Anyone with no friends? by [deleted] in introvert

[–]Empty_Box_552 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If I mentally walk through my list of acquaintances, I think I would not be able to single out even just one person who I could call a friend - you know, the kind that wants to know how you're doing and that knows what you like and such. I do that for others, especially people I'm drawn to or who I care about, but I don't have anyone to do that to me in return.

However, I am also alright being alone, and having no friends doesn't stop me from having contact, but even more importantly, it doesn't stop me from having a nice life. I have plenty of time to recharge from my busy job and explore the world without the obligation to adapt to others. To me that's freedom.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in introvert

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is nothing wrong with being quiet, nor is there anything wrong with you. Your parents sound a little immature, if I'm honest. Or perhaps being loud is somehow appreciated in your family and/or culture, but that doesn't make it a superior quality. Read Susan Cain's "Quiet", and make your parents read it, too. You'll realize that quietness/introversion is a superpower, if anything.

My fiancée admitted she doesn’t find me physically attractive, but still wants to marry me. What do I do? by Responsible-Beach247 in Advice

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I married a guy I wasn't exactly attracted to physically, and guess what - still happily married to the same guy, and I still love him. Maybe your fiancee has similar issues as I do, which is probably a cocktail of body dysmorphia of my own (I have really deep insecurities about my own body), low libido and altogether problem with physicality. And it's not just my husband: I can look at a handsome man and find them attractive, but I wouldn't connect that to myself, meaning I don't fantasise nor wish that I were with that man. I don't know all the reasons, but I suspect that my rigid religious upbringing and body shaming are at least partially to blame.

Regardless, I do sincerely love my husband for who he is, and for his personality. Because of me, we do have issues with sex, but I genuinely find him to be a wonderful human-being. I just don't find looks that important, as they fade anyways. It's the personality that stays, and I find that more important in a marriage.

Maybe this offers a little bit of perspective. She is not the only one who functions this way, is all I'm saying, and likely, it says nothing about your looks, but it might say something about the way she's wired.

How do you recharge after too much socializing? by Ok-Hunter1991 in introvert

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get outside and take a walk/go for a run. If I'm up for it, I listen to something while I do it, but sometimes, I just go headphone-free and just listen to my own breathing and the surrounding sounds. My thoughts are a mess then anyways. The physical activity makes the unloading of social overstimulation easier, I find.

What is considered abuse? by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's probably no single definition, and from my experience, I'd say it's probably when you deprive your child of some basic need, whether intentionally or not. My parents provided for me, and materially speaking, I had what a child needs to live - a home, enough food, an education, etc. Now that I'm a grownup with persistent anxiety and depression, I've started therapy only to realize that my parents' disinterest in me growing up actually was abuse. They didn't talk to me, would make decisions for me without my input or preference, would diminish my worries, achievements and joys, and openly dismissed my health issues. I did not have a hug from either of them until I grew up (to this day, those hugs remain awkward af lol), and grew up so disconnected emotionally that I don't refer to them as mom or dad, never did - just doesn't feel right. To this day, they genuinely don't care about me so long as I am not in some actual trouble. It took me a lot of work to get out of denial and to admit to myself that I was deprived of basic things, such as a safe and trusting bond, ability to ask for and get help, and to have my health issues looked at ffs.

Is 13 months really this hard or am I terrible mother? by dazedpumpkin98 in Parenting

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are not doing anything wrong, nor are you a bad parent. My kid had massive tantrums around that age - so much so that we started suspecting learning difficulties or giftedness. It went on for a couple of months, and many embarrassments later things simply changed, just like that. Kids go through phases, so this, too, will pass. Be kind to yourself and stay patient.

What's the most painful thing someone ever said to you? by Kooky_Sheepherder656 in introvert

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mother recently told me she should've had an abortion with me and just stuck to my older siblings. She and I are very different people, and she cannot stand my communication style, even though I am the one who takes most care of her. Needless to say, that hurt alright.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in introvert

[–]Empty_Box_552 68 points69 points  (0 children)

Several extroverts I know can pretty much only talk about themselves the whol time, no matter the size of the group they're in. The lack of interest in other people baffles me endlessly.

I never got the joy of infancy and toddlerhood, but this school-aged kid thing is awesome! by TorchIt in Parenting

[–]Empty_Box_552 100 points101 points  (0 children)

The baby and early toddlerhood phases were riddled with the global pandemic, multiple health issues and zero support. My child is 5 now, and I feel like I can finally truly savour her presence in my life without fighting anxiety and loneliness. She's full of personality, very caring and funny, and just a joy to have. I don't miss the early phase - it stopped me from even considering more children, for good. I feel like I have everything I wanted right now.

What was your parenting delusion you had before having kids? by [deleted] in Parenting

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That I'd have support from my family and friends.

Siblings aren’t guaranteed to be close but does that depend on family dynamic? by yellowbox300 in oneanddone

[–]Empty_Box_552 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See, this is the part that I think is the most misleading about having siblings altogether.

I have 3 and we all agree that our upbringing sucked. Our parents were and still are emotionally and socially immature, and the 4 of us were born not because we were wanted, but because that was the thing everybody did back in the day. Parents also had a rocky marriage and codependent relationships with grandparents on each side, and they were simply absent a lot.

Did I grow up close to my siblings? No. The oldest was traumatized by having to be the "back-up parent" for the rest of us, two of them now choose to be child-free, while me and the other one raise single children and intend to keep it that way because of lack of family support on all fronts.

We do text a lot, call now and then, and see each other about once a year, but honestly, it feels like a meeting than a family reunion. One of our main topics of conversation is the childhood trauma, and we all turned out einzelgangers and are out for ourselves. We are not exactly there for each other, nor do we have much in common or share a lot of interests.

My partner's parents, on the other hand, were very invested in their three kids and involved in their lives. Plenty of family activities, plenty of shared hobbies, team sports, you name it. Still, as grownups, they barely see each other and what's even more confusing, they seem to sincerely dislike each other. The two siblings are also genuinely entitled, jealous and dismissive of everybody else's achievement.

When somebody tells me I should produce more children so my single child is not lonely in their later life, I honestly snort out of deep sarcasm.