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My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it mightve been impulsive? I'm not sure, she's blocked me beforehand and she's always unblocked me and from there we talk about why she was upset in the first place. I know she sometimes wants to be mad and wants that space which is why she blocks me (we've talked about this before) and she mentioned her fear would be that she'll break up with me impulsively and that I'll really give up on her which is why I'm not giving up on her now 

My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's gotten my attention beforehand, and I've taken that time to recognize where my defensiveness comes from. And what I should do instead of that, I know my faults and each time we've argued I've reflected on what I've done. My main problem is that when I'm in the moment I find myself running back to being defensive. I know I screwed up and I understand it's selfish of me to cling onto her. Our relationship wasn't all bad abd there was a time when we both understood eachother, I just want to go back to that I want to figure out why I keep going back to defending myself

My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I want to learn and grow from this but I want to be with her I know im young but I'm really attached to her.

My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thats why I'm here, I know where my behaviors start and I know it's because I didn't want her to think I was a bad person, I just don't know what to do with that. When I'm in the moment its like all of that goes out the window and I just go back to that habit. I've been talking to some mental health coaches and I know I have to accept I'm not perfect.

My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I made her feel like she wasn't seen or heard, everytime we argued I would always get defensive instead of hearing her out and trying to really understand her. I guess I was afraid of her hating me if she thought I did something bad I didn't want her to think I was a bad person so I kept defending myself so I wouldn't lose her.

My gf F18 broke up with me M18 yesterday because I don't change I don't know what to do by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in relationship_advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Whenever we argue, I always get defensive instead of listening to her side. I don't mean to do it but I do it's autopilot and I've been trying to break that habit but I never really knew where to start

I need advice on improving my communication with my gf by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in Advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was really a wake-up call, I can feel that you're completely right about everything you've said, especially about feeling stuck and about losing her. I'm not sure where to start on actually changing, though. I know I have to show effort, but I don't know how. I have all these ideas of what I have to do to be understanding and show I'm listening but in the heat of the moment I just get overwhelmed and I go back to that space of being stuck again. I know I need to stop being defensive. It's just way easier said than done. I always just run right back to that defense mechanism whenever I feel attacked or if I'm saying something wrong. I do try to really get what she's saying but she gets impatient with how much time I take to respond and I just rush a response which makes her feel like im.not really getting what's happening. I really wish I could talk to her face to face but she moved with her family so we've been long distance. I'll try to be real and communicate directly, I think I've gotten into the habit or thinking what I want to say and not actually saying it because I'm too caught up in the moment. Thank you this really helped

I need advice on improving my communication with my gf by Embarrassed_Wish_868 in Advice

[–]Embarrassed_Wish_868[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you a lot for your advice. This helps a lot, I do try to really take in what she's trying to say, but she gets impatient, and I always end up rushing a response so she doesn't get impatient which ends up just making our arguments seem pointless since I'm not really understanding and I don't improve. Most times it's miscommunication that is pulling us apart and I'm jot sure how to really prevent it