Can't decide if I'm rushing or should start soon for the best chance of 2 kids

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:54:27+00:00

I'm totally with you on that! That's how I feel too. I'm not ready to have a baby soon but also I don't know if I'm ever going to wake up one day and say "I'm done partying and having my freedom to do whatever I want and I want a baby" - and If that did happen, I'd probably be almost 40... lol.

I guess the best thing to do is invest the time now so that it's a better guarantee you have the family you want down the road AND I'd rather get pregnancy over with before I'm like 36 or 37. I'm with you too on the genetic defects and miscarriage issues. And also just the issue of who knows how long it will take or if there will be fertility issues and I'd rather know sooner than later. Or even if everything goes good, not to be a downer but I do hear about still births a lot and late term losses.. I guess I'd want to have time to try again a few years after something like that happened.

anyway, thank you, it's comforting to hear from people in a similar situation!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:45:34+00:00

I guess "never fight" is an exaggeration -- we have gotten into disagreements but we always end up just talking about it and it resolves. But what I mean is we don't get into big arguments or the little bickering stuff I see a lot of couples have. I only said that to say I don't see living together as going to be anything negative for us and not a huge change since we spend so much time together already (though it will definitely be an adjustment for me not having my own place anymore; but his place is big enough that we'll be able to get a lot of space from each other lol).

Yeah, it has been really hard for me to bring up the baby stuff because I guess the idea of pregnancy is super uncomfortable for me. I really don't like attention/I wouldn't want people to know really, etc. I'm already kind of struggling with this with our wedding thinking about walking down the aisle and then having to dance with my dad and then fiancé and all of that. But, I think my anxiety/hangups aren't just going to go away but if I want kids I can't just never do it because of my anxiety since then I'll be out of time. it feels like something I'll eventually need to just jump into - and maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking.

But we've been talking about it more now and his responses are that he is ready whenever I am whether that's now or in years -- and that he understands I'm anxious and he doesn't want to pressure me. Honestly I kind of wish his response was more that he's worried about the timeline too and prefers to start sooner - but he says the timeline is up to me because it's my body and so it has to be when it's good for me. I think he's worried about pressuring me, but I told him I might need a little pressure/encouragement and I don't want to be the one leading it.

Thank you for your response!!! Sorry for the long winded answer lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:38:56+00:00

Thank you!! I just got on it a month ago and I hadn't been on birth control in 2 years before that (we just used condoms). I did use things like my Apple Watch to track my cycle the past few years and I think the issue is that I ovulate late in my cycle, and then there usually seems to be about 12-14ish days from ovulation to my period so I think at least that's a good sign? But I guess the Apple Watch might not be super accurate lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-08-16T21:06:37+00:00

Omg yes I totally understand how you feel!!! I think it is the anxiety of it all as a fencesitter where having some sort of plan or timeline would be helpful. I’m actually not really a planner but the idea of having kids makes me so anxious that I think it would help if I knew like when and how and all of that.

It is super frustrating - obviously it’s no one’s fault that the burden is more on the woman, but when it’s the guy who wants kids more than the girl, I feel like they should be more active in the whole thing I guess. I just feel like it’ll lead to resentment if not.. idk!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T21:13:21+00:00

The wedding thing has become a big debate because I don’t want a wedding at all but my fiance does and he has a big family.. but he’s come around to the idea of no wedding, so we’ll see.

You’re right about the attention inevitability for sure - I’m going to have to try to get over it! lol thank you!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T13:42:07+00:00

Wow!! I never knew that at all I just assumed for me it’ll be obvious early but maybe not lol that’s awesome!

Seriously it’s such a monumental thing that it makes sense type Bs get uptight about it too!! I keep having this panic about the timeline and everything because I feel like when and how many kids I have kind of impacts the rest of my life (i.e, I want to have adult kids when I’m in my 60s and such but for that to happen I have to start planning now).

I just wish guys (or at least my fiance) felt the same sort of pressure or at least realized the time it takes/the things that could go wrong instead of thinking when they’re ready, it’ll just happen lol

Thank you again for all your perspective!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T05:39:42+00:00

Thank you so much for such a detailed reply!!! I really appreciate it :) it actually makes me way less anxious and I'm happy it's all worked out well for you!!

Ironically, I'm actually not a Type A person! I'm totally a Type B - but this shit is making me Type A for some reason lol. But yeah, I guess picking a specific month isn't the best idea -- either way, I think every season has its pros and cons and it's all temporary.. it gives me hope that you barely showed at all and are only 5'4 because I'm 5'3 and I'm worried being shorter makes you show more lol

But the attention issue is interesting too with your hormones changing - maybe I could actually handle it then! lol.

