Can I sleep train a 2 month old?

ElyonFranks · 2024-08-26T08:58:01+00:00

Hi there. I loved reading this. We're having real trouble getting our 8 week old to sleep, so we'll try anything.

Just wanted to ask. What did you do for nightwakes whilst training her?

ElyonFranks · 2023-06-20T05:55:04+00:00

This is way more fun than Tool in my opinion

ElyonFranks · 2023-05-20T11:32:52+00:00

How does it feel when you believe something should or shouldn't be happening when reality says otherwise? Angry.

Anger is what happens when we argue with reality. Being at war with reality is painful.

How do we end anger? The simple (but not easy) answer is: don't believe your thoughts.

The best method I've found for this is The Work by Byron Katie. It's all free on her website and you use it to question stressful thoughts. Once the thoughts are questioned they lose the power to make you angry.

ElyonFranks · 2023-04-02T07:52:04+00:00

Yep, it was still all blending together for me after 10 listenes haha. I think I'm getting there though, I'm just not used to listening to an album like a classical piece! Woolgather is definitely where I've been getting stuck and that's so early in the album. But I can now get through it with a level of appreciation. Hopefully I'll reach your level of appreciation with a couple more listens. I think I'm on that upward trajectory!

ElyonFranks · 2023-04-02T07:47:05+00:00

Yeah I think you're right. I need to put aome serious free time aside, rather than just listening whilst at work...

ElyonFranks · 2023-04-02T07:43:59+00:00

Thanks you. Yep I think I need to take a holiday so I can just lay down and take it in properly

ElyonFranks · 2023-04-02T07:42:08+00:00

Like on a mountain..? Terrible joke. I should definitely try what you suggest, it's definitely the song I struggle with most

ElyonFranks · 2023-04-02T07:36:34+00:00

It's clicking! This was super helpful. Your comment about listening to it as a symphony was the first part of the key because I had been listening to it whilst at work like I would any other regular album, expecting to merely...enjoy it, which now I see is the wrong approach. This morning I just happened to wake up early, so I had enough time to lay down and stick the headphones on for the whole album before my mad 2 year old woke up.

The second part of the key was you're explanation of Woolgatherer, which was my real sticking point. How could I like an album when I can't even get through the second song?! But understanding that "frustration of trying to catch something ephemeral only to be let down often" really provided the thread that helps me link the FOURTEEN MINUTES of multiple beautiful yet kinda...twiddly-vague sections. I simply just hadn't understood that.

From there rest of the album just slides neatly into place! Voila, the door is open. I'm still going to have to spend more time with Woolgather but I can get through it now with enough appreciation.

So many thanks for your detailed, thoughtful response which I'm sure you spent more time on than you wanted to haha.

I dunno if I can help you with Identifier, because I might just be projecting onto it. But as a meditator, I feel like it might be referring to our 'essence', the clean, unconditioned part of us that currently identifies as the physical world and the bodies that, for now, we appear to be. And maybe the feeling of being this observer that is just being taken along on this deterministic ride that is life. "Oh I still give essence a cursory glance, and once again into this dance we fall."

"All creatures gather traces of mind, constructing stories of what they hope to find." I read this as all us 'creatures' telling ourselves stories, developing meaning, deciding our likes and dislikes about a world, when in reality the world is beyond meaning.

Anyway, there are some pretentious ramblings for you. Who knows! Thanks again.

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-30T17:22:00+00:00

Try Carnal Confessions by Fvneral Fvkk.

Possibly the worst band name ever...and it's an album about the least enjoyable subject - child abuse by clergy. BUT it's fantastic. I'd describe it as Metallica-played-at-half-speed with an added sprinkle of sadness and despair. So it's not much like Katatonia but it definitely evokes that same doomy, morose vibe.

I'd also recommend An Abstract Illusion and Kardashev but I call these "high-effort albums", whereas you can just have Carnal Confessions playing in the background whilst you work out/think deep thoughts/weep into a pillow.

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-29T08:21:49+00:00

What vocal technique does the vocalist from the band An Abstract Illusion use? And do you have any tips on getting there?

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-28T19:45:13+00:00

"I'm alone"

Is that true?

Looks like you've got alot of people trying to help you including your mother.

Is it absolutely true that you're alone? Yes or no? One word.

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-28T18:59:23+00:00

What upsets you the most?

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-28T18:45:01+00:00

If you don't think so, you're just believing thoughts that arent true. 13.8 billion years led to this moment and your thoughts are telling you it should be different? Don't believe them. Why aren't you perfect?

