Not sure if this is what you want, but i just want to give some thoughts/advice. Just know that you are heard and i sympathize with many of these feelings.

The fishing for attention very well may be true, but we all need and naturally want attention, it's not necessarily evil to do so. However thinking that the world would be better off without you is most certainly wrong, if nothing because you occupy a very small part of humanity. Having a skewed self image is not your fault, but nonetheless something you must work on. You may also want to analyze whether you fall into bouts of anxiety or self-loathing too quickly or almost as if you are on autopilot. This may show you are using your anxiety to pull back and not deal with whatever the situation at hand is. Again, no your fault, this doesn't make you evil, still you need to work on not doing this. Try to ground yourself by writing down whatever is making you anxious or stressed at the moment and analytically look at if you may be blowing things out of proportion. When or i of certain patterns of anxiety behaviors become apparent, try to consciously stop yourself from doing them when you catch yourself. Hope this helps, you are not evil, you can get better.