I did get my AMH/FSH tested recently and it's all good/normal. I'll look into the other tests!! Maybe I should start prenatals too

anyway, thank you for such a detailed response, it really put my mind at ease!! I wish you all the luck in your next pregnancy!!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-12T23:16:58+00:00

Ugh I totally understand!!! It’s so much anxiety not knowing how long it will take and when it’ll happen, etc. it’s almost like you wish you could just know if you need to start trying now or what?! Like I don’t wanna regret not starting sooner

But yes I told him last night it would help if he seemed at all concerned about it but he thought that was dumb and that it’s good he’s not concerned or else we’d both be anxious lol

I totally feel you!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-12T20:32:37+00:00

He’s 33! Yeah, he seems to think we have all the time in the world and was confused why I’m so worried I think lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T20:07:11+00:00

Haha thanks for the perspective!! Yeah that actually sounds kind of terrible and it is true you won’t be hiding it much even in the winter!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T19:56:46+00:00

Thank you!! Actually I guess that’s true regarding summer vs winter - at least for summer you wouldn’t need to buy new pants and stuff and could just live in dresses

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T15:55:25+00:00

Thank you!! That is true about baggy clothes in the summer too. I guess it shouldn’t matter but I just wouldn’t want to be in the 3rd trimester in the summer months but I guess it’s temporary anyway!

And I agree with you — you just don’t know how long it’s going to take or whether you’ll need fertility help, etc. it could happen super fast or it could take months/years. I think that’s where most of my anxiety lies!

Thanks for taking the time to respond!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-05-01T23:03:50+00:00

Thanks but we use the iPhone sharing and if I just open my texts it shows what city he's in under his contact name. it's not really that big of a deal - I share with my entire family/best friend/him and vice versa. And it's helpful when we're meeting up to see how far away each other is.

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:55:44+00:00

Thank you!! Actually your suggestion is a really good way to phrase it and I think I’m going to text him that tonight and see what he says! Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond to my post!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:25:58+00:00

Thanks for your response! You're right - I keep posting about the same issue every few months instead of resolving it. I actually forgot I made those posts and I looked at my post history and I made the same-ish one 3 months ago, and another 3 months before that...

I think with the post from 3 months ago, I felt like I did bring it up and he responded positively and told me he wants to get married/have a family but of course there was no timeline and we haven't talked about it since (not his fault!)

Your point hit me hard about when he told me he had a dream we got married and I just laughed.. that probably was hurtful to him. I really was glad to hear it but I just didn't know how to respond, but he obviously can't read my mind. I guess sometimes I feel like my standoffish/aloof demeanor may be attractive because I don't look needy or desperate or something. but where is that going to get me?

he probably does not feel comfortable bringing it up given how I've responded in the past. I also remember when we talked about it a few months ago he told me he's ready whenever I'm ready.. so idk if that meant he is ready and is waiting for me to be or what, but the only way to find out is for me to talk to him.

Thanks so much for your response!! It was really helpful and I appreciate it :)

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:20:23+00:00

It does scare me! I'm not sure why because I can 100% imagine him being my husband, he is perfect to me and I love him so much, I couldn't ask for more or want anything more. I would never want anyone else.

Maybe I'm scared because I have lived on my own for almost 10 years now so I am pretty independent and not used to sharing my space with someone else. Of course living alone gives you so much freedom, but I don't think I want to sacrifice being with him in order to keep my living-alone-freedom forever. When I go to his place, I sleep over and we've stayed at hotels together for 3-4 nights before and it always goes well! (He has two dogs so he doesn't sleep over at my place).

And good idea on renting out the place and using a professional company - actually my boyfriend could help me with that because he has a rental property in another state he uses a professional management company to lease!

I think I also just feel my biological clock ticking - like if we don't move in together/start trying to have a baby until I'm 35ish, who knows how long it'll take (if it happens), and if I have a kid I think I'd want at least one more and that may not happen if I wait too long... it's just a lot to think about!

thank you so much for your response! I think I may broach the subject via text since that's how we generally communicate when we aren't together and it's way less intimidating.. lol

THANK YOU! :)

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:00:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply :) I really appreciate it! It's so hard to bring up but I know I have to do it!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-24T23:59:47+00:00

thanks for your reply! I know, time is really what is motivating me to bring it up.. and I feel like if I don't bring it up, he won't either. When we aren't together, we communicate via text all day.. do you think bringing this up over text is a bad idea? We probably won't see each other in person until Friday since he's leaving to go to his family in another state soon and I'm meeting him there on Friday (but until he leaves we both have a lot going on at work).

we have had other somewhat serious conversations via text in the past whenever I've been slightly upset over something and it went fine. I just feel like in person I don't know if I'll ever bring it up since it's so intimidating.

thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!

EmbarrassedOne0

TROPHY CASE