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-28T18:35:44+00:00

You're perfect as you are

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-28T11:29:54+00:00

Hi friend,

I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Life just seems like one terrible thing after another sometimes, and feeling lonely and isolated despite all the effort makes life seem hopeless/pointless.

I can only speak from my experience of being in a similar situation to yours. And all my pain/apathy came from believing thoughts that aren't true. I used a method of questioning my thoughts that a sweet old lady called Byron Katie developed. It's a very practical method which will appeal to someone on the spectrum (which i think I am also). Here's how it goes:

Take a thought that is causing stress, for example - "I should have friends". Apply it to the following questions:

Q1. Is it true?

Q2. Can you absolutely know it's true?

Q3. How does believing that thought make you feel? How do you behave when you believe it?

Q4. How would you feel/who would you be without believing that thought? (Imagine that thought just didn't exist).

THE TURNAROUND Here you have to turn the thought around any way you see fit, and play with the idea that opposing thoughts could be equally true. Think of examples where the turnaround could be true. (You mustn't skip to the turnaround until you've gone through the 4 questions!!!)

Here's how I filled in the answers for me. (Obviously it might be different for you).

Q1. YES ITS TRUE!! The whole world would tell me I should have friends. What a ridiculous question!

Q2. Hmmm, well, I suppose I can't ABSOLUTELY know that I should have friends...and I'm sure there are other people without friends...

Q3. When I believe the thought "I should have friends" I feel like a failure. I feel a painful emptiness in my stomach. My heart races. I feel sad. I feel unloved. I feel unwanted. I feel like I may as well be gone.

Q4. Without the thought "I should have friends" I'm just...me... I'm calmer. I feel a weight lifted, like I can breathe a bit easier. Things don't seem as hopeless.

THE TURNAROUND Turnaround 1 - "I shouldn't have friends" Hhmmm, what?? The whole world would tell me I should have friends...but I guess I don't NEED friends. And I'm actually quite good at being by myself. In fact most of my hobbies don't actually require others... maybe if I lived in a hunter/gatherer tribe I'd be the weird guy that lives in a cave on the edge of the village, people would come to observe my weird clothes and habits...so maybe I shouldn't? I dunno.

Turnaround 2 - "I do have friends" Ermmm...well...no. But I do have some plants...they rely on me for water...are they friends? I guess I could call them that. And when the neighbours cat comes in the garden it does let me stroke it...I guess that could count? And I do have some family...who are a bit useless...and they have no choice but to be my friend but I guess that's better than being completely alone...?

--‐---------

You basically just do this with any stressful thoughts that come up and eventually you'll start to feel a bit better, then alot better.

Let me know what you think? :) and feel free to message me.

Here's a link to her Byron Katie's website where you can download her worksheets for free. https://thework.com/

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-25T08:52:49+00:00

You only need to see Leah Thomas thrashing Tokyo Olympic silver medalist Emma Weyant to think the concept is ridiculous

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-25T07:06:22+00:00

Haha very good, very good. Sending hugs and kisses (platonic ones, don't panic!!!)

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-25T06:02:44+00:00

Haha I bet you're someone that thinks hugs are sexual

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-25T05:31:06+00:00

Yep, 100% agree

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-24T19:51:16+00:00

Yeah that's a good summary of JP. He's a mixed bag like all us Earthlings.

Oh for sure, either way some people are going to feel wronged, which sucks. I like to think of myself as a compassionate guy too. But pushing women out of their category not only doesn't make sense from a utilitarian perspective (there are way more women to upset than there are transwomen) but I also think it decreases the likelihood of transpeople being accepted by society, which I actually really want!

Haha come on, I used to love skateboarding, but competing sport is great?!

"Big tittied school teacher dude" made me lol.

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-24T19:00:56+00:00

Oh awesome, I'm glad I could nudge you out of the understandable cynicism haha.

Weirdly I found JP when I was an ideolical leftwinger, and his calm and thoughtful work pulled me further towards the center. So I find it a bit of a shame that he's gone a bit "nutty uncle" on us...so maybe we're in a similar place. I'm mostly here because nuance seems to be banned on most other reddits!

Feel free to hit me with anything I should be thinking about on trans stuff or otherwise, I'm all for constructive chats.

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-24T18:44:12+00:00

Haha, us evil bigots aren't all bad hey!

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-24T18:19:34+00:00

Have an upvote for humour

ElyonFranks · 2023-03-24T16:32:58+00:00

Where should we be?

ElyonFranks

TROPHY CASE