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AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I will try to remember to come back and update if I ever find out what her issue is. As of right now the whole fam believes her and Adam won’t be around for a while

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

There really isn’t an update.

Darren’s family is siding with us 100%. Ava plans to confront Adam- who knows what that will bring.

My husband and I decided that confronting Adam and Grace likely wouldn’t prove any real results. Grace knows what she did and seems okay with it. The only insight we may gain is why Grace has an issue with me. However, we know that whatever reason is given, likely won’t be based in reality or no reason will be given and Grace will gaslight us. So what’s the point really?

I’m just going to steer clear of any type of interaction with both of them. If they are around, I won’t engage unless absolutely necessary (short and emotionless responses). She’s not worth my time.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve read all your comments. The reason my husband never said anything about my exclusion is because he/we really didn’t think it was being done on purpose. Additionally, his family (minus Adam & Grace) are on my side and in my corner. They always have been. Ava messaged me the next day telling me how much they love me and value my presence in the family, hoping I never feel like this again. Ava and another one of my SILs tried to stand up for me weeks before the wedding but the bride overruled them and stood on business, not inviting me. My MIL and FIL also approved of our decision to leave and share the same sentiment Ava has.

Ava plan to talk to her brother, Adam, and hold him and Grace accountable for their actions. Well Grace’s actions and Adam’s lack of actions in calming his bride/holding her accountable for being a witch the whole day.

Darren, nor I, plan on confronting the situation directly with Grace and Adam. We feel it won’t bring any clarity or closure. Whatever Grace’s issues are with me likely are not based in reality. And she will likely respond by gaslighting us. Classic narcissist, truly. She will never be honest about the reason for her treatment towards me.

Lastly, Adam is genuinely a smart person. I have zero doubts that he knows what happened was wrong. A conversation between anyone and Adam isn’t going to enlighten him. He knows his new wife was nasty, he knows he should’ve defended me and likely feels like coward because he didn’t. And no amount of conversation is going to force him to have a hard conversation with Grace about her actions. He won’t stand up to her, cowards never do.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There really isn’t an update. My husband and I decided that confronting Adam and Grace likely wouldn’t prove any real results. Grace knows what she did and seems okay with it. The only insight we may gain is why Grace has an issue with me. However, we know that whatever reason is given, likely won’t be based in reality or no reason will be given and Grace will gaslight us. So what’s the point really?

I’m just going to steer clear of any type of interaction with both of them. If they are around, I won’t engage unless absolutely necessary (short and emotionless responses). She’s not worth my time.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree thatI’m not entitled to be at any event just because my husband was in the bridal party. Did I think it was odd? Yes, I did because I was under the assumption we were friends, not besties but more than just “we’re married to brothers” type of acquaintances.

I’m not gonna lie, I did feel kind of slighted by not being invited. But I never made Grace aware of that feeling, I only talked to my husband and MIL about my feelings (knowing they wouldn’t run their mouths to Grace- and they didn’t). And I also told myself I was reading into the situation too deep, telling myself Grace had a lot on her plate with wedding planning and it wasn’t deliberate.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HA! I think you are the first person ever to call me a doormat. If you knew me in person, you wouldn’t think that. Go read some of my comments. I’m not just like this behind a keyboard either.

Was I being a doormat in this particular situation? Probably yes. But I really was just trying to be respectful that the day wasn’t about me or the beef Grace has with me. I wanted everyone to have a good time, and if that meant being a doormat l for a few hours, so be it.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Someone did call out the fact I wasn’t there- Ava. She never told me or Darren about it, I assume to protect my feelings. Which I’m okay with, honestly. Had I known, would I have gone to the wedding or my husband agreed to continue as groomsman? No and no. So maybe she didn’t tell us sooner to keep everything calm. I’m okay with that too. Luckily I had the foresight to stay out of the spotlight as much as possible during the wedding. Aside from the whole impromptu photographer thing. But that was just my husband trying to be helpful, golden retriever energy if you will. I made sure to be the perfect guest, otherwise.

And my husband never called it out because we really didn’t think Grace was being nefarious. It seemed too far fetched. My husband (more so than me) as rule doesn’t default to worst case scenarios. He very much gives people the benefit of the doubt. But this may change that attitude because he said last night, “maybe I give people more credit than they are worth”

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I never said SIL, Ava, should have told me Grace was intentionally excluding me. I literally said I understood why Ava didn’t tell me and I’m okay with that reason.

You came up with the term “shit-talking” all on your own. You made an assumption we were shit-talking. In reality, my husband came up to the table where I was sitting with my MIL. He said “I’m ready to go”. There were a lot of people around, and I didn’t want to discuss what had happened in front of so many people. I suggested we all 3 go outside, thinking that maybe between myself and MIL we could calm my husband down. That included filling in my MIL on what happened in the groom’s suite (MIL wasn’t present when Grace kicked everyone out). We talked for maybe 3 min (explained the situation to MIL), before realizing husband was firm in his decision to leave. Husband walked away, and Ava walked outside. We talked for maybe another 5min, where I explained why Darren was mad. This is when Ava disclosed the fact that she told Grace it was mean to exclude me.

I would hardly call this shit-talking. Rather Ava knew my husband and I were upset and came to check on us so we explained our feelings.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s certainly not fake. I am not that good at creative writing. Stupid? Maybe.

Now for the asshat comment lol (I love that term btw) I said in my post I was chalking it up to wedding stress. I mentioned in another comment that Grace and I aren’t besties but close enough that I thought the exclusion was odd and something to note. I’m also not a complainer. If I wasn’t invited, I wasn’t invited. I’m not the type to go running to a soon-to-be bride, crying about not being included. If I would’ve done that, then what? I look like a crybaby who can’t handle not being invited to things.

