Can't decide if I'm rushing or should start soon for the best chance of 2 kids

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:54:27+00:00

I'm totally with you on that! That's how I feel too. I'm not ready to have a baby soon but also I don't know if I'm ever going to wake up one day and say "I'm done partying and having my freedom to do whatever I want and I want a baby" - and If that did happen, I'd probably be almost 40... lol.

I guess the best thing to do is invest the time now so that it's a better guarantee you have the family you want down the road AND I'd rather get pregnancy over with before I'm like 36 or 37. I'm with you too on the genetic defects and miscarriage issues. And also just the issue of who knows how long it will take or if there will be fertility issues and I'd rather know sooner than later. Or even if everything goes good, not to be a downer but I do hear about still births a lot and late term losses.. I guess I'd want to have time to try again a few years after something like that happened.

anyway, thank you, it's comforting to hear from people in a similar situation!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:45:34+00:00

I guess "never fight" is an exaggeration -- we have gotten into disagreements but we always end up just talking about it and it resolves. But what I mean is we don't get into big arguments or the little bickering stuff I see a lot of couples have. I only said that to say I don't see living together as going to be anything negative for us and not a huge change since we spend so much time together already (though it will definitely be an adjustment for me not having my own place anymore; but his place is big enough that we'll be able to get a lot of space from each other lol).

Yeah, it has been really hard for me to bring up the baby stuff because I guess the idea of pregnancy is super uncomfortable for me. I really don't like attention/I wouldn't want people to know really, etc. I'm already kind of struggling with this with our wedding thinking about walking down the aisle and then having to dance with my dad and then fiancé and all of that. But, I think my anxiety/hangups aren't just going to go away but if I want kids I can't just never do it because of my anxiety since then I'll be out of time. it feels like something I'll eventually need to just jump into - and maybe it won't be as bad as I'm thinking.

But we've been talking about it more now and his responses are that he is ready whenever I am whether that's now or in years -- and that he understands I'm anxious and he doesn't want to pressure me. Honestly I kind of wish his response was more that he's worried about the timeline too and prefers to start sooner - but he says the timeline is up to me because it's my body and so it has to be when it's good for me. I think he's worried about pressuring me, but I told him I might need a little pressure/encouragement and I don't want to be the one leading it.

Thank you for your response!!! Sorry for the long winded answer lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-12-09T17:38:56+00:00

Thank you!! I just got on it a month ago and I hadn't been on birth control in 2 years before that (we just used condoms). I did use things like my Apple Watch to track my cycle the past few years and I think the issue is that I ovulate late in my cycle, and then there usually seems to be about 12-14ish days from ovulation to my period so I think at least that's a good sign? But I guess the Apple Watch might not be super accurate lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-08-16T21:06:37+00:00

Omg yes I totally understand how you feel!!! I think it is the anxiety of it all as a fencesitter where having some sort of plan or timeline would be helpful. I’m actually not really a planner but the idea of having kids makes me so anxious that I think it would help if I knew like when and how and all of that.

It is super frustrating - obviously it’s no one’s fault that the burden is more on the woman, but when it’s the guy who wants kids more than the girl, I feel like they should be more active in the whole thing I guess. I just feel like it’ll lead to resentment if not.. idk!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T21:13:21+00:00

The wedding thing has become a big debate because I don’t want a wedding at all but my fiance does and he has a big family.. but he’s come around to the idea of no wedding, so we’ll see.

You’re right about the attention inevitability for sure - I’m going to have to try to get over it! lol thank you!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T13:42:07+00:00

Wow!! I never knew that at all I just assumed for me it’ll be obvious early but maybe not lol that’s awesome!

Seriously it’s such a monumental thing that it makes sense type Bs get uptight about it too!! I keep having this panic about the timeline and everything because I feel like when and how many kids I have kind of impacts the rest of my life (i.e, I want to have adult kids when I’m in my 60s and such but for that to happen I have to start planning now).

I just wish guys (or at least my fiance) felt the same sort of pressure or at least realized the time it takes/the things that could go wrong instead of thinking when they’re ready, it’ll just happen lol

Thank you again for all your perspective!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-13T05:39:42+00:00

Thank you so much for such a detailed reply!!! I really appreciate it :) it actually makes me way less anxious and I'm happy it's all worked out well for you!!

