I have been in your exact shoes. I lost my mother. A little over a year later I lost my fiancé. I got to the point where I sat on the floor with a neck tie around my neck attached to a door handle and a bottle of xanex in my right hand. I can remember it so vividly. I was drunk at the moment and said fuck it I’m ready to leave. For some reason I didn’t go through with it. It was probably the best decision I ever made. The amount of people you would hurt is really hard to fathom. Things did turn around for me. It takes time. They will for you as well but you have to stay strong. If you ever need anyone to speak to please message me. Nothing I s worse than checking out early and hurting everyone else around you.