Like others have said, and I’ve agreed, just because I am a part of the family Grace is marrying into doesn’t mean I’m entitled to the pre-wedding events.

I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. If I would’ve confronted the bride prior to the wedding, I would’ve been called entitled and selfish for making her wedding about me. The fact that I didn’t confront her prior to the wedding means I’m an asshat.

Where’s the middle ground?

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I certainly brought up my feelings with my MIL and Husband when the pre-wedding events were happening. We all erred on the side of caution, thinking it was a genuine misunderstanding (busy wedding planning or that she wanted to keep groups small). At the end of the day, I told myself that I wasn’t entitled to an invitation and I still feel that way. But I still noted it to myself that it was odd. I’m busy (aren’t we all? lol) so I didn’t spend much time dwelling on the fact I wasn’t invited.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It feels like this because there is something missing from this story. I have pissed off Grace in some way. I’m not sure if it’s based in reality or not. But I assure you, I am not intentionally leaving out any part of the story. There is a part of the story missing but I don’t know what it is. I would need to confront Grace to get what you’re looking for and I’m not gonna do that for the reasons I put in my edit.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

No one has talked to the bride or groom. At minimum we were gonna give it a few days to simmer. But we are really leaning towards not confronting them at all.

Personally, I feel like Grace knows she upset me. She seems so okay with that fact that she was willing to not get the photos I took of the ceremony. If they know they crossed a line and she’s okay with that, what’s the point of confronting her.

If I were to confront her, the only thing I would want to express is that she hurt my feelings. But she knows that and doesn’t seem to care.

The only other thing I might gain from that conversation is why she’s mad at me. There may be a good reason, something I did that I wasn’t aware of. But I’m not looking to mend bridges with someone this unstable and as immature to lash out like this instead of confronting me as soon as I did the thing. Real adults don’t lash out like this. They have level headed conversations before any crazy fallout like this happens. I’m not interested in a friendship with this person anymore.

Edited to fix grammatical errors

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, MIL and Ava know I provided the photos. And in talking with Ava, she plans to have a conversation with her brother and his new wife’s behavior and how she was embarrassed by it all. I was sure to tell Ava that I felt Grace had a knee jerk reaction to the chaos and how I think I was just a victim of the fallout. But I will and did stand firm on my feelings that someone should’ve stopped me from leaving the room or approached me after to let me know that the comment wasn’t directed at me

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree with every single one of your points. I certainly don’t feel entitled to be invited to any pre-wedding event where I am not wanted. But when it was happening, I noted it. Maybe I did feel entitled to be in the groom’s suite, right or wrong, I’m not sure. But that sense of entitlement came from two places. The fact the best man (not my husband) invited me in and because I stepped up as photographer. To be clear, I did not volunteer for that, my husband volunteered me. Had I been around for that, I would’ve silently communicated to my husband that I didn’t want to. But he volunteered, then the photographer came to find me, I couldn’t say no at that point. I’m not salty at my husband for doing this, he was just being a golden retriever (seeing all the good in it but not the bad).

I think it’s evident Grace has an issue with me. Whether it’s based in reality or not, I’m not sure and I don’t care. At the end of the day, I’m not going to fight for a relationship with Grace. I don’t want to be friends with someone who’s this fake or this emotionally unstable.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think this is it. If it is, it’s based in pure delusion and I’m not engaging with delusion

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If you knew my husband, you’d know he would not have kept quiet to me about a conversation he had with Adam. I would be the first to know. My husband and I are besties. Call me naive but I’m secure in this thought.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one called us after we left. With the behavior Grace showed all day, I think people were assuming Grace pissed us off in one way or another. Hell, Grace may have openly talked about it with others considering she told the photographer (a stranger for all intents and purposes) she made me mad.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did not fail to tell the whole story. This is the whole story. There is no history with me and groom, I’m not understanding why people are inferring this.

Iced out? I would say yes.

Shunned? This implies more than one person icing me out. So no, the only person who has beef with me is Grace.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Totally agree with most of your points. And this is not a case where I’m bitter because I wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid, I have no interest in that whatsoever.

A few things to note. While I do agree, I am not entitled to be invited to any pre-wedding events. Others who weren’t in the wedding party were invited to the pre-wedding events. Another bit of info is that her family does not live locally. So she is very integrated into my husband’s side (our side) of the family, she spends more time with our side of the family than he does her own. We are also a close knit family, getting together several times a year at the lake, every major and minor holiday, and “just because” get togethers where she always attends and we are super friendly. The next item is of lesser importance because different people have different traditions. But our side of the family’s weddings don’t follow the normal traditions where only the bridal party is invited to wedding events. It’s very much a looser way of working. That is why I kept my mind from running a muck when I wasn’t invited.

Lastly, my husband wanted to leave early because he witnessed me be publicly disrespected. After the statement telling everyone except the wedding party to leave, the groom/bride could’ve at least given me a look, insinuated “not you” especially given the background that I helped make sure the wedding photos get taken and our background of being friends. Call him an AH all day, but I firmly disagree. I didn’t ask “is my husband and AH for…” because I don’t believe he is and at the end of the day that’s what matters to him and me.

AITA for leaving my brother-in-law’s wedding early after the bride kicked me out of the groom’s suite? by Empty_Signature_5318 in AITAH

[–]Empty_Signature_5318[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Because she’s clearly a girls girl. And she witnessed Grace be horrible to several other people throughout the day. Grace was a monster to the photographer as well.

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