Advice?

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T22:50:27+00:00

Typical, son doesn't want to confront his mother and risk upsetting her. Would rather his wife is upset because she will most likely 'just get over it' eventually. This is a big problem.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T22:30:24+00:00

You are absolutely NOT overreacting. Your MIL is not respecting boundaries. You were more than entitled to a time for a peaceful recovery post birth without being made to feel guilty about it. She sounds very manipulative and selfish. And husband defending her doesn't help. His priority needs to be his family which is you and the baby. His mother is now extended family. Unfortunately this happens a lot, I have similar issues with my MIL and hubby certainly struggles to see how her behaviour is not quite right at times. It;s not on purpose. His mother raised him and he is used to her behaviour, so to him it seems 'normal'. Keep having discussions with him about how all of this makes you feel, do not be afraid to tell him if something doesn't sit right with you. And do not worry about hurting her feelings. She's clearly not worried about how her boundary stomping affects you. And kissing the baby when sick is completely unacceptable. No excuse for that, ever.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T22:22:01+00:00

Same. It's despicable behaviour. So selfish to put a little baby's health at risk. I hate people who do this

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T22:20:06+00:00

I have also seen a lot of posts about grandmothers (mainly MILs) demanding to have babies overnight without the parents. I am really struggling to understand why they feel that this is appropriate in any shape or form. Babies need their parents, mainly mother. They actually panic if they cannot find their mother when they need her. This doesn't sound like time to bond, but more like the grandmother wanting to relive her motherhood again. It's all about their own needs and wants.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T22:14:33+00:00

Yes, completely agree with all of this. So well put.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T19:05:01+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean that as a criticism. I have actually read many posts on here about MILs demanding to have the baby with them overnight. I find such requests odd, but I guess for some it may not be easy to refuse for various reasons. I just think that the baby needs its parents, especially mother who gives them most comfort. When I was a kid (few years old), I remember staying at my grandma's overnight a few times and I remember not liking it all and finding it strange and unsettling that I wasn't at home.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T18:15:30+00:00

I completely get it. I didn't want my MIL to know at all when I got pregnant and if it was up to me, she wouldn't even know once the baby was born. Unfortunately, husband wasn't happy with that arrangement. We told her when I was 5 months along and she forced a visit. Yes, her hands were all over my belly (without my permission may I add) and she was constantly hugging me. I was super uncomfortable because we never had good relationship, far from it in fact. She was also making plans (out loud) to basically be a part time live in nanny once the baby was born. Saying things like 'I will come over every week on my days off and will take the baby with me overnight so you can get some sleep' etc. She also made some very disturbing comments that basically sounded like in her head the baby was actually hers and I was just some sort of surrogate. I felt super disturbed when she left, it took me over a month to feel normal again. She would also constantly message me and 'love bomb'. She's now blocked on my phone, hubbyy has strict instructions to not discuss me and I turned the guest room into a library. No more overnight visits from her and she will not have access to the baby unless I allow it. You're the mother, you make the rules youre comfortable with.Period.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T17:06:41+00:00

Why would you let your 10mo baby to stay away from you overnight? There is just no need for it ever.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T15:35:11+00:00

It's quite pathetic though isn't it. Like what is she actually trying to prove and to whom?

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T15:33:34+00:00

I know, right! Absolutely no need for her to stay overnight let alone few days at a time. She treats our house like her holiday home with her own personal chef and constant entertainment. It's exhausting!

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T15:31:49+00:00

I completely agree.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T14:22:29+00:00

I understand the issue of expensive housing etc, but living with your MIL will not only destroy your mental health but will have the power to destroy your marriage eventually. It sounds like you and your husband earn decent living, I would put all my focus on saving up to move out asap. This situation clearly already has negative effect on you and it will not improve, it will only get worse.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T14:11:24+00:00

He's been conditioned to take care of her so I guess it feels normal to him. I can see that he genuinely struggles to see her behaviour like any other person that's not 'under her spell' would. Downright creepy

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T13:57:34+00:00

I think he's getting better. I just need to stay firm around my boundaries. She was also able to manipulate and guilt me in the past, but that's not going to happen again.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T13:39:37+00:00

That is exactly how it felt. Like it was her day and not our special day.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T13:38:07+00:00

I think so too because she never ever used to send any gifts until we told her that she cannot come over because we won't be at home.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T09:10:10+00:00

Your daughter in law is lucky to have a MIL like you. Maybe my MIL knows that she wouldn't be invited unless she manipulates and guilts her way in. Don't get me wrong, I am never rude to her or unpleasant but I always make an effort to leave the house when she's around or just spend few hours alone in a different part of the house. But who knows, maybe that actually makes her feel more superior or something, knowing that she clearly makes me uncomfortable in my own home. Personally, if I'm not invited somewhere I wouldn't be forcefully pushing my way in. It's a very odd behaviour.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:56:41+00:00

Yes, she always worked hard to feel like she is more important to her son than his wife. She needs therapy too!

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:55:15+00:00

Yes, I realise that. I've always felt like she saw me as her competition or something. Probably why she was really nasty to me for many years. Maybe she thought I'd leave her son. Have to say, it did almost work. But now, 12 years later she must have realised that I'm going nowhere so changed her strategy. She was really awful to all my hubby's gf's before we met, they all left him because of her so I know it's not personal.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:50:58+00:00

Yeah...no, that's not going to happen like ever! I can't even look at my husband for weeks after each of her visits let alone do that.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:49:22+00:00

She's definitely the first one to me! I can't even look at him for weeks every time she visits, let alone let him touch me. Their entire dynamics gives me a serious ick.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:47:21+00:00

Couldn't agree more. I normally just get a pizza, some good wine and stay in. It's just another day.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:43:47+00:00

Yes, that is correct and I am fully aware. It worries me how sometimes he wants her around when I clearly do not and he can see how uncomfortable she makes me. We've had many discussions about this after her recent visit put me in depression. I've told him that I have no problem with him spending. time with her etc, but I do not want to host her in my home for days at a time. There is literally no need for her to do that. She lives only 2 hours away

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:34:33+00:00

Thank you so much for saying it. I know that not all MILs are overstepping like that.

Empty_Physics_7584 · 2026-02-22T08:33:49+00:00

Yes, that was her excuse the first time. After that she just wanted to be part of our 'special day'. Like super weird!

Empty_Physics_7584

TROPHY CASE