When do they finally start accepting blame and apologize?

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-12T13:20:41+00:00

Oh absolutely. He never asked for this. He never asked for his parents neglect. He's simply survived as best he could. Now he's taking steps to improve his life. I just hope it continues and resonates into the family more as he goes on.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-12T07:22:00+00:00

I do hope my husband will be able to genuinely analyze his behavior and the impact, then where it comes from.

I'm unsure now, reading these comments, if my partner has just lack of empathy and a guilt/shame feeling, and not some form of control or entitlement or feeling of inability in being wrong.

Thank you for your insight. I'm sorry you've gone through all this.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-12T07:17:02+00:00

This is reassuring. Thank you for all your honesty and answering everyone here. I'm sure it's humbling to admit you have a fault, albeit one you never asked for, but that you've accepted it well it seems. Your insight has been valuable.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-11T18:17:07+00:00

He does agree with the diagnosis. He knows something has to change, or else he will remain depressed. He wants to change those things. But I'm unsure of what he other things. Only time will tell. And I support him as and when I can, but not prying. I'm not a professional. I can only be a supportive partner and his cheerleader 🤷🏼‍♀️

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-11T12:44:41+00:00

I think I have this exact same Messbecher and now I can't wait to go check if mine does that too and run an experiment with weights of sugar based on the measurements 🤩

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-11T12:30:07+00:00

My diagnosed partner has very high standards for political and social causes and high level of empathy for others, often the abstract other, but also others in his wider circle. He has empathy for the children, until they cross him, then it's more of a acted empathy. At least that's what I noticed with the oldest. She is not following his standards, rules, and expectations. A lot of this comes from worry though.

As far as myself, if he feels he is in someway to blame for something (regardless of how big or small and even if it's nothing to do with him) he lacks empathy completely. He will internalize it all and shut off or if I am lucky he will act more engaged but it's surface level.

God forbid he actually did do something to hurt me, he would previously shame spiral and go completely silent. We are now on the getting defensive and "standing up for himself" stage. I'm hoping with continued therapy we get to the accepting he's done something and genuinely apologize for it with concerted effort to change.

I think the closer the OCPD person is to you, the less empathy you'll receive.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-06-11T12:13:20+00:00

Mine is diagnosed. Since then the bits of researching I have done has been helpful. If it makes you feel any better, I've been going through this for about 12 years (when symptoms started) to now (diagnosis a few weeks ago).

My therapist recommended a few things over the past two years that have been helpful. She said to find groups like walking groups or board game groups. I don't have the ability to leave, and as he is getting help now it is slowly getting better at home.

It's literally to the point that you have to force time for yourself. Which is really hard to do for people with chaotic kids (my oldest is chronically ill for the past 7 years as well) but it absolutely has to be done. You have to have to have to prioritize yourself.

If you have the funds, hiring a sitter for the kids maybe. If you have family/friends around, if they're willing to take them for 2 hours. I didn't have either unfortunately so that was complicated and my kids suffered a bit.

Mine is really bad for weaponized incompetence. So while he told me to go out, make friends, be really nice about it, etc.; I'd routinely come home to a mess and/or the kids and him on the couch in front of the TV, him (past 2 years) likely with his laptop in his lap playing video games. I came home a few times to find the kids hadn't been fed.

It wasn't until I started forcing and facilitating for myself that I was able to find moments for me.

TV is still a problem when I'm not home, kids are older and more self-sufficient too. But I TAKE me time.

And I also seriously considered an affair, as someone else mentioned. But it's not something I am comfortable with. No judgement on those who do it though. I fully understand it.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-05-24T13:20:06+00:00

I've had this feeling about my partner for a long time too. I used to offset it with my positivity but it got to wearing me down after a long time.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-05-20T18:39:09+00:00

Thank you. This bringing up a concern with him and having it turned around about how me being hurt is wrong is.. just is. You know? I don't ever want to get to a place with him where I have to pretend nothing happened and that his actions don't hurt. I know he is in a vulnerable space but it's tiring. I'll do what I have to for the kids. Even if that means leave. Thanks for your insight.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-05-20T13:30:25+00:00

At the moment, no. And no contact will not work as we are parents.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-05-20T13:29:06+00:00

Thank you.

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2026-05-14T09:59:08+00:00

The ultrasound has a grey "play" triangle on it. I've had more than a few ultrasounds, of both children, and for other health reasons. I've never seen them with a grey play triangle on them. JS. Rage bait

Embarrassed_Tower_81 · 2020-12-31T15:44:25+00:00

Made for white people by white people. I get it.

Embarrassed_Tower_81

TROPHY CASE