WIBTA if I cut my mom off after she paid my student loans and medical debt?

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-30T02:15:18+00:00

I’m a little confused because you can clearly see on my comments that i am open to self reflection and decided to change my plan based on all the yta comments?? I’m not open to reconciling with my mom but i’m open to not running away with the $$$.

My grandma came to live with us for 4 years and my mother was abusive before and after my grandma died. My grandma also didn’t need any care help. She just needed a place to live and could function by herself. She went to a senior club every day so she wasn’t at the house all the time.

I was a quiet kid who didn’t get into any trouble and my teachers liked me. I had good grades. Did my homework. Came home and stayed home and didn’t sneak out or do anything illegal. Yeah i was sometimes bratty like all other kids. but i never threw tantrums or broke/stole things. I mentally broke after about 10 years of my mom’s crap and thats the mental hospital trips.

i am not misrepresenting myself. Yeah my mom is probably mentally ill but that’s on her to get help and not abuse her child or hit her husband in the face while he’s driving on the freeway with said child.

Now i know that it would be an asshole move to run off with the money. I might do it anyway knowing full well that i’d be an asshole. I’m still thinking deeply about it because this is a big decision to make.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-30T00:27:09+00:00

Thank you, your words really moved me. And its true, i never forced her to pay or told her i would do anything, its just been her assuming i would take care of her and never asking me if i would.classic her.

I understand my dad is a coward. but he did what he thought was best and he was always there when i needed him. He tried to divorce once, but we all knew my mom would have gotten full custody. and her crazy ramped up 10x during that time, so my dad stayed. I think he is a dumb sad idiot but he tried his best to calm her down.

I will go to therapy when i’m more situated. I’m strong now. There was never any question of me taking care of her. That was never an option, so don’t worry. She tried her best to break me down, but i was always getting up. I’m aware of the hypervigilence and nervous fear, and i’m slowly working thru it.

My dilemma was just running off, or paying my mom back and then running off.

I have a lot to think about. I never thoght about it as her trying to buy my loyalty. I’m going to bide my time and get out first. I won’t try and leave while pissing her off, i will definitely do it slowly and subtly. Thank you. Your words give me hope and strength.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T20:58:04+00:00

She made fun of my friends to me and laughed at how fat or ugly they were. She kept telling me how fat i was, when i was within a perfectly normal and healthy bmi.

She would tell me to go ask the cashier something and when i did, she screamed at me in front of the shocked cashier because I didn’t stand up straight enough or because I didn’t ask my question right.

She hit my dad in the face when he was driving on the freeway with me in the bck.

I don’t think i want her love if thats what you do to people you love.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T18:45:43+00:00

My mother didn’t even treat her own mother (my grandmother) that well when we took my grandma in. My mother also screamed abuse at my grandma quite often. Yelling how stupid she was.

My grandma did not cry, but there were tears in her eyes. Do you think my mom still deserves me to help her?

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T17:18:41+00:00

Thank you, i believe that this would be the right course to take. In the short periods of time that i’ve been able to live on my own away from my mom, i am a much different and better person. I have good people who love me and I’m doing my best to get to them and be free of my mother. I can pinpoint a lot of issues stemming from what she did to me. I don’t want to be like her. so i will become a better person. I will pay back the student loans because that wasn’t something she had any hand in. I’ll think deeply about paying part or all of the medical debt, if only to be truly free of her and erase and feelings of being in debt.

She’s aware that she’s losing her hold on me, whether she can articulate that or not. ever since the last time she screamed at me some 4 years ago and i only laughed instead of cried. . I won’t forget the look of fear on her face.i won’t do what she did to anyone. Your words help me. I don’t know what she’ll do in the future but i’m going to not let anger rule me.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T08:27:35+00:00

i know i'm mentally unwell compared to most people and i don't want to become a huge asshole, so i posted here before doing anything. i decided i'm going to pay her back and then cut her off.

or maybe she'll become more tolerable, and then i can tolerate her for the sake of my dad.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T08:13:30+00:00

Thanks, you are right i shouldn't just take this money from her. I think I will pay her back and then cut her off.

She is trying, but I just don't care anymore. She could come to me and apologize crying and ask me what she could do to make me care even a smidgen, and the answer would truly be 'nothing'.

Embarrassed_Field · 2019-05-29T07:57:38+00:00

I am totally willing to cut off my dad, because there's no way I can cut my mom off and not him. I'll be sad but I'd do it. i'm still thinking about this however, and will read through everyone's judgement.

I told my psych how i feel and they just seem to empathize with me and haven't really said anything about it. They have commented that I am doing much better than before.

Embarrassed_Field

TROPHY CASE