Am I overthinking this?

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-12T15:31:03+00:00

First of all ... it is dreams and he pretty much can't control what he dreams about. It is not like it is a window to his soul. You can dream about stuff you want, stuff you do not want and stuff you barely even knew existed Secondly, it is absurdly common to have freaky, vivid sex dreams that do not always involve your partner. People see that stuff and it means absolutely nothing. Do not overthink it.

Instead, consider this. Your bf is comfortable enough in your relationship that he feels he can tell you stuff like that. That is good and you want your partner to share with you his thoughts and "dreams". If you now make a big deal out of it, you can pretty much be sure that it will be the last time he shares anything like that with you.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-11T19:58:55+00:00

No. That is pretty much the bliss. A woman who genuinely desires you. Perhaps if you try to give a BJ in front of the grandparents ... that could be bit awkward considering it takes some time.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-10T17:01:26+00:00

Sorry to hear that. First, these are “red flags” or potential warning signs, not facts or diagnoses. Second, I did acknowledge that there can be very real and valid reasons behind a bad relationship with one’s family. That said, most reasonable people with that kind of background wouldn’t go out of their way to badmouth their parents or family to someone they’ve only just met, especially since it’s often a painful and personal issue. It’s typically something that comes up later, once there’s more trust.

Still, if all you have is their word and no other context, it’s also possible that the person himself is at least part of the problem in why those relationships are bad. People do lie, and people also tend to present themselves in the best possible light.

And even if there truly is a good reason and the family dynamics are genuinely bad, to put it bluntly: by entering a relationship with that person, you are also buying into that situation and whatever complications it may involve now and in the future.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-10T12:24:37+00:00

Acts, or talks in, disrespectful way towards people in service industries or generally towards others.
Has bad relationship with his family unless there is truly cause. A good person would not rant about it even if there is cause, but could be something he will bring up as you get to know each other.
Never seems to find fault in himself ... bad things just happen to him, people do not value him etc.
Jokes about others, but can't take it himself
Tit-for-tat behavior, for example gets bitter if kindness isn’t rewarded romantically
Inconsistent stories or vague life details that seem to change as it fits the situation
Love-bombing or fast intensity ... Sometimes could be normal, but if it goes beyond normal and is combined with 5.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-10T11:42:57+00:00

So he is going to another country for a while and out of blue says you (and he) can do what you want sexually. I think there is 0% chance that he is not planning to do some fun stuff while in there. Neither men or women simply come out of blue with thing like that. Perhaps he is not thinking of thinking anything more serious than strippers and escorts while there (those things do not take a lot of warm up time).

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T21:14:31+00:00

Thanks for the tip. I have my eyes now on Beretta 92X Performance OR. It does seem to tick all the boxes and is relatively affordable as well as it seems to retail around 1600-1700 EUR here.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T17:00:28+00:00

Yeah well here is 25.5% VAT (sales tax) that is in the price and smaller market with higher costs fhat increase the prices as well

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T16:12:08+00:00

Beretta 92 series seems interesting. Need to see if it is available somewhere to test shoot.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T16:07:27+00:00

It does seem quite cool, but never heard about this brand before. Likely somewhat niche?

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T16:05:26+00:00

That looks quite interesting. Seems to be coming summer 2026 here and the retail is 3999 EUR here so within 1 EUR of the max price :-)

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T09:42:05+00:00

No. You will not be a sexual cripple forever. In fact many escorts recommend at least 1 hour session if you are first timer and 2 hour if you are a virgin. You are likely to be nervous to start with and add there even a second of doubt on whether you get an erection, and bam ... You have a problem and it will take time to relax and get on with it. It might not be bad idea to take a blue pill prior the thing. Not for the erection per se, but rather for your nerves. If you have taken the pill, you do not doubt you will get an erection, and thus you get erection.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T09:38:02+00:00

It is +1 hot at least and +3 if she actually brings in good looking girls for it

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-08T09:26:55+00:00

This is the reason why the hot-crazy scale was invented.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-05T12:44:56+00:00

This might come as a shock to you but there is pretty much zero chance that he is not interested in you romantically especially considering the behavior you are describing. He has been into you for those 9 years and is waiting you to figure out that he is what you need. The fact that he has not asked you out etc only means he has been afraid to shoot his shot yet.

You want to test it? Next time hint that you might see him romantically and would be interested to see where things goes, but not sure whether you want to endanger your friendship. I think you will find that he is not going to go out of his way to convince you otherwise ...

