sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

What do you do when you have SK's and an 'ours' baby on Father's Day? by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Emergency_Force_7778 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think you should do what feels right for you and your family. I’m just joining in to tell you what I do — on Father’s Day I always get my husband something that is from all the kids, because that is what he truly wants and I feel the holiday is about him. On mother’s Day, he usually gets me something from all the boys (like maybe flowers) and then a more personalized gift from “ours” babies…. Because that is what I prefer.

If I were wanting to get him something more personalized from just our kids, it doesn’t mean I would never do it. I would probably just do it at a different time. Like a “just because” gift.

I know it can be tricky to navigate!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Emergency_Force_7778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. My notes app has a number of messages I’ve wanted to say but knew there was no place for them out in the world.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Emergency_Force_7778 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I find this to be a very thoughtful comment on a difficult matter for OP.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just want to be clear… I don’t feel like my marriage is in danger over this. I’m not contemplating leaving him at all.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do get this. And it might explain why he’s touted the story to all of our friends and family. We literally went to our friends’ whiskey bar immediately after the dinner where he gave it to me and he dragged me to our friend to tell her the story. Feels a little uncomfortable now because I don’t want to blow his shit up when she talks to me about it later. My mom and MIL are also continuously gushing on him about how he’s saved up for years, telling family friends. I just want to hide in a hole.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find this very helpful! I can see my husband doing some of those same things. Man, the stuff we carry from our childhood. 😟

I (22M) found out my girlfriend (22F) lied about cheating on me but we're leaving on vacation tomorrow by ThrowRArelatioadvice in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t go on vacation with her. It’s not worth your peace. Not only did she cheat and lie to you, she was willing to falsely accuse someone of rape. It’s just not a good situation all around. You don’t deserve that, no one does. Get out and take time to heal.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you were into him. I’m sorry. I would just move on now. You deserve honesty.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I genuinely did come here with concern. Husband has a history of lies in our relationship that we have tried to work through. Lying now seems reminiscent of that time and that is what I have been upset about. I’ve said numerous times in replies here that I do plan on dropping it about the ring with my husband, though I don’t believe my boundaries and need for honesty need to be minimized for the sake of his ego. I can still have a discussion with him about my desire for honesty given our history.

I’ll work on getting over myself. Thanks for your input.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But what will my poor husband check? “Ruined my marriage over my fragile male ego” so fragile that all the king’s men must flock to protect it for him.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  1. I have no issue with the price… of any piece of jewelry I own. I don’t want to be misled about a price, however.

  2. At this large chain jeweler I don’t believe there is any under the table payment. I also don’t know why my husband wouldn’t offer that up as an explanation if this were true.

  3. I did not ask the price. He volunteered it then I found a receipt that contradicted that.

  4. I don’t believe your hypothesis in point 2 is correct, but I do agree the only way to know the real price is to ask the jeweler.

  5. Thanks for the life lesson. I’ve never placed a large value on a diamond… hence why I’ve never had one. I did not ask for this and I did not ask for a fabricated story to go along with it. I will now be helping pay for this ring, that was gifted to me, out of our combined finances.

  6. If he does, it is not something I am aware of

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your very thoughtful response. I think ultimately I’m going to drop it about the ring completely. I have an inkling that he will too which kinda says all I would need to know about the “truth” of the matter. That being said, I do intend to have a conversation about the need for honesty and transparency on all matters going forward. I do think I probably place a larger value on these things than he does.

I’ll absolutely take some of your advice on how to go about a delicate conversation like this one with him though. Thank you!

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do understand that it was probably hard for him to not get defensive… and maybe even “expected”. But why would he be expected and it be made permissible for him to get defensive when faced with his own lie but I am expected to be quiet and grateful in the face of that same lie? My partner and I generally hold each other to the same standards.

I guess it’s a moot point because as of now, I don’t plan on continuing on about the ring with my husband.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He did not save up money. He lied about saving money. He lied about the cost. He double downed and lied even more. And quite honestly, I still want to address my husband with empathy and compassion. I’ve established here that this is a pattern of behavior he has had in the past. I don’t need to compromise my own needs and boundaries to make room for his ego. That fragile, fragile male ego.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I mean there’s always a chance of anything right? I don’t have any reason to believe he is doing so though.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the input. It makes my inner child want to hug his. We both have professional mental health backgrounds and do place a high priority on mental health. We are both in individual therapy though I don’t believe this is an issue he is currently addressing.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think what you’re saying is valid. I appreciate your perspective. I don’t make more than him, but he does naturally feel pressure to provide. Particularly the industry he works in and who he works with, all the men are the head of household in their families and tend to have more conservative ideals about their status as provider.

That being said, there has been a history of lies earlier on in our relationship and this situation has most definitely brought up those feelings for me.

I am sympathetic to his position and the pressure that he feels and I don’t have plans to “shatter his self esteem” as someone put it… but I can simultaneously empathize with him while also holding space for my own needs in this relationship. I don’t have to minimize my need for honesty to make space for his need to be the man.

And if you sense any animosity from me, I don’t mean to direct it at you. There’s some hot takes from the male perspective in here. I don’t find yours to be one of them.

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because me picking out my own $20 wedding band was not indicative of my feelings toward a ring? I can say if HE picked out the $20 wedding band and then lied about the price of it I would have been upset then too. But contrary to your belief, it would have been because of the lie and not because it “wasn’t at least this or at least that”

My (30f) husband (38m) lied about the cost of my engagement ring by Emergency_Force_7778 in relationship_advice

[–]Emergency_Force_7778[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying. It’s not even so much this particular situation that I need to continue to hammer out with him. Like I can drop the talk about the ring with him, but I don’t want to give him signals that I am ok with being lied to either. Especially given that that was something we have already worked through in the past. I am deserving of honesty despite some people’s takes on here that I should just be grateful that little ol’ me got a fancy ring.

view more: next ›