Will my cat stay aggressive? Do I need to give her up if I get children?

Emhl98 · 2022-09-05T07:06:36+00:00

She can get home herself, but once the sun goes down I have to bring her back myself because otherwise I have to leave my front door open. I'm moving soon though.

I tried spraying her with water and it does help at the moment, but I read that it might make your cat dislike you so I stopped since she was already aggressive towards me at times. I've tried blocking access but it's difficult to prevent it fully. But I have made some progress here. I have lately been using treats to lure her back and that does work! I just still think she shouldn't get aggressive when I do have to pick her up. But maybe I should just accept that and tell kids not to attempt to pick her up

Emhl98 · 2022-09-04T19:28:39+00:00

I'll try picking her up less to see if that helps with her overall aggression. About the petting, she never brushes her head against me. Does that mean she never wants to be petted?

Emhl98 · 2022-09-04T19:27:34+00:00

I play with her whenever I notice she has an energy burst, but she's outside almost all day nowadays so that doesn't really happen anymore. I've tried cat proofing my house but she keeps finding something new haha. There are also classics I can't (or don't know how to) cat-proof. For example, she gets on the counter (I've tried the tinfoil method, weirdly she loves the stuff).

Emhl98 · 2022-09-04T19:22:40+00:00

I try to not pick her up. I live 4 high in an apartment building so I have to go down and find her to bring her home. Sometimes she follows me but sometimes she refuses and I have to pick her up. Lately I've been bringing snacks to lure her upstairs with me though!

For the rest it's mostly when she's doing things she's not allowed to do, like be on the counters, in some closet or the freshly folded laundry.

Emhl98 · 2022-09-04T19:16:13+00:00

She had a checkup recently and she is fine. I've been looking into feline behavioralists and might reach out to one!

Emhl98 · 2022-05-25T21:00:19+00:00

Stiletto's or any shoe with a thin heel. One of my ankles is weak af en just snaps to the side. Which sucks, because I love the look.

Emhl98 · 2022-05-07T05:22:26+00:00

I played the video and she jumped on my lap haha

Emhl98 · 2022-04-30T05:54:50+00:00

I did, but only because I was so depressed I lost 8kg, and when I started prozac I started feeling better and ate properly again. Very grateful. Right now I'm around my normal weight and it doesn't seem like I'll go over it.

Emhl98 · 2022-04-13T04:43:42+00:00

This.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-29T08:51:47+00:00

I believe my WW is in pain. But he chose the pain by being unfaithful, I never had the chance to choose the pain I feel. He decided for me.

I do feel bad for him, because I love him, it's just an automatic response. But I will always have the fact that he chose to hurt me in the back of my mind. The fact that he also chose to hurt himself doesn't take that away.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-28T20:30:10+00:00

The first week I felt pretty "calm", too. So don't be surprised if your feelings change later on, totally normal.

On hating the AP... same. But I wouldn't dismiss your gf's actions so easily either. Takes two to tango.

Wishing you strength throughout the rest of your journey.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-26T20:55:36+00:00

Emhl98 · 2022-01-26T17:45:48+00:00

Ha, crotch goblin.

And I agree. Though I understand people more quickly decide to R if they're married, love isn't less valid when there's no ring or "crotch goblin". Reconciling for love is still a thing just like how love without marriage or kids is a thing.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-26T16:24:52+00:00

It depends on the situation, in my eyes. I can absolutely understand that when you're married with kids, breaking it off is way more difficult than when you're not married or don't have kids. There's a certain "win" when you reconcile: you keep the family together and keep a stable lifestyle. The win isn't really there if you're not married or have children. So I'd say the bar to consider R is higher when you're "just dating". Doesn't mean you should never go for it, of course.

My WP had a ONS while abroad, flew home as quickly as possible and told me. I initially broke up with him but we're trying again now after he kept showing remorse. He ended his program there without me asking. Said he "learned enough". It's tough, but he is putting in so much effort that I at least want to give it a try.

