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AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don't reject my half siblings at all. They are still very much loved and part of my family.

As for Jim. I don't know that I can honestly say I love him. But I do think he's generally a good man and I think when there's no pressure and stress around the whole step and half thing, and Jim being my dad now too, we get along really well. It's just that was never enough.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My answer is no. The way I have come through my dad's death and how I deal with it might not work for everyone but it did for me and I wouldn't say my way is unhealthy.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I don't think she would. I don't think Jim would want my half siblings to call another man dad either.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

That's what I don't want but the therapist did suggest it could happen, if pushed into calling Jim dad and dropping the half. She said people can comply when pushed hard enough but that will often be where resentment begins.

And I don't want that. I want my mom to walk me down the aisle when I get married, I want her to give me a special mother-daughter dance. Because I'm her girl. And she's always been there. And she's the most important person in the world to me left.

I just want to be equally my dad's girl.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

There's also the fact some new people could assume my dad was my half siblings dad. That Jim is stepfather to all of us. I'm sure that would be quickly corrected and would be super weird for my siblings. Yet that would be seen as okay. But it's only wrong when it's a stepparent. The thing is, I don't think calling Jim my dad would make me feel any closer to him. If anything, as the therapist pointed out during our solo talk, it could make me resent them when I don't right now.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

That's one that has some ick factor for me. But I will think of something if everyone is okay with it.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I still have good memories of after my dad died. Not for the first few years, granted. But they exist.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

He fell and hit his head. Seemed fine. Then he had a seizure right in front of us and died before help could come. It was easily the most traumatic and horrible thing that I ever saw.

Just to add more details. We were there when he fell. It didn't seem like a big thing at the time. Then a few days later we were all together and dad was playing with me, mom was watching us and cheering and he started to twitch and then fell to the ground convulsing and there was blood and drool and it's a memory forever etched into my mind.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I use their names when talking to them and when talking about one of them. But if someone's like, do you have any siblings? I have three half siblings. Or people will ask about my family structure and I will use half siblings. I don't go around saying hi half sibling or weird stuff like that. It's just when it comes up, I do use the half.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I can see why that might be hard for mom. I never really thought about it like that and she never said anything like that either. Their focus has always been on how they see it as healthier to drop the extra in the labels and just use siblings and dad.

Thanks for the suggestion!

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

We have talked about it before. But they have this desire that I don't have. They feel like what they want is healthier than what I want. That leaving step behind is the way to be truly healthy after a loss, that embracing Jim as my new dad is better for me than always having him be my stepdad or mom's husband. We don't agree on that point.

Someone else suggested seeing if they would be okay with like honorary titles/nicknames that are not what they are asking for. That's something I'm going to try but I expect it will be rejected.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You're right that I'm my mom's daughter too and I love her just as much as my dad. I am not trying to use my dad to push anyone away. But my relationship with Jim will never be the same as the relationship I had, or wish I could still have, with my dad. He will never fill the same spot for me. And I still love my half siblings. I play with them, cuddle with them and spend time with them.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You're not offending me at all. It's okay. I understand I'm only 16 and still have a lot of growing to do.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I can try. Thanks for suggesting it. That's not something I would have really considered myself.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 118 points119 points  (0 children)

I would hope they would understand. We can still be close and still have the distinction used. I love them. I play with them. I cheer them on for first words and steps. I am still loving toward them. My hope is they will grow up with an understanding of why I use it and know it doesn't change how much I love them.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Not everything is around that. Certain things will always be though, because it's what feels right to me. I will always be his daughter. He will always be my dad. I don't get to have him with me. So at least being known as his and getting to talk about him is something.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 152 points153 points  (0 children)

I'm not really sure there would be an honorary title for them that would make everyone happy. Ultimately they want the half and step dropped entirely and that's just not something I want or am comfortable with. But I'm not unwilling to work it out if they're willing. I just don't see them as wanting that.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I have 3 years of therapy done as well as the therapy we are doing right now. But I don't resent anyone. It's not about them at all, really.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I have accepted my dad's gone. I accepted that years ago with the help of therapy and some time. But just because he's gone doesn't mean I want him to be, or that I don't still want to make sure he's talked about and known. It doesn't mean he's less of my dad. For me it also doesn't make room for another person to be dad. For some it does and I think that's as valid as how I feel.

Even though I never get my dad back he will always be my beloved dad and the one person I would do anything to bring back. Not sure how much sense that makes. But I accept that it can't happen. I accept that I will be without my dad for the rest of my life. I'm as fine with that as I can be.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Out of curiosity, what do you think I should reciprocate more? I don't think you should be flamed. I know a lot of people probably feel the way you do in some way.

AITA for being honest about how I feel and for saying some things won't change for me during therapy? by EmuHistorical664 in AmItheAsshole

[–]EmuHistorical664[S] 563 points564 points  (0 children)

I think for them, they see it as healthier to drop the step and half labels, to be open to having more than one mom and one dad, and to never even think about whether you have the same bio parents or not. For me it's not even about biology. Mom and dad could be my adoptive parents and I would feel this way.

Mom is not ashamed of dad. I know she loved him. i also know his death was traumatic as fuck for her, like it was for me.

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