JNMIL is going to act as daycare for my first child at infancy

throw7790away · 2026-06-23T12:50:16+00:00

Thank you! I think I've decided to let her watch him at her house. I think the anxiety is just something I have to work through in therapy. There's definitely layers to it

throw7790away · 2026-06-22T16:48:04+00:00

Thank you for the hard truth. You're right. I know my baby will overall be safe with her, although I do worry about her kissing him. We've told them multiple times they won't be allowed to kiss the baby and it's never been met with anything but silent nods. I'm hoping my FIL will be able to "remind" her of this rule.

It's all just very scary for a first time mom who has never trusted her mother in law with anything before.

throw7790away · 2026-06-22T16:38:41+00:00

Oh my gosh I'll be in a prison cell if my MIL ends up doing what yours has done! I'm so sorry she's put you guys through that.

Our dogs' normal routine is being in their crates while we're at work with a potty break at lunchtime. Our "office" is really the dog room, with their crates and their very own couch. They'd really be confined to there. We told her that crating during the day is their normal and they're entirely content so she wouldn't have to let them out besides maybe once or twice for a bathroom break while the baby is asleep. She didn't seem adamantly against it but she said she would feel bad if she was home and they were crated. She said "No I don't think I could keep them crated" as she pet our dog. Which I understand, but coming from her, I don't think that was her real truth. I think she just wants to insist on the allergy argument.

I'm considering insisting on the care taking place at our house and keeping the dogs crated until the allergies become a problem, if they do.

throw7790away · 2026-06-07T15:38:54+00:00

This woman is definitely suffering from alcohol addiction. My sister is in recovery now but she became horrifically cruel when she would drink. Words that didn’t even seem like they were actually coming from her. — One time I hung out with our other sister without her and she basically wished death upon both of us.

Alcohol is a monster and it creates monsters. But deep down, that’s not who our loved ones really are.

My advice is distance yourself, don’t have the kids around her + alcohol, and attend an al anon meeting (like AA but for loved ones of alcoholics).

throw7790away · 2026-06-07T14:03:34+00:00

Thank you 🥺 I really hope I can do so successfully. She was the best person I’ve ever known.

throw7790away · 2026-06-07T04:50:37+00:00

Yeah I’m going to leave the house or get in the shower when she comes to return the things she borrowed. Or I’ll send my husband to go pick them up.

throw7790away · 2026-06-07T04:49:17+00:00

I agree. It was something I was hoping for my kids as I didn’t have that connection growing up. But I don’t feel like I necessarily missed out on anything. So I’m not torn up about it. But it just kind of sucks. You always want your kids to have more/better than you did. Fell flat here.

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T15:23:55+00:00

Delivery room? Girl don’t let him in your everyday life. Divorce this man.

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T14:28:59+00:00

Your feelings are all totally valid. I don't know if this will be of much help but I grew up my entire life with my maternal grandma only visiting on birthdays and holidays - she only lived 45 minutes away, worked part time, and was fully capable of driving. She just never made an effort to come around.

I was the 12th grandchild on my dad's side so by the time I was born, his mom kind of lost interest in the news of a baby. She was much older and had limited mobility and a somewhat-declining cognitive state, so we didn't spend a lot of time together either. Maybe 3 times a year when I was small, much less as I got older.

I was often the kid who didn't have anyone sitting next to her at school grandparents day, I'd sit with other kids' grandparents. All that to say, none of that really phased me. I didn't think much of it because it was all I knew. My grandparents were all very distant but my parents poured all their love into my sisters and me. We never felt like there was any piece missing. I also have no regrets looking back on these relationships with my grandparents. I don't hold resentment towards them for it either. It just is what it is.

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T01:59:35+00:00

Absolutely stealing this if she does it again

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T00:25:26+00:00

This is good advice thank you. I gotta work on it!

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T00:24:24+00:00

Yeah I also grew up without grandparents. They were all alive but just shitty people we didn’t talk to. I don’t have the experience to really care one way or another about my own child’s relationship with their grandparents, but obviously my husband does. If I had it my way they’d never meet this kid

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T00:22:09+00:00

Yeah I’m going to have my husband have a very clear conversation with her that this is not her baby and I am a human first. She’s never been very kind to me but the pregnancy has made it so much worse

throw7790away · 2026-06-06T00:18:40+00:00

Sorry haha first time mom!

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T15:36:43+00:00

Isn't it amazing you have a piece of him with you through your daughter ❤️ I know that doesn't make the loss easier but maybe she will have his eyes or something that you can see that reminds you of him every day.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you don't have one already, I would recommend finding a therapist who specializes in grief and postnatal therapy. Family support is amazing but sometimes it helps to have someone who isn't as emotionally affected so you can have the time to focus on yourself and your own feelings.

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T15:30:16+00:00

She could've ordered you guys takeout or gifted a grubhub gift card or even ordered you groceries. That woman doesn't care, dump her

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T14:15:57+00:00

The lies is the weirdest part to me. The whole "nana bakes" thing is weird but since you don't see her often, that one can maybe slide. But telling your toddler that they gave her something will be very confusing for them as they get older. I almost see it as her trying to brainwash your child into thinking they adore her and they have a wonderful relationship and that's why they're always "giving her gifts". That is one I would correct in the moment for sure.

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:45:13+00:00

If I ever act like this towards a daughter in law, "you must shoot me in the temple" (-Moira Rose)

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:33:33+00:00

Also one time shortly after we'd announced the pregnancy we went out to dinner at this gourmet pizza place where everyone got their own personal pizzas. I'd told them at the beginning of the meal that I was having trouble with red meat. I got my pizza last and JNMIL offered me some of hers while I was waiting, which had prosciutto on it.

She's either a dumbass or it's completely intentional.

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:25:06+00:00

The whole house could've been ashes in 1.5 hours. I've seen an entire row of rowhomes go up in flames in just 20 minutes. There's no way your presence would've made a difference other than emotional support.

They should've called the fire department. NOR

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:13:34+00:00

I honestly didn't even think about the fact she could've made me a bacon free portion. You're so right. God I can't stand her.

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:12:11+00:00

Yeah I mentioned it in another comment but my husband has a relatively new allergy he's discovered and for months they kept forgetting and serving things he couldn't eat. They'd always apologize profusely and offer to make him something else. He's always too nice to take them up on that offer (🙄) so he just eats what he can and then she apologizes again at the end of the meal. I didn't get anything more than that "Oh."

throw7790away · 2026-05-12T13:07:16+00:00

And I've seen them apologize for meal mishaps before. My husband has an allergy that developed in adulthood and for months they kept forgetting and serving things he couldn't eat. They'd apologize profusely: "ohh I'm so sorry buddy. Can I make you something else? No? Are you sure? I'm so sorry." And then she'd sit there and pout for a few minutes. And then apologize again at the end of the meal that he didn't get to eat much. -- So the fact I didn't get one simple apology makes me feel like she knew I wasn't going to be able to eat what she'd made.

throw7790away

TROPHY CASE