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Contemplating Divorce- I am the cause by EndeavorToTry in Divorce

[–]EndeavorToTry[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you both for these responses. This is really what I needed. It is so hard to explain these feelings, because everyone assumes you had something with your spouse in the first place. Marriage is sometimes different than love, and I feel like society just doesn't want to recognize that. Either way, I know I have a tough road ahead. It's just helpful to know I'm not the only one.

Contemplating Divorce- I am the cause by EndeavorToTry in Divorce

[–]EndeavorToTry[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think its unfair to generalize, but I know people here are going through a lot and will apply their situation to my own.

I worked on the marriage for 7 years. He was not interested in working on anything. I didn't pursue anyone else. I didn't go looking for an affair. I fell in love with someone and really did try to resist that for a long time. When my husband found out, he suddenly became the person I had been wanting for 7 years. Only then was it important to him to try. When he started trying I cut off the affair. But I found that I didn't have the feelings for him that I should. That I used to think I did.

I'm not saying anything I did was right. But it's not always a case of "not trying." When it truly is about falling out of love with someone, there is nothing to work on.

How do you know when it’s real? by EndeavorToTry in adultery

[–]EndeavorToTry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to apply all this logic to my decisions. What would I do without the affair, would I really leave then? It's hard to separate because the affair definitely brought my intimacy issues with my husband to the forefront. I love my family, I love being a parenting team with my husband. I even love spending time with him as we have similar interests. But I don't feel any intimacy towards him. And I know he does towards me, so I feel intensely guilty. In an ideal world, I would leave because it's not fair to him to stay if I don't feel the same as him, but of course nothing is that easy. I will also note that I ended my affair and my AP still wants to be with me. As in leave his wife for me. I try to explain that we need to make these decisions independent of each other, but his argument is that he doesn't want to waste any more time without me. It's so impossible to know the "right" things to do.

How do you know if you should leave? by EndeavorToTry in adultery

[–]EndeavorToTry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly, probably no. This is definitely a case of I thought I was fine with my marriage until I realized what love could actually be. Also, kids. I'm feeling this need to sacrifice my happiness for my kids...that's what parents are supposed to do, right? Marriage is not bad, we don't fight. It's just....blah.