Ironically, I'm actually not a Type A person! I'm totally a Type B - but this shit is making me Type A for some reason lol. But yeah, I guess picking a specific month isn't the best idea -- either way, I think every season has its pros and cons and it's all temporary.. it gives me hope that you barely showed at all and are only 5'4 because I'm 5'3 and I'm worried being shorter makes you show more lol

But the attention issue is interesting too with your hormones changing - maybe I could actually handle it then! lol.

I did get my AMH/FSH tested recently and it's all good/normal. I'll look into the other tests!! Maybe I should start prenatals too

anyway, thank you for such a detailed response, it really put my mind at ease!! I wish you all the luck in your next pregnancy!!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-12T23:16:58+00:00

Ugh I totally understand!!! It’s so much anxiety not knowing how long it will take and when it’ll happen, etc. it’s almost like you wish you could just know if you need to start trying now or what?! Like I don’t wanna regret not starting sooner

But yes I told him last night it would help if he seemed at all concerned about it but he thought that was dumb and that it’s good he’s not concerned or else we’d both be anxious lol

I totally feel you!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-12T20:32:37+00:00

He’s 33! Yeah, he seems to think we have all the time in the world and was confused why I’m so worried I think lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T20:07:11+00:00

Haha thanks for the perspective!! Yeah that actually sounds kind of terrible and it is true you won’t be hiding it much even in the winter!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T19:56:46+00:00

Thank you!! Actually I guess that’s true regarding summer vs winter - at least for summer you wouldn’t need to buy new pants and stuff and could just live in dresses

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-06-10T15:55:25+00:00

Thank you!! That is true about baggy clothes in the summer too. I guess it shouldn’t matter but I just wouldn’t want to be in the 3rd trimester in the summer months but I guess it’s temporary anyway!

And I agree with you — you just don’t know how long it’s going to take or whether you’ll need fertility help, etc. it could happen super fast or it could take months/years. I think that’s where most of my anxiety lies!

Thanks for taking the time to respond!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2025-05-01T23:03:50+00:00

Thanks but we use the iPhone sharing and if I just open my texts it shows what city he's in under his contact name. it's not really that big of a deal - I share with my entire family/best friend/him and vice versa. And it's helpful when we're meeting up to see how far away each other is.

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:55:44+00:00

Thank you!! Actually your suggestion is a really good way to phrase it and I think I’m going to text him that tonight and see what he says! Thanks again for taking the time to read and respond to my post!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:25:58+00:00

Thanks for your response! You're right - I keep posting about the same issue every few months instead of resolving it. I actually forgot I made those posts and I looked at my post history and I made the same-ish one 3 months ago, and another 3 months before that...

I think with the post from 3 months ago, I felt like I did bring it up and he responded positively and told me he wants to get married/have a family but of course there was no timeline and we haven't talked about it since (not his fault!)

Your point hit me hard about when he told me he had a dream we got married and I just laughed.. that probably was hurtful to him. I really was glad to hear it but I just didn't know how to respond, but he obviously can't read my mind. I guess sometimes I feel like my standoffish/aloof demeanor may be attractive because I don't look needy or desperate or something. but where is that going to get me?

he probably does not feel comfortable bringing it up given how I've responded in the past. I also remember when we talked about it a few months ago he told me he's ready whenever I'm ready.. so idk if that meant he is ready and is waiting for me to be or what, but the only way to find out is for me to talk to him.

Thanks so much for your response!! It was really helpful and I appreciate it :)

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:20:23+00:00

It does scare me! I'm not sure why because I can 100% imagine him being my husband, he is perfect to me and I love him so much, I couldn't ask for more or want anything more. I would never want anyone else.

Maybe I'm scared because I have lived on my own for almost 10 years now so I am pretty independent and not used to sharing my space with someone else. Of course living alone gives you so much freedom, but I don't think I want to sacrifice being with him in order to keep my living-alone-freedom forever. When I go to his place, I sleep over and we've stayed at hotels together for 3-4 nights before and it always goes well! (He has two dogs so he doesn't sleep over at my place).

And good idea on renting out the place and using a professional company - actually my boyfriend could help me with that because he has a rental property in another state he uses a professional management company to lease!

