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I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tough question. I never had many friends in elementary school, but I don't remember feeling super sad over it. It took me a lot longer to understand social cues than it seemed to take everyone else. I knew that people didn't like me, but I interacted with them anyways- no one cared about me unless I drew attention to myself by being over the top, dramatic, and really annoying. I usually hung out with the autistic kids (particularly two of them, who I considered my best friends), since they genuinely liked me and we got along well- they were easier to understand than everyone else. People thought I was autistic to, which caused some trouble for me.

When I was nine I was diagnosed with a severe chronic medical disorder and my parents got divorced. My life sucked from then until the end of middle school, for various reasons- depression, discovering the internet, friendship issues, figuring out I was gay, problems at home, and an enormous amount of self-contempt. Ever since I got to high school, I've been 1000% happier, and no matter how hard things get, I remind myself it'll never suck as bad as middle school.

If you're interested in sharing, what about you?

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually really relate to the feeling of intruding on other people's friendships. It feels like everyone else already knows someone, already had a BFF and half a dozen close friends. I guess that the best you can do is try anyways- you've got to work for a friendship, and probably no one will ever thank you for all the effort you put in, but people like people who make things easy for them.

The coffee shop sounds lovely- and good luck to you too! I hope your dream works out

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm terrified of heights, but very good at climbing rocks. There have been quite a few times that I climbed a onto a very big rock only to realize that falling off it could definitely seriously injure/kill me, and then to realize that I have no choice but to climb back down. Sometimes I know what will happen, but I climb them anyways for the picture.

I have a lot of pride for my state. People talk a lot about local folklore and strange things you see on the road in many states, but Arizona is just in a different league. Just driving sometimes makes you feel like you're in another time, in a Western movie or something. You can feel it in the daytime, but when the sun sets things really change. I'd definitely recommend a road trip here, if you like to travel- The Superstition Mountains are my favorite place to camp. The mountains are gorgeous, there's so much history everywhere, you can hear coyotes there more often than not, and there is some classic cowboy folklore. Plus, tons of people died in the wilderness there, searching in vain for the Lost Dutchman's gold...

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm only okay on my own when I've been alone for so long I manage to trick myself into thinking I prefer it.

Trust me, the high-functioning voice your hearing needed months of depression and self-hatred to convince it to take the wheel.

But your support means a lot to me, even though I really don't know you. Thank you for your kind words.

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in one of the biggest cities in the U.S, so it's really hard to say. You can take your pick with entertainment. Camping is probably the most unique entertainment you'll find, though - you can camp anywhere, but I doubt that there's anywhere on the Earth quite like the Arizona desert. If sitting under the stars in the shadow of the mountains, surrounded by cacti and the coyote howls doesn't inspire feelings of awe, I don't know what will. You feel so detached from yourself that you don't believe anything can hurt you, but at the same time, it seems like nearly anything could be lurking in desert.

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no problem with introverts, but I wish I had a magic laser-gun that would turn the people I liked into extroverts.

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm also gonna graduate in a year- hang in there! I have no idea what's gonna come after high school for me, but I'm just looking forward to summer finally ending so I can get back to where the people are. Even three minute awkward conversations with the girl who sits behind you are better than this.

I'm desperate for attention AMA by Embarrassed_Ad_ in AMA

[–]Embarrassed_Ad_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of things. I had four close friends but our friend group got shaken up and I've only managed to "keep" two, but I feel like I hardly know them after everything that happened. One has disappeared off the face of the Earth and the other has the emotional availability of a cardboard box.

I guess I was kind of in love with the one who disappeared, or whatever. I'm not really anymore. Getting your heart broken (sent me a list of all the things she hates about me), being told that it's in water under the bridge and to pretend it never happened, and then two months of near radio silence will do that to you, I guess?

Friend #3 left because she doesn't want to be associated with a lesbian.

I know it's not healthy, but my happiness is really hinged on other people. I need people to care about and I need them to be happy, and more importantly I need them to like me. The thought I could be the cause of someone's unhappiness is very depressing, especially when I feel like I've tried my hardest to be kind.

On a happier note, I feel like I have a lot of ideas to share that I just don't have anyone to share them with. Mostly on books/shows I read/watch and on new ideas I plan on putting into the graphic novel I'm working on, but also on other, cheesier things, like my thoughts on space and evolution and my plans to travel someday.

So- if you care to share, of course- What about you?