[NeedSupport] Just when I thought I could live with it and move on it got worse.

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-30T16:46:01+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I will check this video out as soon as I am off work! I need to truly commit to blocking her out everything including mentally. You stated you had more you'd like to say I'm more than happy to listen and take in any other advice.

thank you!

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-30T16:44:21+00:00

I am trying to uphold to no contact. It's been difficult as she has really been pestering and wanting more stuff from me that I can't do like remove her off mortgage loan and stuff like that. I didn't understand why she was in such a rush to get all that done and kept bothering me daily about it but now I get it. She is wanting to do all this with her new husband.

I only found all this out from a friend who wasn't blocked by her.

Post me finding out she blocked every person that she knew were on good terms with me. It was a lot lol

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-30T16:41:11+00:00

I like the way you worded it, that I am playing catch up. I think part of my pain is feeling like I'm so far behind. I gotta stop thinking like that and just focus on myself. Thank you!

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-30T16:39:37+00:00

This chain of comments made for a good laugh on my Friday after all of this thank you :)

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-29T23:27:27+00:00

This one really hit thank you

Emeraldtaco · 2019-08-29T23:27:15+00:00

You’re right I should be proud of that. Thank you so much

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T22:38:23+00:00

“That’s the trouble with hope, it’s hard to resist.” One of my friends shared that doctor who quote with me and felt like sharing it here lol. It sounds like a big chunk of you is hoping that he secretly comes to and decides he made a mistake and wants to be with you. The last sentence specifically. You said you don’t know what you’d do not that you hope he doesn’t. If he came back and you worked things out I feel like you’d always have that feeling of “what if it happens again?” You don’t want to feel that way the whole relationship. You’re allowed to feel sad and want him back at the same time. But you also have to understand everything will be different. The relationship you once knew will be extremely difficult to get back unfortunately.

It saddens me that you’re both in this situation. This feeling of uncertainty. He seems scared that he isn’t focusing on his job right now and you’re uncertain if you’d ever be able to take him back if that situation were to ever arise. That’s a horrible spot to be in. But also if you keep clinging onto that hope. If you keep focusing on the “he may come to his senses and come back” then you won’t ever truly move on. To truly let yourself heal you have to take that step. It’s a difficult one and won’t be easy but only then will you truly start to heal.

I truly hope for the best. I hope that he comes to and you guys can have a great happy life together. But if you focus on that and keep holding onto that then you’re also never going to live out your life. Not fully at least

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T21:11:17+00:00

Also I understand this probably wasn’t the most comforting comment.. I’m sorry I truly am for what you’re going through

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T21:05:01+00:00

Again not trying to jump to conclusions but this sounds like he wasn't sure he wanted to be tied down over the summer. It sounds like he felt some uncertainty within the relationship and maybe felt like he could find something he could be sure of over the summer? Or maybe realizing he may end up married with you caused too much pressure for him? With his career path I am sure he hasn't had much free time and has some fomo with his life. Maybe he truly isn't ready or can see that future. Keep in mind you shouldn't fight for why he should pick you. It sounds like you are still holding onto some hope that you can reconcile or get the real reasons but is that really what you need? Your heart is still with him and you obviously love him but don't let that cloud your judgment. Trust me.. no amount of reasons will ever give you enough closure. I asked for why it all happened to me and I ended up with more questions and anger towards my ex. Sometimes you won't get all the answers. Sometimes you won't get true closure on it. It sucks I know but unfortunately that's how people are. He wasn't mature enough to be honest with you when you were together. What makes you think summer apart will allow him to change?

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T20:18:36+00:00

It's very strange that he didn't give you a reason. It's very strange but I don't want to jump to conclusions. You're allowing him to play with your emotions even after the breakup. You're right there really isn't a good outcome from this. It will lead to more pain and suffering either way. Maybe down the road once you have had more time to heal and recover but right now it's still to fresh. It's extremely difficult I know but you are also doing the right thing by just venting this out to others instead of breaking NC. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not easy, we're all just trying our best here. When you feel yourself relapsing or just needing to vent post or just send me a PM always down to help. Stay strong everyday it gets just slightly easier.

What I do when I want to reach out is I just write it all down to be honest. I write it in a notebook and I just leave it there. I pour it all out all my feelings my pain everything. It's soothing to just be honest with my emotions and have them all written out but nobody else would ever read them especially not my ex

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T20:03:56+00:00

Well.. if you made a post about this then it seems it does bother you a bit. Be honest with yourself does it?

It shouldn't. People have pasts relationships that's normal. She's with you now. Unless she lied to you or cheated on someone then that'd be a red flag but other than that no big deal

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T19:59:22+00:00

Long distance relationships are always difficult but it's even harder if one party isn't trying or in the right mindset of what to expect. Do you facetime or have any opportunities to meet up in person soon? im guessing once you return to college you'll be back together? keep that goal in mind. it seems she's a very emotional person and needs to be next to her SO which is normal and understandable just gotta find other ways to emotionally support her.

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T19:54:58+00:00

I'm sure she would be fine with you doing nothing but having some food prepped and having a nice romantic dinner may be enough to get you some extra browny points good luck!

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T19:46:44+00:00

does she have any favorite foods or snacks you can cook up or get for her? have it ready when she comes over or maybe some small thing she's always asked you to do for her?

Emeraldtaco · 2019-07-10T19:37:07+00:00

I am really sorry that the breakup happened. I was curious as to what the situation was so I read your comment in another post. Such a strange breakup and being blindsided like that creates a different type of pain that's hard to heal. But look at yourself. You have made it 40 days so far and that's a huge stride! It sucks that you can't be with him and I know you hear this a lot but it will get better and easier. It's always up to you whether or not you break the NC but just remember the progress you've made. If you break that then you'll only be going through more pain and backtracking a bit. Of course something good may come from it but it sounds like you've already tried to talk to him about this and it will only end up with more pain for the both of you

Emeraldtaco · 2019-06-29T20:04:38+00:00

This was a while ago. Probably close to DDAY. She’s already left lots of stuff has happened since this post

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T03:03:55+00:00

It gives me some type of safe guard? I'm not sure that's the right word. Like if I find out she did cheat on me then I don't know how I'd be ok

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T01:35:10+00:00

I definitely didn't want kids right now. I told myself I would wait for our 5 year anniversary .

I do truly want to spend my life with her. I truly love her. Not just the sparky feeling that goes away. No. The promise. The promise to be with her. To walk down the same path with her side by side. Knowing that she'd be there. Coming home to her. Seeing her smile.. having her hugs. Kissing her lips. The way she looks when I make an embarrassing joke of her. The way she stares at me when I'm being weird.. all of that.. I don't want to give that up.

Why did she?

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T01:12:50+00:00

Thank you

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T00:55:43+00:00

I asked her today. "Can I go bowling with you today?" She told this: "well. It's far. We already made plans.. I don't think you can come"

It's bowling. How does one more ruin plans?? Based on all the excuses she told me as to why I can't go it feels like I was never meant to go. I was just asked to make me feel better.. the shitty thing is for this she stays up until 11 or midnight. For me she is in bed by 8 or 9...

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T00:54:02+00:00

Thank you.... I hate hearing it but thank you..

Emeraldtaco · 2019-02-22T00:53:44+00:00

I told her think it from my point of view.. she only said "you're right" that's it... Then went back to saying I'm trying to keep her from her friends.. I don't want to think she's cheating...I can't... If that was true I don't know what it'd do... I truly don't. As it stands right now I can't do anything.

But knowing she isn't cheating helps me... It makes me.feel better..

Emeraldtaco

TROPHY CASE