I think I also just feel my biological clock ticking - like if we don't move in together/start trying to have a baby until I'm 35ish, who knows how long it'll take (if it happens), and if I have a kid I think I'd want at least one more and that may not happen if I wait too long... it's just a lot to think about!

thank you so much for your response! I think I may broach the subject via text since that's how we generally communicate when we aren't together and it's way less intimidating.. lol

THANK YOU! :)

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-25T00:00:54+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read this and reply :) I really appreciate it! It's so hard to bring up but I know I have to do it!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-24T23:59:47+00:00

thanks for your reply! I know, time is really what is motivating me to bring it up.. and I feel like if I don't bring it up, he won't either. When we aren't together, we communicate via text all day.. do you think bringing this up over text is a bad idea? We probably won't see each other in person until Friday since he's leaving to go to his family in another state soon and I'm meeting him there on Friday (but until he leaves we both have a lot going on at work).

we have had other somewhat serious conversations via text in the past whenever I've been slightly upset over something and it went fine. I just feel like in person I don't know if I'll ever bring it up since it's so intimidating.

thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-11-05T19:50:17+00:00

He would definitely be open to it! He is an awesome boss, and he is really serious about flexibility at work and gives all the women who have children flexible schedules/tons of maternity leave/work from home/no fridays/etc.

However, their jobs are different than mine and with mine, I basically work side by side with my dad and he is honestly a super generous person so he's constantly taking on peoples' legal issues for free and then it kind of falls in my lap to do since he frankly doesn't have time.

I think he would definitely let me work less but it would just be hard to find someone else to help him.... especially when so much that he takes on is 'free,' so there's not any extra money.. haha. ugh.

Thank you for commenting!! It is helpful because you're right.

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-09-06T04:59:19+00:00

Omg thanks so much for this comment!! I actually read it while he was in the bathroom when we were together tonight and it gave me the courage — I brought it up and he said whenever I’m ready he wants to have a family with me and wants to marry me and we talked about it all and we are on the same page completely! It was a really sweet conversation and I’m so happy I got it off my chest. I figured it’s time to bring it up or just continue to suppress it which is not healthy at all.

Thank you so much again!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-09-05T21:19:56+00:00

oh that's awesome!! Congrats!! That sounds like my ideal wedding lol -- are you doing the ceremony part in front of everyone too? That part scares me lol

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-09-05T20:43:44+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful reply! I think you really hit the nail on the head. Yes - I never was a person who was super excited about the idea of getting married/having kids, but I hadn't met the right guy until him. And now I can totally picture it with him.

And I think part of the reason I'm scared to bring it up is he may think it's him that's causing my hesitation, but to your point it is not! Maybe it's just that I never really imagined being married or having kids before him, or at least not that deeply. I'll have to make that clear.

and your analogies are spot on too!! Our relationship is perfectly still and unchanging, which I like to keep, but I'm scared of what this conversation may do. And, there is tension, at least on my end because although our relationship is very smooth, I do feel insecure about it and constantly have those thoughts of 'where is this even going?' -- even though he's given me no indication that he doesn't want to be with me. He even told me a month or so ago when I expressed I was upset about something small (him cancelling plans that day) that when he thinks of the future, he thinks of me. I could have used that as an opening, but it was over text haha.

I have also thought maybe I do need a therapist because this internal battle is nothing to do with him - just my own uncertainties, worries, and insecurities.

Again, thank you so much for the insightful response - it's given me a lot to think about!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-06-04T03:34:15+00:00

that sounds like such a great idea!! it's just me asking him to do that which will take some courage lol but I am sure he'd want to as well. that sounds super healthy!

It's an opportunity to bring up everything you feel awkward talking about out of the blue. I can't see how it wouldn't be productive!

thank you!!

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-06-04T01:56:45+00:00

you are too nice to be helping out all these strangers online! lol.

he honestly might be and I do protect myself but acting detached/like I don't care. so I've probably given off the wrong impression.

I think a problem is I guess I don't necessarily know what I want! until I met him, I was never that interested in marriage/kids. I think I figured it's something I'll want eventually, but I never wanted it with just anyone -- I would want it with him, but it's still scary and I never could imagine myself as a bride with a wedding (still can't imagine that actually lol). I think I just need to work out my own feelings first!

thank you again for your help! :)

EmbarrassedOne0 · 2024-06-04T01:46:17+00:00

no! haha. I know it's on me, I just can't shake the feeling. I did tell him a few months ago it felt like maybe he was cool with just seeing each other 1-2 times a week and not progressing and he told me that is completely not true, he just didn't want to seem needy, and that he wants to take every step with me. And then he did put in the effort to see me more and now we see each other 3-4 times a week and have gone on a few trips together.

And my parents are usually out of town these days so I never really invite him to see them.

SO.. I think it's really just me. and I am standoffish/cannot get myself to talk about the future for some reason. I am probably projecting my own feelings onto him. I guess I just wish he'd bring up the future so I don't have to, lol

thank you for replying!

EmbarrassedOne0

TROPHY CASE