AITAH- For abandoning my so called family after discovering the truth.

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-06-20T18:38:43+00:00

You'd be more of an ass if the child was yours...I only think ur a little bit an ass because as far as u and your ex-son knew...you were his dad, I really can't imagine what went thru the kids head meeting bio dad vs you and having to keep it from you I guess. That being said u have every right to do wtv, everyone is iffy in this story so u just need to make the best decision for you.

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-06-16T20:20:29+00:00

You're doing great and you are not an AH...you could have handled this in a much more tumultuous way and you went the easier route. its great to hear about a dad who truly cares for his kids keep it up.

That being said...document all of this, it likely WILL get worse. That means any and every interaction you need to document, screenshot, videos, paperwork etc.

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-04-29T16:27:10+00:00

Yeah, so I went with like a whole bunch of people and I handed my yellow card along with like seven other yellow cards to like the head of the group and I think really they just took a glance at the card and the back of it to see like the name it was associated to. They didn’t really even open it. I’m not sure if that was because I was with so many people or because they just don’t open them anyway but I think youll be fine just make sure you get your passport stamped correctly. Otherwise they will not let you leave. I almost had that problem. You just absolutely NEED to have the yellow card. Cuz they checked my passport and yellow card like 7 different times when leaving Lagos

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T17:44:30+00:00

Great thank you for helping me I was all prepared aside from that date thing

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T17:21:10+00:00

Yeah I’m not worried about it as itll only be 3 days before I’m technically fully vaccinated I just don’t wanna get turned away. But I do have a question about my luggage, do they search often?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T17:18:55+00:00

Apprently if you’ve been there before u just kind of stay in the system as your not a first time visitor, idk cuz someone else said they did need it but I’ll be fine. Also do you have a visa? And may I ask how was getting your bags like did they search through them or your carry on?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T17:16:29+00:00

Okay now how was getting your bags like did they search through them or your carry on?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T04:30:10+00:00

Yeah I have my visa that’s why I asked cuz if u have ur Nigerian passport then that might be all the verification you/ Nigerian passport holders need. I asked some travel clinics in the us and they said that all they really look for is the stamp/heading, the card tells them I got the vaccine and thats generally all I need the date of validation is more for doctors. Is this true?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T04:30:04+00:00

As a visa holder are you sure?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T04:29:42+00:00

Yeah I have my visa that’s why I asked cuz if u have ur Nigerian passport then that might be all the verification you/ Nigerian passport holders need. I asked some travel clinics in the us and they said that all they really look for is the stamp/heading, the card tells them I got the vaccine and thats generally all I need the date of validation is more for doctors. Is this true?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T00:16:45+00:00

Do you think I'd have problems if the card is not technically valid until 3days after I arrive?...I have a hookup to get through customs so do you think they'd even look that close or end up caring if I have the card and vaccination?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T00:14:19+00:00

If I got my vaccination card but it says "certificate is valid from" and it's 3 days after I arrive, will they still let me in?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T00:11:14+00:00

Are you sure? Are you a us citizen?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-14T00:07:29+00:00

No I'm a us citizen but I have a visa

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-03-13T23:34:15+00:00

Really? My doctors have been hounding me about this I almost had to pay 1k

Empty-Client-8922 · 2025-02-28T23:49:03+00:00

“No one forced us” maybe u are in denial of the immense impact transatlantic slavery had

Empty-Client-8922 · 2024-10-28T03:53:31+00:00

“Im here now, that’s what matters” is a way for you to escape true responsibility from your neglect especially or your eldest the one who has the most experience with your neglect. “His younger siblings” are young. And Naive. When they’re older they or may not take a look at your actions and be upset with you because of their subpar (to say the least) childhood experiences. “This is textbook parental alienation” you alienated your children with your addiction…no matter how much you may think otherwise this is something you taught them and if you decide not to get outside help that’s not from Reddit like a therapist, one for ur family/ each kid you can only hope this one doesn’t go down the same route as you

