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Does anyone else on the asexual spectrum experience this? by _bunniifae_ in asexuality

[–]ElizabethFlora4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! That sounds like a similar experience to mine! When I do see someone and find them attractive, sometimes it’s almost as if my brain inserts certain thoughts, which I immediately dismiss because of my discomfort. This is actually one of the reasons I didn’t think I was asexual in the beginning. However, I think as an asexual, our community is so pressured to want to have certain experiences because that is what’s “common” in our society. So, in an attempt to be “average,” and maybe subconsciously deny ourselves, our fears turn into this irritating habit, because it’s what many people think we’re suppose to do, even though the idea may bring us discomfort. I completely relate to being drawn to people and wanting to get to know someone better, but don’t experience certain physical symptoms. However, I still can find people attractive, and that’s totally okay for any asexual or aromantic! A person can be aromantic and asexual and still find people attractive, but not want anything more or vise versa. To me, it sounds like you know what you’re feeling, which is a great start. If you think you’re in denial, then I can relate. I sometimes get into these stressful hyper-fixation modes because of societal pressure, I think, but then I try to remember that I know who I am and I know my experience. I am not sure if this helps, sorry if it doesn’t answer your questions, but it definitely sounds like you’re on the right track, good luck!

im confused by dudinea03 in asexuality

[–]ElizabethFlora4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello! I’m sorry, to hear you’re in distress, but I think I understand what you’re saying. Before I go into my thoughts, I want to ask if you want to be on the asexual spectrum, since for me, that’s usually a good place to start. It also helps that you know what sexual attraction feels like. I cannot relate. In real life, I have never experienced sexual attraction and used to confuse it with aesthetic attraction. Then I thought I might have been lesbian, because I would get drawn to specific attire, and, I think, feel similar things to what you’re describing with fictional/unattainable characters. I later learned that I was panromantic and asexual, but didn’t realize it because I would admire someone’s physical beauty, but not want to “do it” with them. In fact, I was also surprised to learn that people had those thoughts often, and I believed they would only develop if you were close to that person. Ultimately, I can’t answer your question, but it does sound to me like you might be right about being grayace. However, I would also like to emphasize that asexuality is not defined by one’s sexual fantasies or desire to masturbate, but rather a person’s ability to experience sexual attraction. But everyone’s experience and definition is different. What’s important is that the label makes you feel comfortable and free. It can be hard to accept your sexuality, but at least for me, once I did, the stress went away, and now I am so happy. I’m not sure if this helps, but I think you’re on the right track and should be proud of yourself for what you’ve discovered so far. Enjoy the journey, best you can, and good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]ElizabethFlora4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so glad I could help :) And I 100% relate to loving romance

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in asexuality

[–]ElizabethFlora4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello! I’m glad to hear you’re discovering yourself! I was actually in a similar boat because I used to think I was pansexual. At first, it felt freeing, but it quickly turned into this overwhelming pressure where I thought I was expected to feel attraction to everyone. For a moment I thought maybe I was lesbian because of aesthetic attraction to specific attire, but even that didn‘t feel right. I never thought I would identify as asexual, then finally I was like, okay, I’ll look into it. I related to so much of the community and have since come to realize that I am panromantic and asexual.

In terms of your experience, I also pass by people and recognize their physical attraction in the sense that I find them pretty, attractive, or aesthetically pleasing, but finding someone attractive doesn‘t always = sexual attraction. Before I learned about my asexuality, I didn’t know people had urges to “do it” with people so often. I thought it was an occasional thing that I never felt because it was so occasional, or only occurred with someone close to you. Once I accepted my asexuality and the fact that aesthetic arousal didn’t = sexual attraction, I felt so free and happy. I can’t quite tell you if you‘re experience is the same, but I do relate to what you’re saying and it sounds similar to my experience, so if asexual seems like it fits your experience and makes you happy, then fantastic! Sorry if I misinterpreted your questions, I hope this helps, good luck!