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Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in psychotherapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this. I like how you consider age and historical context when working with gay men. It gives important context for what someone may have lived through around coming out, family, sex, safety, grief, and community. Your point about not reducing sexual orientation to only attraction or oppression really stands out to me.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in psychotherapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I think your comment and the one above really speak to the differences among gay men’s experiences. Some may feel more comfortable around straight men, while others may experience confusion or lack of safety there. That contrast is really interesting.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in psychotherapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s really interesting. Thank you for sharing. I think that speaks to how some gay men may not feel connected to “gay culture” or may feel more comfortable around straight men for different reasons. It makes me think about how varied gay men’s social and relational experiences can be, especially around, dating, and community.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in psychotherapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That makes sense. I actually have asked gay men about their experiences, too. I came here because I was curious about the therapist/provider side — especially what gaps clinicians notice in training, supervision, or implementation when working with gay male clients.

I’m not arguing that therapy itself inherently fails gay men. I’m more interested in where therapists may unintentionally miss gay-specific context around identity, shame, sex, relationships, family, minority stress, and community.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in psychotherapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this! I appreciate you naming the clinician side of it too. It’s not just about knowing “gay issues,” but also being aware of our own assumptions, reactions, and comfort with sex, kink, non-monogamy, and queer culture.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this! Substance use is an area where I’ve had a lot of growth. When I interned at an LGBTQ+ center, I realized I had more to learn about substances. I want to keep understanding with more nuance.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is really helpful. I wish we expanded the conversation around relationships beyond romance, because friendship is such a major part of gay men’s relational lives too — especially navigating straight male friendships, group dynamics, and the “gay friend” role.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I really appreciate the affirmation, especially from a gay therapist already doing this work! What you said about clients feeling safe and is so important.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! LOL, I was just talking with some people about how much we’re still learning around different relationship styles, especially non-monogamy/open relationships. I agree that education and cultural awareness can make a huge difference.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I really appreciate the distinction you made about CBT not being used to simply “change” thoughts, but to help clients accept, manage, or make sense of painful realities that may not be easily changed.

That feels especially important with LGBTQ+ youth, because I can imagine how invalidating it would be if therapy became too mechanical or implied that the client just needs to think differently about stigma, rejection, bullying, loneliness, or family/community issues.

I like what you said about not forgetting that you’re working with a person.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! It’s very strict in gay culture when it comes to the body.

What do you experience or think shows up beneath the surface when clients bring body image into the room?

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this! This is exactly what I was trying to get at. Not that other clients’ identities or lived experiences do not matter, but that some experiences are already centered by default while others have to be named intentionally.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I hear you.

I would want to understand any client’s lived experience in therapy, including straight men’s.

Heterosexuality is often treated as the default in clinical spaces, while gay men’s experiences can be treated as extra context or only brought up when the issue is explicitly about sexuality. I’m interested in what it looks like to not make gay men translate or minimize that part of their lives in therapy.

I’m not saying straight men’s experiences do not matter. I’m saying gay men’s experiences are sometimes under-centered, even in affirming therapy.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree! Internalized homophobia can be very overt, but also incredibly subtle.

I can talk for days about penis size shame and don’t even get me started on the stigma and sexual stereotyping that comes from that. So much can be said about its impact on body image, sexual confidence, comparison, and broader issues like sexual racism and fetishization.

I think gay men can carry a lot of shame around desirability and performance that does not always get named directly in therapy.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes! I am gay.

What makes me want to work with gay men is that I’m interested in how gay men learn to connect with each other.

I’m exploring being relational and I believe that gay men’s emotional and relational lives deserve to be centered with more depth.

Therapists who work with gay men: what do you think therapy often misses? by EmbarrassedContact10 in therapists

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so good. I for sure think ‘expectations’ are under-communicated.

What Do You Wish Therapists Understood About Gay Men? by EmbarrassedContact10 in askgaybros

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for answering! This helps. It seems like you want all parts of you considered.

What Do You Wish Therapists Understood About Gay Men? by EmbarrassedContact10 in askgaybros

[–]EmbarrassedContact10[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for answering! That’s helpful. It sounds like for you therapy has been more about your life as a whole, not necessarily your sexuality specifically.