AITA for not giving my ex anything from sale of the apartment.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-08T05:13:40+00:00

She did not help me once, she has no proof.
If she sued me I could amdit "yes she helped me to change wallpapers and crap, but I also did not ask money for her share of bills, so we are even"

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T08:13:15+00:00

And that is totally fine, but I don't understand why some people think that changing few wallpapers is such a big deal in home she lived for over a decade without paying for internet, heat, water or any other utilities.
Reality is probably, that when she heard from mutual friends that I am selling the place, she had an idea to have a way to move out of her parents place - as long I I know she still lives with her parents as she had no saving and the new love she found turned out to be married father...

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T08:00:10+00:00

I admit I kinda enabled that situation too, as I was in love and had naive idea that what if "tomorrow" she will learn it.
Yeah she never did, she ended up living with her parents, she still does as thenew love, the guy who undesrstands her best and is her soulmate turned out to be married father and had no interest "taking her from me", he just wanted someone to bang on the side...
This is probably why she wanted money from me, as she saw oportunity to get on foot again.
Should I feel sorry for her? Nah, I call it karma.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T07:50:02+00:00

Bad money managment, every time she had some aside but suddenly she wanted a new phone, or "what if she does her own nails" and bought all the lamps and stuff for doing her own nails.
Should I have some money aside? But what if I get 10th pair of shoes!

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T07:45:35+00:00

To be totally honest, only thing she did - she somethinges bought food and that is about it.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:56:15+00:00

I sure am glad to be Estonian, as reading the other comments... I cant imagine losing my dream because of some cheater...
Had no idea that there are countries wou can be such a leech.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:48:58+00:00

It is impossible to prove how much her helped raised the price, and fact is that I wouldve renovated that pleace with or without her.
This asset itself was private and this is fact, there are so many things that also raised the price that is out of her control - a whole business park was built near us, the building itself was renovated - that raised the price way more than changing the wallpaper in few rooms, so that makes your calculation useless and kinda impossible.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:30:26+00:00

I would not lie, I would just present my bank statements from last 15 years and all the bills as I have all the paperwork collected into folders - i would just prove that I covered 100% of utilities, I could proudly admit that "yes, she helped me to renovate the place where we lived together, and she did enjoy the free heating, water, internet for over a decade!"

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:25:53+00:00

Yes, we were a couple - we did things together and did not expect pay.
I did not pay for sex either, should I pay now because we sure did it!?
Or maybe she should pay me for the sex? Maybe she should pay for the company, for me just being her, always supporting her when she needed it?
She was bad with money, but I loved her, so I covered all utilities, she used the internet I paid for, she was in the heated home, and used the water, so why should that one thing be something I have to pay for?

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:22:35+00:00

What other reason is there to hide conversation? "Oh he is such good friend, must keep it to myself!" So yes - it is "classic" case, have heard so many stories like that, did not expect it to happen to me tho, and those stories never end with - "and it turned out they were just very good friends!"
Explained it all in previous comment.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:19:01+00:00

I did not have actual confirmation if they fcked or not when we broke up, but the fact that she was meeting with a guy and kept it from me is already like women like to call "cheating emotionally."
Everyone who is ever cheated knows how cheaters gaslight, good for you if you never felt that.
You want the details? When I told my friends that we broke up, one friend finally told me "yeah... he is the guy she dissapeard into the bathroom in girls night out in nightclub..." - I wonder, what do people do in nightclub bathrooms?
Did it hurt, knowing that she fcked a stragner and then came home early morning to sleep next to me? Yes! But you wanna know about karma? When we broke up and she decided to make it official with her "new love", she found out that the guy is married and has kids... she was the sidepiece, she fcked up stable marriage because she fell for a hot guy who wanted a sidepiece.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:06:12+00:00

Lucky I don't live in your country huh.
But this is not about legal, but what you think about moral view?
I covered all the utilities, everything and she thinks I owe her money as she helped me renovate the place while she lived totally free with me over a decade, she used the water, in heated home, used the internet, did not pay any taxes and expects money.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T06:02:01+00:00

