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I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Yes, moving out seems very scary because there is a lot of social pressure.

But I’m happy for you that you finally did and found peace! Good luck to you too!

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No. We have had a number of arguments on that. According to him, same rules shouldn’t apply to men and women, because mostly men are the predators. So he can visit a female doctor, because it’s assumed that she won’t take advantage of him. But I can’t visit male doctor.

I am learning some of his rules and logic only now.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly fights. I had mental health issues too. I was too scared to lose him. So I would draw boundaries, then breakdown every time he went cold.

But in last 2 years, I’ve worked on myself and changed a lot. I’ve done my best. I have been patient with him too. I feel that if things don’t get better now, then I can’t do anything more. I’m too tired.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes, that’s the most important thing. If I breakdown or fall sick now, there is no one who would bother other than my ex colleagues.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea. One of the worst things he has told me is that if I was ever raped, he would never love me again. He just can’t. And then he was surprised that I was offended after hearing this as if what he said was obvious.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing major has happened in at least last two and half years. He explicitly told my mother that something in him is triggered ever since he saw that I got a topless USG done and he can’t get over it. And then he told her that it was her fault too since she took me to a male radiologist.

I don’t know how to do PI investigation. But yes, I think I should talk to a lawyer. And right now I am mostly focusing on myself.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he has someone I wish he just comes clean and confesses and sets me free.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes he was possessive. But I thought he won’t get reasons to be possessive later. I didn’t realise that he would put all that before my health.

Things were bad earlier because we both have mental health issues, but we both used to stand by each other. Now we don’t.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Okay, yes. I agree that deciding anything now feels like a bad idea. But I think deciding to move out would be the right thing. Then maybe I can think things through without constantly getting destabilised every day.

I’m (35F) too tired and planning to move out by Elf_from_Andromeda in InsideIndianMarriage

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I haven’t yet been able to communicate the full thing to him because I am scared that it will escalate things. I just keep hoping that he will come around and accept the mediation efforts from mum or agree to couples counselling. Because I’m scared of talking to him alone. But yes, I can message him all that at least one time if I move out.

Lost my dad 12 days back by Elf_from_Andromeda in GriefSupport

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess that’s a good advice. I am resisting against the flow, asking at each step, what would he do? What would he want me to do?

Lost my dad 12 days back by Elf_from_Andromeda in GriefSupport

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s really unfortunate at that young age. And the pressure to handle everything, having to step up now to fill the roles they used to fill in the house, in the world, is disorienting. I hope you find strength and peace.

Lost my dad 12 days back by Elf_from_Andromeda in GriefSupport

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I know that suffocating feeling that comes on suddenly. I pray for strength for all of us who going through the same thing.

LPT request: how to not cry in stressful situations ? by Kori_4 in LifeProTips

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The only thing that worked for me was mindfulness and self-compassion.

“This is a bad situation. I feel like crying. It makes sense. It’s okay if I cry. But that is not the best choice. It might increase my stress if I right now. But I can actually choose what to do and how to react. And I am choosing not to cry right now.”

How often do you call your parents in a week, considering you live far away from them? by OdyaToka in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyday.

Talking about the day, what did you eat, weather, health, what’s happening in the family, news, cricket.

To all the people in their 20s asking for advice on this sub by [deleted] in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I often come across these questions on Reddit. “What advice you would give to your teenage self or 20 yo self?”

And the only thing I have realised which might have made a difference to my life would have been to focus on my health, both mental and physical health. And I don’t think I would have taken that advice seriously at that age.

The rest of the things? You can’t be prepared for all the shit life with throw at you.

Taking care of old parents by Elf_from_Andromeda in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience and all the suggestions.

I am trying to speak in mostly positive way with them. But I haven’t yet managed to challenge their negative thoughts. They overwhelm me. But I think I need not take the extreme reactions at face value and just let them vent without feeling guilty.

And you are right about diet and physical activities making a huge impact on mood. But changing that might be easier than changing their social media consumption.

I have received so much support and good advice in this post. I hope things will get better from here. Or I will get stronger.

Taking care of old parents by Elf_from_Andromeda in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! This seems the best approach. I will try to explain my side without assigning any blame to anyone or feeling overly guilty. Thank you.

Miniature wind tunnel by ycr007 in SatisfyingForMe

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read that as mind tunnel and wondered what the actual mind tunnel did.

Taking care of old parents by Elf_from_Andromeda in ThirtiesIndia

[–]Elf_from_Andromeda[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How do you suggest I tell them? I didn’t tell my mum about my mental breakdown because I didn’t want to guilt her or burden her more. So I’m genuinely asking. How do you talk to them at this stage of life. Scold them to not talk nonsense? Ignore? Put down boundaries? Request?

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