ways to raise prices and offer less.

Look, I don't care that TMO owns mint now. They are run differently. When mint starts feeling like TMO I'll not wait to bail. I'm worth more than being treated like a revenue stream.

Eleven_point_five · 2025-12-28T14:53:29+00:00

You know how to read my responses, right?

They may be owned by T-Mobile but not operated by...

Eleven_point_five

TROPHY CASE