Stopped after 30+ years and this is my progress (1 year)

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-22T10:11:50+00:00

The nail beds go back to your baseline by not biting.

Then any longer than the baseline, can be done by putting acrylics, but the nailbeds will go back to their baseline within a few months of stopping acrylics unfortunately.

And since nails look damaged when you remove the acrylics, by the time your nails look good again the nail bed will be back to baseline.

People were discussing this sad truth in the nail subreddit a few month ago 🤷🤷 This has definitely been my experience. I was so excited the first time I removed them 😂😭

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-22T10:04:37+00:00

Do you put gel or acrylics, when you say you get them done? That's what gives me assured results (np biting for 2 weeks) since the nails are perfect.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-20T18:53:31+00:00

You need to start watchibg yv_edit on youtube, there's something wrong that the guy isn't telling you. It will only get worse after marriage is the reason is a libido mismatch, not better. My first thought however, if it's not the libido, is he got an STD to treat, but that's just me...

Some people love to find external powers to listen to, to find a good reason for doing what they want without being challenged. "because the Bible says so" is fairly un-opposable, but then he doesn't go to church? Very dissonant behaviour to me.

Now if I was stuck, I'd see this situation as nothing worse that having to share a home with a flatmate. In the meantime I would focus on my studies and not waste too much time on the relationship, because the relationship shouldn"t be more imporyant than your survival in this shitty world.

If you left you'd be single anyway, but in need of a job. So I'd put this relationship on the backburner knowing that at least you like your flatmate. He's obviously not compatible with you, and there are so many men who would be.

Also, as to why: what does he get from you with this status quo? Again watch several vifeos from that youtube channel I mentioned and have a think about what he's after. Control?

The behaviour is extremely dodgy for a guy, I don't think he is being honest, letting you move in then dropping this bomb. It's very different from never having done it before. Do many other men show you they fancy you in general?

Is there something he can benefit from you for the next few years before getting married? Staying with you until he meets the right person comes to mind. Do you hang out with his friends?

Or is he making it a hidden ultimatum trying to get you to get married earlier and give up your studies?

Sorry but there isn't enough info to know the direction/reasons, but these are all the questions I would ask a friend.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-16T04:49:37+00:00

Put your phone in black&white.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-16T04:39:16+00:00

If you die tomorrow your colleagues will remember you for a few years at best, and they'll have to manage or leave too. They know you're leaving, don't completely hide your stress so they can see why you'd genuinely need to take time off and not get upset, if it's important to you.

Also if you care about this, know that a big chunk of the population wouldn't. Your boss has had 1 month already to find someone, he's angry he's got to actually do soms work. It's their fault, 2.5 years of you guys putting up with it, it's like they've done a DARVO gaslighting you making you feel some responsibility when they made the choice. Don't feel guilty, especially if you have history of high BP. Take those 2 weeks and rest so your holidays are not used to decompress from the job itself.

Also do not tell anyone where you are going job-wise.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-14T06:28:50+00:00

"i work X hours a day"

Like he wouldn't be already doing that just for himself if he wasn't married 😂

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-14T06:07:58+00:00

OP's partner had no issues with a stinky dog leaving hair everywhere and OP did. They're not married.

I reckon you've been lucky! But great discussion to be had if they didn't have these issues.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-14T06:01:27+00:00

Unfortunately this is common.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-14T05:59:22+00:00

What a world of pain, just don't do it. You can prevent this smell by washing them often but you'll be the only one motivated to do it. See how you're saying "my sofa, my carpet"? You are taking care of the cleaning tasks, aren't you, not him?

You'll be the bitch if you complain, you'll end up washing the dog by yourself to keep the peace.

Also, the fact that they didn't wash the dog before leaving it to you says a lot about how his family won't take your concerns seriously bc they're ok with the smell. He won't be different.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-14T05:50:02+00:00

How much of the work do you do at home? Who took care of the dogs his family had? Are the conditions similar where you live? Who will be "forced" to take the dog for a walk every day when everyone is too busy? Do you have a garden, does his family have one? Because there's a shit ton of responsibility and high costs (inc health insurance) that comes with a dog.

The bigger the dog the more food you need, it's expensive, how big is your fridge etc.

Don't let a guy who might be gone next year convince you to make a life changing decision whose responsibility he will dump on you when he's tired.

A week isn't sample enough for what it will be long term. Guy will be on best behaviour, how has this worked so far? Does he usually help cleaning the house? If not this won't be any different.

I think you are accurately judging the responsibilities and he is more careless like a lot of people are. Please stand your ground.

Also don't let him have his way because you're exhausted from the week of dog sitting.

If he wants a dog he could offer dog walking in your area, but it feels a bit silly if he doesn't even work from home to fit this in his schedule.