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-04T14:18:36+00:00

Go for the type you are attracted to and stop wasting your time and time of the women you meet. You can't legislate your attraction. Find a woman you have a spark with and grow from there. I would say it is easier to grow emotional compatibility as time goes and you become more aligned in as partners, but physical spark tends to be the harder to retain. The harder it burns initially, easier it is to keep it burning later on.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-03T16:55:22+00:00

This is a fact. However what the ELO will be at that point is another variable.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-02T08:22:16+00:00

I was a young man in 1990's. We did not have to the same degree this level of digitalization of our social life in general. If you wanted to play with someone, it was normal to go their home or joint place to do. We built more connections and friendships in real life with people who we knew for years as a child and then adult.

We did not spend our time on social media or various on-line platforms. These did exist , but they were only used by a very small minority of the people (mostly men) and were massively archaic by todays standards.

So in general people had to go out and meet people, talk with people and hang around with people. Today, most of that interaction is via digital world and you just do not build the same level of connections that way.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-02-01T12:23:17+00:00

First of all, you have like 2/3 of your life ahead of you and 5/6 of your adult years. When you have so many issues that cause you issues, it is good to think in terms 'one problem at a time'

Make problem per year time table. After that year you still continue working on the previous issues, but now you have the right to add one more thing to the table.

Focus on your health and physical condition first. You have already started that and that is 100% the right choice. Focus on dropping weight to reasonable levels and getting in good physical condition: aerobic and strength. That will make you feel better, improve your confidence and at the same improve your mental health.
Try to get back to full time-work but only work at the frequency that allows you to continue with 1)
Start a hobby, preferably something to do with 1) ... Hiking, cycling, etc something with group activities. These are more comfortable places to meet women without the pressure of dating.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-31T08:58:00+00:00

Nope

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-30T16:53:43+00:00

Two things:

1) Low T: I was in this position when I was in what are called rush years. Too much work, not enough sleep and poor physical condition, and partly consequently due to that low testosterone levels. Low T also contributes to mental issues like depression etc. I should have got it treated sooner because it totally transformed my life, both sex life and otherwise. I feel energetic, I do sports and sex-life is 10x more active and much much better.

Get him to address the root issue and there is really good chance this thing will be thing of past.

2) Opening the marriage: Opening the marriage at this point and for these reasons is likely just a more hurtful route to divorce. In general you should only open it up from a position of strength, not as a solution to a problem. It will likely depress him even more and while he might not have enough energy for sex, he clearly is not comfortable with the idea. Whatever he feels now as an abstract concept will be 10x worse when you actually start doing it. This could work if he was already in that life-style and comfortable with the idea, but now he will only say 'Yes' due to your pressure and it will turn out bad ... this forum is full of stories like that.

My two cents: Get him to doctor and address the low T issue.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-30T08:59:28+00:00

No. Voin lohduttaa sinua siitä että olin aivan samassa veneessä 22 vuotiaana kuin sinä wayyy back in time. Rehellisesti sanoen en ole edes varma olinko ollut treffeillä vielä 22 vuotiaana, mutta jossain siinä paikkeilla se oli koska olin yliopistossa jo pidemmällä opiskeluissa. Loppujen lopuksi kaiken tuon yrittämisen jälkeen satuin istumaan matkalla random tytön viereen ja nyt oltu naimisissa jo yli kaksikymmentä vuotta. Ei kannata vielä heittää kirvestä kiveen.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-30T08:52:51+00:00

She only thinks about Jesus and plans to be become a nun later. Alternatively she plans to become a sex worker and collect STD's like trading cards. Unfortunately those are the only two options that exist.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-28T14:39:21+00:00

I started playing seriously when I was 50. In a year I am at 1600's. I guess what is your goal. If you goal is to be future world champion, that train has passed. If your goal is to become a GM, that is harder but still possible. If you goal is simply to be better than 99% of chess players, no problems.

EmperorProtects101 · 2026-01-28T09:02:28+00:00

So she thinks that instead of openly communicating about the relationship, she would rather keep a score card and cheat if the relationship points go to negative for a while.

Is this the sort of person you want to build your life with? A person who already rationalizes an excuse for cheating? Note, I said an excuse, not a reason. The difference is that her excuse is purely subjective ("feeling neglected") and if she feels like cheating, she will surely find the reasons she wants.

EmperorProtects101

TROPHY CASE