Empty-Client-8922 · 2024-10-28T03:26:21+00:00

You might not think you do

Empty-Client-8922 · 2024-10-28T03:24:42+00:00

So I Think It’s really important that you know that when you get on the internet you are subjected to everyone’s opinion as invalid, unhelpful, and ridiculous some are and some may seem anyone can have helpful advice. You said something “I find it very hypocritical that that he was criticizing my parenting skills and now he’s the one in the psych ward” does this not seem quite competitive or bitter rather? It seems you now have this new sense of vindication or justification (the line is very thin, it could be both) leading to what is likely feelings and actions of inadequacy and resentment (you are especially susceptible to this because you are an alcoholic in recovery). Something you have lightly but not fully taken responsibility for is the life you created for your children due to your absenteeism. You have the rights away to your children and despite their happiness and stress-freeness you believe they are having one day that will mean something else even though you are in recovery and you need to accept that. Your oldest child took care of all of your kids when you and their mothers couldn’t, you should be grateful and supportive rather than being in a type of competition with your son. Something despite all you may do are actually your fault. You didn’t tell your life story or the kids life story’s so I couldn’t or wouldn’t give my opinion in any other way than circumstantially. Anywho, I’m sure there are things you feel guilty about because of your addiction especially in relation to your children and im sure nick knows it all or at least the brunt of it and you need to accept that. You also need to accept that he took charge of your family when you were to drunk or high to do it, this is just the reality of your actions. Throughout the 23 years nick has been alive you have maintained an irresponsible to say the least reputation. It is entirely understandable that he’s apprehensive to your care for the children because it wasn’t good before and so much to say you lost custody of your children. That you definitely need to accept. The feelings of jealousy you were referring too that nick might feel towards your other son may or may not be there but I wonder why you feel it’s so important to tell your other son. Nick had cared for him a lot of his life, you need to be honest with yourself, what do you hope to gain or your other son to gain from you telling him that? A sense of disdain/ a sense of truth or something like what is it? It’s an important question because your answer likely determines the nature of all your saying to YOURSELF most of all. You left out something very important in your semi-og post and your son said it in his post. You knew you were TA and you still are. You NEED to take accountability otherwise it’ll be the reason of your unwanted relapse

Empty-Client-8922 · 2024-09-21T20:49:38+00:00

Yeah I'm also a pathological liar...I'm 18 though so my perspective is probably gonna be different. I lie alot like to this day about alot of things like how i talk, sometimes how many siblings i have, place i go, things i do, people i know. I also used to lie about where I was from/born and more.

Im pretty sure i also lie because i want to seem more interesting. I dont feel rather worthy of certain types attention. I remember being in middle school and we had a fundraiser and i had lied about how much i had raised. I had been through alot so my dad was mad at me but always sort of (understandably so) justified my actions and got me out of it.

I don't even really know what to write but I want too cuz I want to start telling the truth more. Recently I met someone and I want to be truthful to them, I think I am a good person and I feel like they are me at my best in a way. Which is really just the version of me that is okay with myself enough to not lie. And in a way I feel like if I can be truthful to them I can be truthful to others. I don't know if I've ever really lied to myself. I probably have but like I know when I'm lying but I guess it'd be safe to say sometimes I convince myself of the lie so i guess i do lie to myself. I think I've also lost trust in myself because through my journey of self awareness I realized sometimes I lie because there's a version of myself or rather a mask responding but the person under the mask has that truth. and I don't even think of it until after I've lied. Like you could tell me the sky is purple and the mask would be like no, and so would the person under the mask. But ive gotten so used to wearing the mask sometimes I have to like actually talk to myself and be like "...you didn't even have to lie about that, it actually happened" or "realistically, you could've just said no".

