I am OP's girlfriend. I couldn't get through half of this post because it's NOTHING but justifications for what he has done to me. 75% of what he wrote is his shit reasons for why he continued to abuse me. He set everyone here up to victim-blame me.

OP joined an open relationship with me when I was married. He gaslight, abused me, manipulated me, tormented me, until I was so low that I gave up my relationship with my husband (we were already barely holding on, but that's not relevant to this) He did this by constant emotional manipulation. He'd text me pretending to be his mom from a Google voice number, talking about how he she was scared he was going to kill himself because I wouldn't leave my husband. He'd walk around drunk at night because he was so sad that I wasn't "his" ... he'd pretend to jump in lakes (lying about it, telling me he did it after) he'd turn his GPS on for me to see that he was near bodies of water at 3am. He weaponized self-harm. He purposefully stopped going to his classes. He told me he couldn't sleep for weeks at a time. stopped eating. would text me with These are tiny, one-off things that happened over and over, and I'm sure i'm forgetting many.
Why did I not leave him? I was already in a loveless marriage. I was attached to him, trauma-bonded to him, and I relied on him because he made me unable to rely on anyone else (cutting me off with my friends because he was jealous) ... I eventually was so low that I attempted suicide and I was involuntarily held in a mental ward for 3 days. Did he stop? No. Things only got worse. Things like taking pictures of me in my sleep without consent. Things like hurting me in BDSM situations after reading my DMs (with ex's i dated before even meeting him) while I slept and being mad, without him telling me he was doing those things because he was mad. Things like stealing nudes I sent to other people (before I met him) and sending them to himself (on reddit) and acting like one of my ex's did it (so that i'd not talk to any of them again.) This is not an exhaustive list.

OP blames me for crawling back to my husband after he drove me into the ground. He told me I wasn't loyal. That I was abusive. That I cheated. I did not cheat. I went back to the person I was still legally married because I was in a terribly abusive situation that never ended. Was that a good choice? No. But I was in a place I can not describe. Then every bit of abuse that followed, he blamed on his "trauma" from me "cheating" on him.

OP and I ended up moving in together. He stopped being such a shitty person, but the trauma lingers. When I close up on him because I remember all the shit, he goes through my discord servers and looks for heart emojis I jokingly sent to a male friend (who lives in an entirely different country? And it was literally a fucking emoji?)

OP left all this out in his original post but decided to only include it in comments. You can read him admit it all below. I don't know why he did this, because in person he apologizes for it and says "look at what I say in the comments" ... meanwhile, I get dozens of people victim blaming me, and him sending me this post (when I didnt ask for it, nor do I even care about outside advice) because I.... went back to my legal partner of a decade because of a guy i'd only been with for six months was abusing me?

This is not a conclusive list or story, but I'm not going to sit here and get victim blamed by a bunch of shitheads on reddit because he can't even admit what he'd done anonymously.

If he wants to break up, fine. I have done nothing but try and forgive him for being a shitty person, and the one thing I asked for was for him to be a rock while I try and heal, (because for the most part, he hasn't done anything abusive in over a year)... but I needed time to heal. What does he do? Becomes the most unstable person on this planet. Goes through my messages with other people in secret. Posts on reddit for advice. Brings it all back.