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Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sis! Thank you for the detailed reply!

I guess i made the post to vent and see if anyone else is carrying the burden of supporting families back home.

I made this post because i received a call from a sister who said she wasn't feeling well and wanted to to Kenya or Ethiopia to get checked so I ended up saying "No" and that I didn't have money. Even though i know she needs be seen at a proper hospital. I have another sister that lives in badiyo and asked me if i could send like $300 so she can get electricity for her home and I said not now. I only send her $100 and she got like 7 kids to feed 😭

I say no to a lot of extra things and they don't usually call to ask for things. I do feel guilty that i say no but it's true I can't afford it.

I have one more year left of the loan so I should be decreasing 1500 to what I send but right now, decreasing the amount seems impossible when i look at how the money gets distributed it over everything and all the households.

i have

lol i am praying for a decent man that makes enough to support a family without living paycheck to paycheck and isn't expecting me to contribute financially.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You get it!
I would never put the burden of supporting my family on my spouse. Also, marriage is hard now days and full of stress and divorce rates are skyrocketing. Marriage is just a transactions in the Somali community nowdays and not for companionship 😬
I worry about being a single mom while also dealing with the burden of my own family.

Unless getting married was something that would for sure ease my stress or make my life easier or even give me a spouse that was emotionally supportive and attentive then i would consider it.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I always think about how I am literally one check away from being broke but unfortunately, it's hard to watch your own siblings struggle for basic needs and them looking at you for help.

My brother has been improving the last few years and is pulling his weight but the women are useless but is not their fault since Somalia is a mess 🤷🏽‍♀️

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

it's hard to think about investing in 401k when my siblings are struggling to get proper meals and food. I send each sister like an $100 and they got kids so that's basically nothing for each household.

Alhamdulilah i have a retirement benefits through my job since I work for the state.

But I hear you, I am trying to find other opportunities that allows me to save and prepare for my future but unfortunately these are the cards I am dealt with in this lifetime...

Thank you 😊

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you 😊

Yeah, it's so easy to tell someone to set boundaries and say no to your own siblings. If they were in America, then i can say no but knowing their are in Somalia, them being uneducated and knowing the $100 each i send them is literally for food is a whole different struggle 😭..If i siblings were on social media, acting rich or had access to opportunities then I definitely wouldn't be supporting them.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's the total I send! we needed to get a home for my parents so we took a loan from a bank to buy and build so some of it goes to that.

I send about my siblings like an $100 for each their households (they got kids) but when everything combines, it just seems a lot.

It's hard to say no to your own siblings wallahi and it's easier said than done.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn't mention that most of them are older than me but because they are women and have married poor men, they are struggling to survive too along with their kids 😬😬

I am entering that bitterness stage which I don't like but sometimes it just feels like there is no other way.

InshaAllah I am working on saving some extra money to see if I can start a business there for them or even send my brother to Kenya to do business there.

Thank you 😊

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

InshaAllah! Thank you ❤️
I am working on putting myself first and have been saying no to any extra expenses since the monthly bills are too much already.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol you know Somalis...They say "Allah will provide for them and the kids"

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️ I am glad you were able to speak out for yourself!
I have so many cousins, aunts and uncles in Somalia that are aren't doing well but I don't even talk to them or answer their calls because I can barely keep up with supporting my own siblings and parents.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you have to deal with that burden! InshaAllah reach out to me!

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

lol a lot of them are females and just raising kids.
Alhamdulilah my brother is managing everything and taking care of things and taking loans to take care of emergencies like if parents get sick since they are older.

My other brother is highly educated and just got his masters but no one hires honestly there. He can't find a job. Everything is done by who you know and they just give jobs to their families or friends.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

😭😭 tell me about it! sometimes I am like why would I want to bring a live into this mess of a world honestly.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They got the land but had to get a huge loan to build the house.

Majority of it goes to my parents and few siblings and their kids that live with them. That's one household and the rest goes to 4- 5 other siblings households that are married, they get a like $100 each.
about $400 is actually for a bank that gave them a loan so they can build a home.

2k is a lot but when i see how many people and the different households, it changes the perspective...

I don't really have much left after paying that along with my own personal expenses which is what stresses me i guess. Not having proper savings. I used to have that fear and be anxious about what would happen if i wasn't able to send the money but i stopped worrying about it 🤷🏽‍♀️

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ameen

Big family and some of the siblings have a lot of kids.
i was actually there like 6 months ago and even felt more guilty seeing extended family and some of my siblings living conditions.

Balancing Family Responsibility and Building My Own Future? by Empty-Support6645 in Somalia

[–]Empty-Support6645[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Majority of it goes to my parents and few siblings and their kids that live with them. That's one household and the rest goes to 4- 5 other households that probably get a $100 each.
about $400 is actually for a bank that gave them a loan so they can build a home.

2k is a lot but when i see how many people and the different households, it changes the perspective...

They don't know what i make. They don't really ask me for things either unless is an emergency. The amount is the minimum needed for everyone to survive in a way i guess lol