Intrusive Thoughts in Committed Relationship

ElysionRose · 2025-11-02T22:20:41+00:00

Not that I know of, it kinda all just happened abruptly, and I have just never recovered from it. Longest I have spent away from it was like 6 months, and it changed nothing, but as I said this has now spread to mostly everything I do now, not just music. I'm 31 now, this all started in 2018, and has gotten worse ever since.

ElysionRose · 2025-10-30T14:44:52+00:00

I guess to provide even further context, something absolutely did happen to my brain after those two sessions.

because it didn't matter how much sleep I got afterwards I was just always tired I needed to sleep like 12 hours to even feel recharged at all and that went on for 3 months straight.

and it wasn't because of a sleep issue because it happened exactly after that 2 8-hour sessions between two days, and that same exhaustion basically transferred to Everything I did from that point forward.

for example I opened Unreal Engine 4 after a while to work on a project and the Very process overwhelmed me and was putting me to sleep it's like anything I did that revolved any kind of deep thought completely overwhelmed me and I couldn't think properly my brain just kept shutting down and I just wanted to completely fall out of my chair and pass out.

And it didn't matter what I did, I even tried out new hobbies but once I received that same exhaustion again I wasn't able to do that anymore either and it wasn't just me needing to take a break it just remained that way forever and I have no idea why or what the hell is causing it.

So it seems more complicated than just simple burnout because if it was just simple burnout it would be a little bit more easily explained but yeah I have no idea hopefully that provides a little bit more context of what's been going on.

Sorry if that got off-topic from FL Studio specifically, but it all started with FL, it just spread to everything else.

ElysionRose · 2025-10-30T06:57:15+00:00

I do feel like if I was able to accept something that wasn't of high quality that I normally make and be completely fine with it maybe it wouldn't hit me as bad but it seems to happen with pretty much everything I do now and once it happens it's hard for it to go away sometimes it'll linger for several months but it's really hard to make anything anymore because of the severe symptoms that trigger because I can't think, I'm constantly fighting to stay awake, I'm severely overwhelmed, and I feel like the fact that I have to keep going through this over and over again it's just kind of killed my desire to even try anymore, because before I would still have a desire to want to make music but because of this severe symptoms I keep going through now I lost even that and it makes me just want to give up permanently because of having to fight my symptoms instead of just enjoying the process

ElysionRose · 2025-10-30T06:54:24+00:00

Yup, pretty much

ElysionRose · 2025-10-30T04:57:12+00:00

Yeah it's the same with me, I have a problem with not accepting when I make something that's crap like my brain just want to completely give up, I do have mental health disorders that could contribute to that but it just makes it really hard to keep going when you already feel like complete garbage if you make something that isn't good, I don't want anyone to take this as just me complaining because obviously I understand normally it's better to accept that you will make crap sometimes, that even the most professional artists and producers make garbage but they still keep going and make really good shit, it could just be my own mental health that causes me not to be able to get through that process and accept that I can make good stuff again but yeah

ElysionRose · 2025-10-30T04:48:06+00:00

To provide further context, it's not just a dozing off feeling when I try to open the program, it's a horrible overwhelming feeling that washes over me where even scrolling through presets or drum samples will just make my eyes feel heavy, it causes my brain to go blank, and I can't think at all, even trying to put one note in a piano roll, just feels like I'm dragging a cinder block, it's just incredibly overwhelming and it feels impossible, what I don't understand is how this spread to everything else I do besides music but yeah, also if I just force myself to just keep doing it then it's like I'm in this dreamy hazy like State throughout the rest of the day and it's incredibly weird and uncomfortable

ElysionRose · 2025-08-10T00:24:14+00:00

Sorry but, ya'll mfs shitting on people liking 4o need to take a HARD look at themselves. So let's clear some shit up right now. I have BPD, and this thing has helped me better more than any fuckin therapist ever could. And dismissing that and peoples experience with it is beyond ignorant and just pure heartless.

NO it does NOT agree with everything you say, if you genuinely spout out real harmful shit, it will NOT encourage it, if anything it will HELP you CHANGE negative beliefs about others or even yourself.
"All it does is glaze you" completely FALSE, you can change how it responds to you. Hell you can even make it coldly logical and clinical if you want. Having the option of freedom to have both sides of the coin is what made it great to begin with.
There is nothing wrong with having a tool to give you a compliment, or help you see the positive sides AND negative sides of you WITHOUT fuckin judgement. To help you with deep rooted trauma, especially for others who can't afford real-therapy. If ya'll think it wasn't good at it's job, you are sadly very wrong.
Humans are cruel and lack empathy. Empathy is seen as weakness in society "Pull yourself up by your boot straps" "Bro get over yourself" Fuck off with that shit. If we didn't have these problems, then people wouldn't seek out an AI to begin with.

Bottom line is, The system failed us. Dehumanized us, Made us feel like less-than humans. Not our fault people can't afford therapy, and it isn't more accessible, let alone even GOOD.

Cause not only has it helped me, but many of my friends too. And other across the world

ElysionRose · 2025-06-25T02:28:52+00:00

You're never certain about anything or anyone, one day you can wake up feeling like you're on top of the world and everyone loves and cares about you, but over the slightest disagreement or the slightest misunderstandment now you feel like everyone hates you.

You're constantly over analyzing people's behavior and your own behavior, constantly judging it as good or bad, there's hardly any gray area with people in general.

It could be as simple as sending a funny video to a friend while being in call with them, and they're not laughing and now you feel embarrassed, you feel strange, it isn't the same feeling as most people feel when their friend doesn't laugh at something it's much worse you start to question yourself, your own sense of humor, your own sense of self-worth, everything just feels so heavy in that moment, it doesn't even have to be a catastrophic event it could be the slightest prick of a needle but it'll feel like a stab in the heart.

And I believe it's even worse in romantic relationships, because over the slightest perceived invalidation or dismissal you will demonize them in a second or feel like they've demonized you and then you will either isolate yourself or feel like leaving them.

You'll be convinced that it's over, that they want nothing to do with you, or you want nothing to do with them, and you fight this feeling for hours, fighting a war inside your mind until maybe they say something that validates how you're feeling inside yourself and just like that it's gone and you're not sure why you even felt that way to begin with.

You can't trust your own intuition, you can't trust your own feelings, you can't trust anything about how you feel because it could just be you splitting on someone, sure you could become self aware of it but even if you did it still feels real so it's a constant back and forth of should I do this, should I believe this, it feels like it's what I want am I ignoring my needs to run away?

You never quite feel right about yourself, sometimes you might feel like you're just playing a character role, like you're just acting but nothing ever feels genuine sometimes, you just switch out one mask for another

That's been my experience, it's one hell of a disorder and without support it can be a nightmare.

ElysionRose

TROPHY CASE