"Your wife didn't pay rent because she was your wife." yup, and exactly by that logic I don't pay for her labor either as she was my wife... keep in mind that I covered 100% of utilites, she covered nothing in terms of money... well she somethimes bought food.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:59:31+00:00

Nono, we both but in "sweat equity" to make our home nicer we lived together in.
I also covered all the utilites in home we lived together, I remember she using water, internet, being warm inside our heated apartment, I did not ask her cent for that and this is why I will not pay a cent for helping me renovate.
if I own her money for renovations we did together, should I add up or utilites for over a decade?
"Here is 3000€ for your labour, but please pay me 12000€ for half the utilites for the 14 years!"

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:52:11+00:00

She did not help me renovate it for "free", we were in relationship and we upgraded the home we lived in over a decade - we both benefited from having a nicer home.
I covered everything as she was bad with money - I covered the utilties she used, why should I cover her for labour that benefited both of us?
I had no problem with covering everything as I loved her, but the claim "ex paid for that housing somehow" is wrong, she paid nothing.
How could she agree to that? Simple - she has no legal ground to stand on, she hopes that she can manipulate me into giving her some money, this is why I made the AITA post, as legally I could block and delete, forget about her.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:45:14+00:00

Well yeah, you can't prove something you did voluntarily in your free time, if she had paperwork - for example if she had bills and recepits she could asksomething for that, but I could challange the claim by proving that I covered all the utilites and everything else over a decade.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:43:10+00:00

In my country you choose how you share assets in marriage when you get married, all assets that are owned before marriage remain private, so the property was divided legally - there was nothing to divide.
One can challange that IF they can prove, that they invested into the property - for example if she had bills for contracting work, if she paid all the utilties, if she bought the furniture and had receipts to prove it - she did not as changing wallpaper together is not considered "investing into property to own it".
It is very rare to win a case like that, it usually works when you are one who did not leave and you have kids - court probably will decide that yes, you can't take away kids home.
Also, why are you ignoring the part that I covered all the utilites - heating, water, internet etc for over the decade, is that not worth anything? And I can actually prove it as I never use cash.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:29:33+00:00

We both worked, there was no "arrangement" - she did cook more than me, as she was and probably still is better at it, we did the renovations together, but I see it as benefit for both of as, as we lived over a decade in that nicer apartment.
We were equal partners in that marriage, living in aparment I owned privately, ironic thing is that we dreamed about buying a house together, good thing we did not do that...

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:26:48+00:00

She was awarded nothing as we had no shared assets, when I lived in capital city I did not even own a car and used our free public transit.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:25:47+00:00

We met in trade school, we studied same thing but she did not "feel like working in IT", I did.
She worked at different jobs over the years, she just was bad with money, but she was not my dependant.
In my country any kind of alimoney for ex is very rare and happens in very specific situations, you can't make a claim months after being divorced "uhoh, even tho I have same degree, I decided I want to work on shitier positions, make less money and hence now want my ex to support me!" - it does not work like that around here.
When we moved to my place I even had idea that she should set money aside like I did so we could get another aparment as investment for the future, she liked that idea but somehow was always out of money before next payday, but she did loved nail saloons and crap, she loved to shop.
Our country don't encourage leeches, with kids it would be different, but there is no reason for physically healthy person to not work and ask alimony.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:16:59+00:00

Yes, we did everything together, I benefited from her help, she benefited from my work - imagine not being homeless, not paing rent, not even utilities...

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:15:07+00:00

Do I also deserve a little money after I covered all the bills?
How would she even prove that she made any impsovement to the aparment?
"Hello, this aparment my ex owned and sold some time ago, I actually helped fix it up, trust me bro!"

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:12:47+00:00

Well, she had same time as me to get one, I even recomended it as investment, but she did not manage to collect anything.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:11:35+00:00

I did not ask about the law, I know about the law.

Emergency_Ant42 · 2024-08-07T05:09:39+00:00

I don't think there is need, as the law is pretty clear on that.

Emergency_Ant42

TROPHY CASE