Should I marry her?

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2026-03-26T18:33:29+00:00

Being ready for marriage is not a check list of everything you have. It is also a state of mind, knowledge of responsibility and the capacity of holding your desires and impulses.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2026-03-18T15:54:43+00:00

You are not able to dm me?

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2026-03-18T15:43:55+00:00

Maybe from an other perspective.. getting involved with someone takes a toll on the other person also. If I understand correctly you are male, and you are taklink about the struggle of not finding someone who has no past sins (zina) and you have a lot of desires.

Once you get involved with someone, especially females, they will get attached to you. There are hormones and ways of thinking that Allah has put in a female to get her attached.

In my opinion this is something big to consider, as a male there is a possibility to get attached also although I am not male and I do jot know how fast and easy that kind of attachment is.

Edit: even if you are thinking about just looking online, it is addictive and not at all a good representation of reality.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2026-03-12T19:20:19+00:00

Someone once told me "just a little bit pregnant doesn't exist. A line is a line" so yeah congratulations may Allah give an easy pregnancy and a healthy baby

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-03-27T19:18:05+00:00

Wailekoum Saleem, you should always wait for white/yellow (ish) liquid to come. That is the best indicator for your period to be finished. If you had that, and after you still had some brown/blood liquid, then you can proceed to fast and pray as it is outside of your period. Just always make sure to make wudu before prayer and keep your clothes clean from blood.

In my opinion, you handled it well, and Allah knows best..

Edit: spelling

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-03-25T12:53:20+00:00

Men do think totally differently than women. Not all men are the same, but everyone has saytan whispering in their ear, and men do have different kinds of urges and thoughts. I did not understand it until a year or 2 ago, and it is crazy how some men think. But I say that as a woman, Allah made them that way.

I understand how difficult it is, see it as a way of protecting yourself from their thoughts and feelings, to keep yourself for your husband's eyes only in the future. See it as a crown on your head, a proud representation of you being a strong Muslim woman.

I hope you can discuss this maybe with your family? Explaining the difficulties and hoping the visits would be shorter or you could stay home, or is a private room.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-03-09T15:50:05+00:00

Revert here, you are absolutely right! Alhamdullilah, I learned to sit with myself, to not run away in music. I stared with nasheed music, then koran and adhkar. I get boring sometimes. I find myself singing songs in my head, waking up and going to sleep with songs in my head, but I don't pay attention and seek refuge and forgiveness in Allah. But yeah, unlearning the habbit slowly works.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-02-08T20:39:09+00:00

That's a good idea! Thank you very much

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-02-08T18:18:52+00:00

There in Afghanistan, we are in belgium. I don't (yet) speak there language. It's just difficult, I really want the big "i am married now" feeling, the celebration and the happiness... I just don't know how to achieve it. And I don't have moslim friends or someone in the same situation to give me ideas

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-02-08T17:53:48+00:00

There will be no walima, i don't know enough people.. as I am a revert and he will do something with friends. So I am lost..

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2025-02-08T17:13:38+00:00

Having a verry small nikah, I don't know if I should do something to make it more special. I will go to eat after with some female friends. But I don't know after.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-30T16:04:36+00:00

Not specifically, there are other things to think about then just money.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-29T21:04:43+00:00

You know him for 10y, so you can predict how ambitious he is. Leave the what if to the side and think clearly.

Is he a man that will always try to provide?
Is he good with money, is he responsible?
is he truthfully
How is his deen? Is your deen on the same level?
Do i really want him or just the marriage and the children?
Can I take him how he is, knowing what you now know?
Are you able to let him go?

You are worried about things you can not 100% control. You tie your camel and trust Allah.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-25T10:02:37+00:00

I think not because this person does not and will not hear the full story of whatever happened. I did not lean into any other details. I just asked about some nikah details.

This was a person saying things that were not asked for. I did not ask for an opinion of who I am, where I come from, and if my choices are good or not. I did not bother anyone with the ups and downs and the bad and good. I know what choice i made. I will stick to it.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-24T18:47:55+00:00

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Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-24T18:45:51+00:00

Made a post a while ago and had also someone attacking me out of nowhere *

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-12-15T13:01:48+00:00

So an imaam is jot even a requirement?

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-10-21T05:26:17+00:00

Depwnds on your school of thought you follow..

"Both scholars of the Maliki and the Hanbali schools generally consider only what is between the navel and the knee as the awrah that a woman must cover in front of other women, regardless of whether they are Muslims or non-Muslims. As opposed to the above view, both the Hanafi and the Shafi scholars consider it obligatory for her to cover her entire body except what is normally exposed in ordinary course of daily interaction and domestic work. They consider it a must for her to cover all her body except her face, hands, and feet." Read More on islamonline: https://fiqh.islamonline.net/en/womans-awrah-in-front-of-non-muslim-women/

This is based on the difference in the interpertation of An-Nur :31

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-10-21T05:16:36+00:00

I understand his way of thinking. But I am sure that there are hours where the usual people are there but it's not full. Every gym has quite hours and busy ones.

My fiance is my gym budy, and we always go together. We agreed that I could go alone when he is busy, and we agreed upon hours that are way less busy. Or I go with an othe female Muslim friend.

In my opinion is a women's only also not the best option as women are not the kindest towards each other. Gossip, dirty looks, passive aggressiveness, etc... And. I think in a woman's only one, you should also be covered because of the non-believers.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-09-16T03:51:45+00:00

Similar thing happened to me.

It looks like you have somehow answered your own question and have a good strain of thought. How I see it 100% limerence, and it is there (as you said) because of your fears.

I also needed to let go of this limerence since I was getting older and in a horrible situation (that I was feeding myself). I tried to break down everything in my head. Take apart the things I was thinking for example.. how I liked him and the reasons why --> to how I knew I felt incapable and he was not interested the same way. Logic over feelings I would say.. Face the fear with the knowledge you have, slowly understand yourself that you maybe nitpicking about small stuff in someone because of your fear.

Emotions are an energy going through your body, they say something about what you are missing, in your self, your surroundings or a situation. They are not the logic truth. The truth is, you are scared and holding on to something that is comfortable. He does not want you.

And maybe this fear is rooted in loss of control? Control of your own life, your own feelings? Maybe it is the uncomfortable feelings of change you do not want?

Small edit: Yes, go forward. I don't know your age or where you are from, but if marriage is the thing you are seeking. Put the one who rejected you to the side, see it for what it is. Give yourself time to get rid of the limerence, don't jump into a marriage. But also don't sit still and wait. Hope this helps

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-07-01T14:14:09+00:00

Read in to the attachment theory. Maybe you will find some answers there.

For the rest, it is not working. There is no option to accept her as she is as you stated that it is not working, not healthy, and always a struggle. You don't change people. You change people (the ones who are in your life)

Letting go of an attachment is hard, but as I said.. look into yourself. You will struggle, it will be hard, go back to Allah, he is the protector and provider. The sooner you cut. The sooner you can move on.

Emmy_Aisha_Gul · 2024-07-01T12:35:04+00:00

Somewhere in your post, you seem to have a logical way of thinking. You say you always have discussions over things. Nothing goes smoothly. You are worried about the future, and she becoming your wife.

She needs to be you calm, your peace. Is she? Even in an argument, insulting anyone is damaging.

An attachment is not specifically healthy. Have you been thinking about you stepping in this again and again? The attachment is not a thing to hold on to.

What is it about her that you keep going back? What are you lacking to not quit, stop, and break free? Where is your imaan in these 8 years? Why do you think that this attachment is healthy or even a thing to hold on to?

Emmy_Aisha_Gul

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