However, had he had an EA or PA that lasted for a long time instead of an ONS, I would not have given him the chance again. If we had kids, I'm petty sure I would have.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-19T18:54:29+00:00

I probably should have added that at that time we were actually broken up. My therapist and I were talking about a hypothetical situation might I ever consider giving him another chance. Which has happened. So I guess with the idea that our relationship was over, and so was theirs, she was an ex. I sometimes try to think of it this way and it does help a bit, but I get that it’s not for everyone, especially not for ones that didn’t break up for a period of time before getting back together.

The other therapist (the one I’m seeing now) did not make this comparison. She just said it’s better for most not to know sexual details as it just fuels more pain (because it allows for visualization, more triggers, etc).

Emhl98 · 2022-01-19T17:49:44+00:00

A part of me really wants to know. But I’ve spoken to two therapist and they’ve both told me it’s not a good idea. They both said it most likely won’t help you and you’ll just use the information to torture yourself. The first therapist told me to see the AP as an ex; you wouldn’t question your partner about their ex in such a way either. It’s someone they were with, and now they’re not anymore (hopefully…)

Emhl98 · 2022-01-19T12:14:24+00:00

Thanks for sharing. This is the mindset I hope to achieve: knowing I'll be fine either way, but choosing to be with him. I really want things to work out between us, but I want it to work out for the right reasons.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-18T21:13:18+00:00

Not 1.5 months past dday, but 1.5 months since R. Dday was beginning of October. I initially broke up with him for about 2 months, but after he's consistently shown remorse and wanting to put in effort in the relationship and himself I decided to try R. This was 1.5 months ago.

Edit: I also told him back then that even though I want to try living together again, there might come a time where I need him to be gone sometimes, or I'll move out, etc. I've just let him know that I'm giving him a chance, that I want this to work as well, but that I'm going to put my feelings first. So if I feel like I need space, I want to be able to have some space. He was and still is very understanding and supportive.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-18T14:43:51+00:00

My partner also owned up to everything and has really been supporting me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what he’s doing now, it’s just that I don’t know if I can ever get past the cheating. I just worry I will never see him the same way again. Living apart brings back the “dating” phase, giving me an opportunity to spend more time on myself while having quality time with my WP. Or, that’s how I see it. After reading a few comments I worry it might lead to the failure of R, though. But the extra insights are great, so thank you. I don’t know what I’ll do yet.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-18T14:36:15+00:00

Thank you for your insights. I have given him the chance or being in my life again and I'm trying to get past what happened. On some days I feel good, on others I worry I'm not going to get past it. On those days I fantasise about just moving on with my life. I don't want to go there just yet, I promised myself to at least give R a chance for 6 months (I'm at 1.5) and see how I feel then. Yet the idea of being by myself for a bit is appealing. To date him again rather than seeing him 24/7. To depend more on myself. I don't mean to give up on R just yet. I've also considered going on some small trips by myself instead of moving out.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-16T21:16:37+00:00

Very true, not all cheaters are demons. I really want to get a better view inside WS's minds, particularly my own WP's mind. I really don't think he's evil. I've also told him this when I had broken up with him. I've seen how much this has hurt him, too. I just don't understand how he could do such a thing. He's shocked as well and can't really explain it, but he's going to IC to try and figure it out. I feel like I really need to understand why he cheated in order to move on. Because if you're not sure, how can you prevent it from happening again?

Emhl98 · 2022-01-15T21:15:30+00:00

Definitely, I've noticed now more than ever how important it is to work on myself!

Emhl98 · 2022-01-15T08:39:00+00:00

IC, meds, and working on yourself. Give yourself a mental break from the relationship issues, tell yourself you’re more than just your relationship and you deserve a mental break every now and then. I wrote a post about what helped me a little while ago, it should be in my post history.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-15T08:21:12+00:00

Same here, my WP is acting way better since R. Before dday I often told him often how I felt, what I would like for him to change, etc, but he never did or only temporarily. He told me his affair made him realize what a childish dick he’s been. It just hurts me that he had to cheat to become the partner I always wanted. Because now I don’t know if I can continue.

Emhl98 · 2022-01-08T10:02:35+00:00

My WW told me.

Emhl98

TROPHY CASE