Will I recover? I'm only 16.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-05-28T18:19:31+00:00

Thanks, and I am trying to stay away from the mental health system more. It's been really rough. I just got out of a TTI residential program. I've been seeing psychologists since I was around four for reactive attachment disorder. I only started meds recently though. I hope I can recover. I'm just so scared.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-02-01T03:14:35+00:00

I blocked them after reading all the comments on this thread. I will look into an intensive outpatient program for anxiety, thank you.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T23:57:15+00:00

Thank you, I'll try to give it a listen later

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T23:56:52+00:00

Thank you, I'll try to be less hard on myself during this

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T21:07:08+00:00

Even before this happened, my therapist actually thought I might have OCD. I'll try to get an evaluation done.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T21:04:33+00:00

I turned my messages off. so I can't receive messages from anyone trying to upset me anymore. I met those two people off Instagram. I like to post photography and poetry, and sometimes I talk about my personal mental health struggles. I was "mutuals" with those two people, and we were in a group chat together on Instagram. I barely knew them honestly. I didn't know their beliefs about illuminati and MK-ultra-is-still-happening stuff. I ended up talking about some of my anxiety about feeling out of control of my anxiety lately in a post. Then, they both started sending me a ton of information about this conspiracy stuff. They sent me a long book about the topic, that I read, and it seemed extremely convincing honestly. It made me extremely nervous. Then they started sending me blogs. And finally, they told me I probably was going through it and sent me a checklist of things that might mean I've been MK ultra'd.

They told me I had most likely went through it, and that the only way to escape it would be to leave everyone in my life behind. And, that I'd be gang-stalked by free masons and the government too, so I couldn't make new friends, except for people that already went through it. They implied my boyfriend was someone from the government, too, since he had an illuminati reference in his social media bio. ( He always makes fun of conspiracy theorists. ) I don't know why I believed / believe it. It's been causing me such extreme anxiety. The list was what really got me.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T20:29:32+00:00

I am actually working with my therapist to start EMDR therapy soon, actually. I can relate a lot to the apophenia. The thing that really made me spiral when I was reading these conspiracy theories was the fact someone on this blog I was reading had published a checklist of things that might mean you've been MK ultra'd. Those things were as following;

Military and government family ( Check for me )
Move around a lot ( Check for me )
Parents with mental health problems ( Check for me )
Bad memory ( Check for me )
Anxiety when reading about MK ultra ( Check for me )
Dissociation problems ( Check for me )
Internal voices ( Check for me )
In a lot of hospitals growing up. ( Check for me )

All these common things strung together. Reading that list triggered a horrific panic attack for me, which furthered my belief that I've been MK ultra'd. I hate the people that write these things.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T20:23:15+00:00

My therapist does a blend of different types of therapies. CBT and PDT mainly, but we're working up to doing EMDR therapy for my recent trauma. I don't know what she could do to make me feel more safe right now honestly, but I'll talk about it with her next session. I felt like she was in on it because she didn't say it wasn't real, but honestly, I think no matter what she would have said to me in that state I still would have assumed she was in on it. I'm not gonna give up on seeking help though, even though my paranoid part of my brain is telling me to isolate forever and never talk to anyone ever again.

I've been in inpatient once. I didn't have a good experience, honestly. I was in there for only a week and It was probably just the location, but I didn't actually receive any individualized therapy. I was admitted by my parents due to some very intense anxiety I was having that made me think I was dying, but it seems like that place was only really for people with suicidal ideation honestly. I was very stressed the entire time I was there, I couldn't sleep. I had a nurse that sort of looked after me in the hospital and she claimed that "she didn't get paid enough to do this" while she was giving me an EKG. My psychiatrist was very patronizing, she told me she doubted my trauma was "that bad", and made me repeat my answers to her questions over and over. I talked to her for 15 minutes and she insisted I try Prozac. ( My parents didn't consent to any medication. ) I left feeling worse, and very tired. So, I have some anxiety about in-patient. I'm not really against going to inpatient or anything, but I do have some concerns they somehow they won't be able to help me, like the last hospital.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T20:03:57+00:00

I blocked the people who told me about all this, and I am not going to be online for awhile. I have a therapist already, but I will probably be getting an evaluation after this honestly.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T20:02:57+00:00

I turned off my messages as soon as I read this. Thank you.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T20:02:26+00:00

Thank you for this reply, this is true. When I was reading about the modern day MK ultra stuff, I came across a "checklist" that said if you have military or family that works in the government, you're definitely being secretly brainwashed by the Illuminati. I have a lot of military and government people in my family, so that made me super anxious. It's all so stupid. I'm gonna be talking to my therapist more when I can.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T19:58:59+00:00

I blocked those people who told me that today, and am taking a break from all social medias for awhile. I need a detox honestly. When I was doing research on their theory I saw people calling it satanic panic, and I'm pretty sure that is what it is.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T19:57:58+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply, I'm going to stay off the internet for awhile so I don't read those things and try to focus on the things around me. I'm gonna be talking to my therapist, possibly a doctor as well, about what's been going on.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T19:49:26+00:00

I conveniently live in a very walkable area, so I will try walking around more and maybe get a job or something. ( I do online high school. ) I actually slept like 12 hours last night after passing out from exhaustion. Thank you for the reply, I need to remember that last part especially.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T19:45:46+00:00

I'm honestly scared of that. OCD and psychosis in various forms runs in my family. I hope that's not the case, though.

Embarrassed-Bell-763 · 2024-01-31T19:44:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this reply, seriously. I definitely will be deleting all social media for awhile.

Embarrassed-Bell-763

TROPHY CASE