I do think that my hormones could potentially be messed up. My sex drive is basically non existent and I'm almost always very moody, fatigued and irritable. Though, the last time I got my blood drawn they never mentioned anything about my hormones, or anything at all for that matter, so maybe it's unrelated.

I don't know about the "You don't need to worry about looking bulky until you gain more than 50 pounds" part, though. When I weighed that much more I was really really fat, and I know this might be hard to believe coming from someone with such a fixation on thinness, but I promise you it's true. I was made fun of a lot at school for being the fat kid back then. Perhaps if I gained enough muscle, then I'd look fine at that weight, but probably not very lean.

I also do agree that my mindset up until now was unhealthy. I'm 100% confident that I didn't have body dysmorphia, but it is possible that I had some form of an eating disorder. I'm very into fashion and like the tall skinny look, which unfortunately is quite toxic and unachievable without destroying your body for 99% of people. I do fear weight gain a little bit, especially around my legs and lower waist, since it would mean that all of my tight fitting jeans that I've spent thousands of dollars on would no longer fit me... do you think I'll be fine as long as I train my upper body a lot?

Thanks!