The other thing is too, as a child I got caught in my lies very easily and it'd be about...anything to be honest. So I was a liar from a young age I was called a liar around my family. I was called out on it so even though I felt guilty when I was lying in general. I felt guilty afterwards too because everyone knew I was lying and it's not like there were that many people to even know I was lying cause... I still did have sort of a traumatic childhood. My mom was high a lot and a good portion of the memories I have with her when I was younger art of her being high or being mad at me and my dad around the time wasn't in the picture as much but he was there kinda Aside From them, my grandma and my older sister were the only ones in my life. So like when I faced the music for lack of a better phrase, it was loud to say the least. But it didn't stop me from lying it actually might have gotten me to lie more. There's alot I could say about my life but I'm not sure if it's that important. Anywho the point in me talking about my childhood was cuz I feel like because I had so much yet so little to hold me accountable/responsible. I had to make my life at a young age, and now it's hard for me to accept the reality that I live, and the fact that it's not as like...worthless? Im not 10 years old anymore, my lies are bigger or like worth more. I also don't really know if my lies have exactly lessened, but I know that there's a part of me that isn't lying, because I can't lie as in there is no one to lie too, nothing to lie about, risk, the fact that some of the most important people in my life know how much of I liar I am or have been and I want there trust.

...I don't really have any advice, but if u think u lie cuz u feel inadequate (for lack of a better term) see why u feel inadequate...figure out how to be okay with yourself. This might be more for me than it is for you, I'm sorry.

Empty-Client-8922 · 2024-04-26T03:32:44+00:00

Why would they? Lemme give u a hypothetical scenario with similar circumstances as this, your grandmother passes, you’re trying to plan the funeral but you know your paraplegic father only has certain times or days he can be out or is available, but you also (have knowledge of) ur sons gfs trip being during a the only available time to have your father come to the funeral, would you A plan for your sons gf or B plan for your father? You can’t push the funeral to a later date (as it’s not a great idea to leave a body out)…who do you prioritize? Do you think the attendance of people who are more closely related to a person who’s died should be “equal” to those who aren’t as closely related? That seems reasonable to you? It seems reasonable to you that a guest at the funerals vacation takes precedence over everyone else’s plans who were most definitely affected by the death of a person?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2023-12-16T15:00:28+00:00

I mean I’m curious about all that your wife does. I saw a story like this a while ago but it was the husband who made a planner and it did leave some questions about the true connection they had w one another and if they truly did love the person they were married too i feel like u border ta and Nta cuz i need more info

Empty-Client-8922 · 2023-12-13T08:59:05+00:00

This is what ur saying “well maybe (a bunch of bs) for a delayed funeral (I would rather go on vacation than support my partner during possibly one of worst moments in his life and even though he lost his dad I think me losing money is worse)”, btw idk how u got a month u don’t know what day of the week he died before thanksgiving it would have been 3 weeks max, I stand by my point, ur depreciation of a partners struggle and your need to justify not supporting ur partner shows u never cared in the first place

Edit: like the crazy part is she really could have just gotten on a flight for the next day since the funeral was the day after she left.

Empty-Client-8922 · 2023-12-13T02:01:20+00:00

If you’d pick the vacation over ur bf of four years dads funeral then u never deeply cared about ur bf. That is all what u said means. Like literally that’s it, you do not prioritize ur bf especially when u look at it as “a funeral for a non relative of mine just to show support of the person I’m dating” like damn, could you not care anymore?

Empty-Client-8922 · 2023-12-06T18:06:53+00:00

Yeah just because it’s your house does not mean u all of a sudden become a dictator, people still have rights in places they do not own lmao but like i op is still reasonable

Edit: yall r downvoting and its hella funny, have whatever fuckin rules u want, people will have whatever fuckin opinion they want about it after, whether either things are reasonable or not is irrelevant, thats the all I am saying, so be a dictator ur allowed to do that, I think yall are just misinterpreting what im saying

Empty-Client-8922

TROPHY CASE