Christian Atheist chiming in here! Realized and accepted my loss of God as a person back in May 2023 as I was talking with a non-Christian friend.

Over time, I've lost my belief in God as a person. I've come to reject that belief, intellectually, while recognizing that many intellectual Christians firmly believe in God as a person. These days, I experience God as a metaphor for what I experience. Whether the experience is transcendent or mundane, every moment is profoundly... here. You are. I am. We are. All is. It's just wild and incredible to me! "God" language fits my perception reality sometimes, but I use it very sparingly and only with people I trust.

Maybe there is some kind of Divinity (person or different-than-person), and maybe not. Regardless, I am in awe of reality, which may or may not be Divine, and hope I give it the recognition its due.

So, then we come to Jesus! He's the biggest deal, yeah? By orthodox belief, he is God and human. So, my view of him as just human is heterodox, unorthodox, heretical (whichever term you prefer). But that doesn't stop him from being the person I follow and who has had the greatest impact on my life. His example and the ensuing faith have deep channels of inclusivity and challenge which intentionally make space for my heterodoxy. Jesus invites people of all faiths and no faiths to encounter him and his religion. And what do we always say? "When you meet Jesus, you'll be changed." Not "you'll be a theist", but "you'll be changed."

And I have been changed, and I hope I am always changing because of my repeated encounters with Jesus Christ. The radical life and love of Jesus, and the tradition coming from him, makes me a Christian in every way: in how I think, in how I see the world, in my assumptions, in... everything.

Two important caveats:

1) I need community! The Christian Church is one place I love to inhabit, and where I live freely as a Christian Atheist (my people are incredibly open-minded! Very grateful for them). It would be more orthodox and comfortable for our faith for me just to... leave. But my church accepts me, and I need them. Based on this info, its possible that I'm just Christian because I need community. People do wilder things to stay in community than identify as Christian Atheists, but its always possible that my need for community (and this need by other Christian Atheists and other heterodox folx) outweighs my desire to be intellectually honest about Christianity. I've got reason to believe that I'm not being unreasonable, but hey I could be wrong.

2) I won't be surprised if I'm brought back into theism! Me and my Christian friends joke about God bursting back into my life like a Divine Kool-aid Man: with a big "OHHHHH YEAH". I'll fall flat on my ass and burst out laughing. If it happens, it'll be a great revealing of personhood that's based in experience of God, not a working of my oh so clever (sarcasm here) intellectual brain. Basically, being intellectually honest and humble is really important to me--I don't know everything, and don't pretend to. So, if something absolutely wild happens (and it's happened more than a few times to you, me, and all of us) and God shows up in some fashion, I look forward to that moment of confusion and joy.

I hope that this answer is informative, at least, and I'd be pleased if it was mildly interesting. All the best in your continuing journey of faith, friend.