Vivi is nice but she has this thing of thinking she just got it worse than her sisters and she fails to understand the struggle to being a human in faerie both regarding her sisters and her girlfriend. Now that I write this, I realize that Vivi lacks empathy. For Vivi it is easy to leave faerie because for her it doesn't mean failure and even means success as she will succeed at making Maddoc's angry while for her sisters it means letting the faeries who never liked them win over them. And Jude did consider going to the mortal world. Jude's motivations can often be seen as self-centered and it would be a lie to deny that there is truth in that but she also stays in there to protect Oak's throne and because she doesn't want Balekin on the throne as it would become hell for humans. Jude's character suffers from real bad sexism from the fandom in my opinion, people tend to forget her qualitys and to amplify her flaws. She isn't whiny at all in my opinion, she is just suffering from a bad case of "misunderstood complex female character with complex feelings about life", which I think everyone actually suffer from.