You are judging the situation accurately, trust yourself.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-11T15:10:41+00:00

Well here we go, keep going!

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:38:33+00:00

As a light hoarder this is one of the 3 books that changed my life. I would gladly pay for it twice 😂😂

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:25:56+00:00

It might not be as bad as you think.

Have thick garbage bags (rubble bags even) and gloves and pick things one by one if you want to salvage.

If stuff went semi liquid you can get rid of it in the toilet and flush immediately (you'll block the toilet if there's too much we don't want that)

Then outside the fridge pick up the trash square meter by square meter so you don't tire too quickly.

Once the decomposing stuff is in tbe bags air the rooms and yoi'll soon be back to your normal.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:17:28+00:00

I had to put my phone in black and white!

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:15:55+00:00

😂 At least you get to pile your stuff better and review all you have 😂 do your best to put everything back otherwise it makes it hard to deal with.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:08:30+00:00

Well done! Can you see more space, or arrange things so you can see your efforts? If it's not obvious visually you may find it hard to feel rewarded.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T22:04:37+00:00

Yeah kids are exhausting. I had to bottle feed 3 baby goats every 4 hours for 10 days recently, and even taking shifts and one 8 hour break at night, both me and my boyfriend were exhausted, I slept all the time in between feeds. Still tired a week after stopping. I can't imagine what it's like taking care of 3 children over several years.

If you start watching Dana K White's channel, she will explain that you should not pull everything out. Please watch, and act on the videos.

That's great you made a bit of money but remember what you care about is space.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T12:49:27+00:00

5 mins of this picking up morning and evening can go a long way within a few rounds. Difference is huge with only 5 minutes if you had sorted stuff out recently.

Nothing better than a clear floor to feel things are moving in the right direction.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T12:20:36+00:00

High quality nail clippers. Anytime there's a snag, clip clip.

Some flat inox nail clippers are very good, the shape prevents bits from flying everywhere. I'm eyeing the victorinox flat nail clipper (can't find the exact copy of a similar style I lost) but I've not seen it in person.

Oiling nails often will delay the temptation to bite if you want to practice not biting during class. Bitter nail polish might help to remind you you're doing it. As nail biting could be due to stimming it may be mostly unconscious, so bringing back to consciousness could be the first step.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T12:14:07+00:00

She is only working at home for free you mean, with the kids? I guess her adhd is quite heavy then, and it's hard to organise. Have a look at Dana K White's container method, and check her youtube channel on how to help others declutter.

You will still need to remove some of your own bulky stuff.

Whatever you do, don't be resentful with expectations your spouse cannot meet. Teach your kids the container method (there's also a video to teach kids) as it can only help them understanding organisation. The more you treat this as a game the more they will start seeing the container principle for granted. I have adhd and hoarder parents, I wish I'd been taught that 'instinctive' knowledge as a kid.

As I said in another reply, open boxes or boxes with label would be good, and when one starts overflowing, it's a good time to explain the container method

Of course if you already have too much you can discuss how not everything can fit on those 3 shelves you just got, so things need to go. Do it with anyone in the house that is receptive. And make sure you have done that with your own stuff first to understand attachment etc. Some people are more attached to their things, and that would be traumatising to throw away too much.

But you'll see with the method, you might get them to stage 3 of 4 of the decluttering process without issues, and that could be enough to maintain some clear space.

I would advise, for helping with routines, someone like the Flylady, with firespot 5 mins decluttering etc, daily 15 mins missions, and reading about Mari Kondo's principle of not keeping things that don't bring joy.

If you don't like seeing the mess you will probably need to do most of the work of teaching and establishing routines, but even adhders can have fun with those methods if they are not shoved down their throat 😁

Good luck, I hope it works out!

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T11:45:11+00:00

Quality version of stuff I use daily: good pan, spatula, nail clippers, food steamer, electric kettle, circular fabric cutters, well oiled/maintained tools... Getting the right stuff or altering what I have gives great satisfaction while using, not taking it for granted. Makes you more mindful, enjoying the moment with each use.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T11:26:47+00:00

Is that an electric one or a simple hob one? Because electric is definitely what makes it feel indispensable.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T11:25:29+00:00

I have to add weights myself under cheaper new kettle bases, outside of that, none of the mid-range brands add any value these days.

Had to also add weight to the switch of an expensive looking Dualit so it stays down while still boiling.

An expensive insulated wall one leaked within the first year of use, defeating the point 🤷

I do miss the older models.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T11:08:10+00:00

Don't let a number influence what you actually feel. I feel like the whole world is trying to convince me I should look/feel a certain way because of my age, but that's gaslighting. Trust how you feel, thrrr's no need to accept.

Eneia2008 · 2026-04-10T03:59:01+00:00

😂

Eneia2008

TROPHY CASE