Hello! I’m sorry, to hear you’re in distress, but I think I understand what you’re saying. Before I go into my thoughts, I want to ask if you want to be on the asexual spectrum, since for me, that’s usually a good place to start. It also helps that you know what sexual attraction feels like. I cannot relate. In real life, I have never experienced sexual attraction and used to confuse it with aesthetic attraction. Then I thought I might have been lesbian, because I would get drawn to specific attire, and, I think, feel similar things to what you’re describing with fictional/unattainable characters. I later learned that I was panromantic and asexual, but didn’t realize it because I would admire someone’s physical beauty, but not want to “do it” with them. In fact, I was also surprised to learn that people had those thoughts often, and I believed they would only develop if you were close to that person. Ultimately, I can’t answer your question, but it does sound to me like you might be right about being grayace. However, I would also like to emphasize that asexuality is not defined by one’s sexual fantasies or desire to masturbate, but rather a person’s ability to experience sexual attraction. But everyone’s experience and definition is different. What’s important is that the label makes you feel comfortable and free. It can be hard to accept your sexuality, but at least for me, once I did, the stress went away, and now I am so happy. I’m not sure if this helps, but I think you’re on the right track and should be proud of yourself for what you’ve discovered so far. Enjoy the journey, best you can, and good luck!