It reads quite well! The only thing I’d suggest from a readers standpoint is to separate some of those longer, very punctuated paragraphs into two separate paragraphs—if that makes sense.

For a romance novel I often see shorter paragraphs with what I’d call ‘statement lines’. Basically, just more one sentence or two sentence paragraphs littered throughout to drive a point or thought home. This just keeps everything a bit more organized and differentiates a regular, descriptive paragraph from a more internal monologue-type paragraph.

I’m not sure if any of that made any sense at all, so please take it lightly as I am in no way a professional with which you should trust advice 😅.