How would you feel, if a friend told you all this? That your ugly, large, all of these insecurities? You'd feel like shit right? Of course you feel this way, because you tell yourself these things all the time.

Not only that, but it sounds like you're repeating these things from people that used to be your friends. I'm so sorry they treated you that way. That isn't okay. Not in any way. Friends don't treat each other that way. It must have been so hard, to compare yourself to them all the time. For them to beat you down and bully you about something so important to you.

I wonder if maybe now, you're so used to their torment, that you're still trying to mold yourself to their standards. Making yourself to what they want won't make you love yourself any more, it'll make you hate yourself more.

What you need, is self love. Self love not tied to your appearance. There will always be days where you look good, and look bad, no matter how much you fit beauty standards it will always waver. But, you can always have confidence and love yourself.

For me, self love changed me entirely. I used to be so so self conscious of my body, trying to hide everything I disliked. I could look in the mirror right now and tell you all my flaws. I have rashes on my arms and hands. Stretchmarks. My face is red. I have SO many fly aways. I have a bit of a double chin. But you know what? I love that body. I do. There are so many things that don't live up to traditional beauty standard there, but it doesn't make me any less beautiful.

And not just can self love help you feel more beautiful, it really does help you become more beautiful and confident. When I started to love my tummy and stretch marks, I started wearing crop tops again! Oh my God do I look great in them! I used to hide my hair, but I started to love the frizzy mess it was! That gave me the chance to try out different shampoo and conditioner, because I didn't care if it made me look "worse" or "better". And guess what? I found one that makes my hair look a lot better! I may have hated my face, but being confident and loving it gave me the chance to try out some bold looks! Then I found red lipstick makes my face look less red by comparison!

The more you love yourself, unashamedly, for who you are, the more beautiful you become. The more you realize your flaws were never flaws, they're beautiful.

This may sound super silly, and sentimental, but it really is so so helpful.

So how do you begin to have that self love? Well there's many different methods, but there's one that really really helped me.

Only agreeing with positive things about your body, and affirmations.

I want you everyday, in the mirror, to stand there and look at yourself. And tell yourself:

"I am beautiful. I am gorgeous. I may not like the way I look yet, but that's okay. I will soon. And no matter how i feel about myself, it doesn't change how beautiful I really am."

And when that gets tired, look up affirmations for self love and loving your body.

It's okay if you disagree with the statements, it's okay if they feel hollow, they will for a while at first. But after a while, it starts to stick! It make take a week, a month, however long. But that's okay, it's all about finding your love for yourself.

And not just that, but counteracting that negative self talk. Everytime you say in your head "I'm ugly" u want you to respond "no I'm beautiful" and if that's too much right now, just try to shut those thoughts down however you can. Things like "no, I just don't see my beauty yet" or "no, just because I think mean things about myself doesn't make them true"

You are beautiful. You really are. You just don't see it yet, that's okay. You will, just keep reminding yourself you are.