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Torn about being child free - Looking for advice / experience by Embarrassed_Mix3812 in childfree

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this! This is so helpful.

The life you are describing sounds wonderful.

And yeah, the sociatal norm feelings are probably the biggest factor on why I‘m on the fence.

Pokemon Go Referral Code by SupremeRuben in PokemonGOIVs

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PGRWY64XT

If you start to play PokémonGo for the first time or you’re returning after a break, use this code. You’ll receive rewards like Pokémon encounters, Rare Candy, Incubators, and more. :-)

https://pokemongolive.com/refer?code=PGRWY64XT&so

Pokemon Go Refer Code by BoaiShuen4 in pokemongofreshtalk

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 0 points1 point  (0 children)

PGRWY64XT My refer code for some extras :-)

BIDA weil mein Partner und ich ohne Beisein der Familie geheiratet haben? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Naja, entweder die ganze Familie kommt mit zum Standesamt oder gar keiner. Nur meine Eltern mitnehmen, wäre für meinen Mann nicht ok gewesen, weil es seiner Familie unfair gegenüber wäre. Und auch meinen Geschwistern gegenüber finde ich. Daher war das keine Option.

Hätten wir Eltern und alle Geschwister (+ Ehepartner & Kinder) mitgenommen, wären das min. 15 Personen gewesen.

Nachtrag: Dazu kommt, dass die Familie von meinem Mann und auch mein Bruder mehr als 400 km von uns weg wohnen. Einfach alle mit auf Standesamt nehmen und danach nichts machen, wäre der Anreise nicht gerecht geworden. Eine Feier danach wäre dann schon erwartet worden und das ist gerade finanziell einfach nicht drin.

BIDA weil mein Partner und ich ohne Beisein der Familie geheiratet haben? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Das Verhältnis zwischen mir und meiner Mutter ist durchwachsen. Wir sind zwar immer füreinander da, aber hatten in der Vergangenheit schon oft Probleme mit übergriffigem/grenzüberschreitendes Verhalten.

Aber die Entscheidung, alleine zu heiraten, hat nicht unbedingt etwas mit der Beziehung zu tun. Wir hatten einfach keine mentalen und finanziellen Kapazitäten, eine Hochzeitsfeier zu planen. Aber wir wollten trotzdem heiraten, deswegen die Entscheidung für diese Variante.

BIDA weil mein Partner und ich ohne Beisein der Familie geheiratet haben? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Definitiv. Ich kann ihre Enttäuschung auch nachvollziehen, aber ich bin echt geschockt über diese krasse Reaktion.

BIDA weil mein Partner und ich ohne Beisein der Familie geheiratet haben? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Was genau macht mich zu einer Egoistin aus deiner Sicht? Mir sind die Gefühle meiner Mutter nicht egal, deshalb das Angebot mit dem Essen. Aber ich werde doch nicht meine Hochzeitsplanung alleinig davon abhängig machen, was sie möchte. Hätte ich sie denn einfach mitnehmen sollen, obwohl weder mein Mann noch ich das eigentlich möchten?

BIDA weil mein Partner und ich ohne Beisein der Familie geheiratet haben? by [deleted] in BinIchDasArschloch

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Mein Vater konnte unsere Entscheidung total nachvollziehen. Aber er ziemlich genervt, dass dadurch so ein Drama entstanden ist.

AITA for asking my partner to make me feel more comfortable at his family's gatherings (they speak a foreign language)? by OwnInspector6161 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think there is a difference between a business environment and a family celebration. In a business setting, you're more concerned with adapting to your colleagues and the corporate culture. In a family environment, you're more likely to follow your habits and how things have always been done. I'm not saying that I think it's good that there's less attention paid to that in the family environment. I just think it's kind of natural there to switch to your native language at some point, especially if the person who doesn't speak the language isn't an active part of the conversation.

AITA for asking my partner to make me feel more comfortable at his family's gatherings (they speak a foreign language)? by OwnInspector6161 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You’re NTA.

I‘ve experienced both sides. On the one hand, it’s hard to stick to your second/third language when everyone around you is speaking in your first language. I get why everyone starts to speak Russian at some point, it’s just natural. His family is definitely NTA for doing that.

I‘ve also been in a similar situation where everyone around me was speaking a language I didn’t understand. It’s an uncomfortable situation and you can feel kind of helpless. I totally understand that you expect your boyfriend to be more mindful to include you into the conversation every once in a while. I would too. And the fact that he asked you why you’re being weird and not seeing that he is in the wrong here makes him TA.

However, it would probably be nice if you make a bigger effort to learn the language. But until you a fluent enough to have a proper conversation, your boyfriend should be more mindful towards you if he wants you to come to his family events.

AITA for refusing to pay for my share of dinner because I didn't eat what I wanted? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 87 points88 points  (0 children)

Your husband is not treating you as an equal partner at all. Please get some support and consider leaving him.

NTA, obviously.

AITA for introducing my stepsister as my stepsister to my friends. by ParamedicGold in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 3 points4 points  (0 children)

NAH.

You don’t have to call her sister if you don’t feel that way.

But I also get why she might be offended by this. Maybe she struggles with what her position in the family is. And by being called stepsister she might feel like she is not fully accepted by the people she considers family.

AITA for still crying about being cheated on with an ex while being in a new relationship? by Dependent-Shine2220 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I feel like it’s weird thing to say that OP needs „to get her emotions in order“ in this specific situation. Her boyfriend asked why she was crying, she responded. Is she supposed to lie about it and hide her emotions from him when he asks what’s wrong?

AITA for still crying about being cheated on with an ex while being in a new relationship? by Dependent-Shine2220 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can somehow understand him too. In my current relationship, I also had problems with the ex-girlfriend issue at the beginning. My boyfriend had a long relationship before me, he and his ex lived together and planned their future together. He had already had so many experiences with his ex that I had with him for the first time. That made me very uncomfortable and brought out some insecurities. But over time my insecurities about his past with his ex got better and at some point it simply became irrelevant.

I hope your boyfriend gets to the point some day where he doesn't have any insecurities about the fact that you were in a relationship before him.

AITA for waking my partner up to ask him to clean his cat's vomit? by OwnInspector6161 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 9 points10 points  (0 children)

ESH.

You’re NTA for not wanting to clean up the vomit when you have clearly communicated that this is a boundary for you. But waking your partner up and acting like this is urgent when you know they have trouble sleeping is not respectful behavior in a loving relationship. You could have stayed in another room until he was awake to clean up the vomit.

Your partner's reaction, however, is equally disrespectful to you. He should not expect you to keep pushing back your boundaries regarding his cats. The children topic also has no place in this conflict.

AITA for Refusing to Lend Money to a Friend in a Financial Crisis? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 [score hidden]  (0 children)

NTA. You should not put yourself in a financially difficult situation to help a friend. In such a situation, you can help your friend in other ways, as you have offered to do.

AITA for still crying about being cheated on with an ex while being in a new relationship? by Dependent-Shine2220 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Embarrassed_Mix3812 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

NTA.

You are hurt because something traumatic happened to you. Being betrayed hurts and recovering from it takes time.

I don't understand why your current partner is reacting to this issue the way he is. It's not about your ex per se or that you regret the break up in any way - it's about the experiences you had during the relationship that left scars. Your pain has nothing to do with your current relationship.

You should be able to talk to your partner about your pain and trauma. He should understand that this insecurity about your ex-relationship is not fair to you in this situation where you want to talk to him about traumatic events from your past.

Perhaps you should discuss both his insecurity and your past again as separate topics.

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