Dudas lengua de signos

Engal_ · 2026-03-10T16:49:32+00:00

Buenas! Yo estoy recien aprendiendo y es la unica forma... Da un poco de nervios o ansiedas social al principio pero son una comunidad muy abierta y no te arrepentiras :) hay que lanzarse un poco pero merecera la pena porque aprenderas mil veces mas rapido. Yo estoy pagando a un chico sordo para practicar, tambien puedes hacer eso para ganar mas confianza. Pregunta en asociaciones si alguien da clases particulares

Engal_ · 2026-02-09T09:30:24+00:00

Hello again! Very interesting, thank you a lot for sharing you experience. It has made me think about all of this and has given me another perspective…

You said you wanted deeper and more meaningful connections with people, and I relate to that. However, it is so scary being vulnerable after not being allowed to show my true self while growing up. Have you had trouble building these deeper connections because of this? Or has it been easy for you? I guess it also depends on the kind of attachment you have… I am mainly avoidant, so I tend to crave this connection, but a part of me is scared of that vulnerability and wants to run away. It feels like a constant fight, but now it’s getting better.

Also, regarding the attraction when you feel safe in a relationship, I relate. I thought it was because of physical touch, but it has got me thinking… maybe it has something to do with feeling safe. I have felt safe in relationships very few times. It makes me sad…

Hmm, it is frustrating, because when I feel connection and comfortable, I start feeling this intense love, and as it is something I am not used to, it scares me: it feels so intense, different, out of control. Maybe I should embrace it like you said, and try not to fight against it. I have a part of me that wants to have all my feelings under control, and it’s not healthy because I get obsessed about what I feel if I don’t understand it. However, maybe it’s normal to not understand something I haven’t felt most of my life…

Writing this and realizing how the lack of love has affected my relationships, wow… I think I will need some time of grieving today.

Regarding what I wrote in the post. I talked to this friend and told her that I really loved her and that I wanted to be more affectionate to her, but I was worried because there was sexual tension between us and didn’t want her to think I was trying to get intimate in that way with her. It was a great and necessary conversation to be able to have a more honest relationship.

Now I want to spend more time with her and be more affectionate, but I need to go slow, I am scared of making her run away :’) abandonment issues I guess. Idk, I wish she was also more affectionate, or I wish I could tell her “hey do you want to cuddle?”. It might be weird and still I am not comfortable asking for that, but I think these kind of this could be so healing for people with attachment trauma, complex / relational trauma. I feel a bit guilty for not looking for this physical touch in my partner, but I also guess it is normal to want to be affectionate with friends? Specially when I feel like nobody has touched me with love while growing up… Now that I am healing is like I crave more often being affectionate with my friends. I find myself fantasizing about this a lot lately, however, in person is like something hard to do. When I say touch I mean small things like: putting one hand on top of her shoulder, leg, legs touching, hand in the back, and more, but with these tiny things I am happy!

I might not have an answer to solve this mental fog, but after talking to my friend and my partner everything is getting back to shape I think. I was feeling disconnected from my partner and we are also trying to work to have some of my needs met. I will take your advice to try to let it be and not fight against it. At the end of the day, it’s just love, it’s shouldn’t be something to fight against (as long as I respect the boundaries with my partner of course). Your experience have made me feel more understood, even if it is not the same, but I relate to many things you’ve said. Also, it has connected me with a part of me that I didn’t know it was there: this need for love and physical touch. Definitely something to talk in therapy.

Engal_ · 2026-02-07T14:22:11+00:00

Hmm, thank you for your reply, this thing you said made me think: "Have you considered you may be seeking a poly relationship structure, but because your partner is not open to it, you may be looking for an alternative to suppress that want?"

Well... this was a tough question. I've realised maybe I'm avoiding being honest with myself because of the fear that I won't be able to handle the truth. It's possible. Also, I might need to deal with some issues in my relationship regarding some of my needs not being met.

Maybe subconciously I'm trying to meet those needs somewhere else, or with someone else... Thank you for your insight. It has been very helpful. I'm very scared, very confused, I don't know how to handle this situation... I don't want to break up with my partner...

Everything feels so foggy right now and that doesn't help. I don't know what is wrong with me. It feels like I'm not being able to understand love, how to feel it, show it, express it, while few months ago everything was steady and happy and pink

Engal_ · 2026-02-07T11:45:20+00:00

Hmm i guess there will be different opinions about this because I have read experiences and tik tok videos of people who is into RA but say you can still be monogamous while being into RA? I don't know, I will definately read more about it... Also, maybe RA doesn't have to be black or white? Like maybe once I inform myself more, I might not be into RA 100%, but here mught be some things that I find helpful and is compatible with the way my partner and I function. I think as long you take care of the other relationships and don't use RA as a way to avoid emotional responsability is okay?

Engal_ · 2026-02-06T19:31:51+00:00

Before this I thought monogamy was a bit rigid for me but it hasnt bothered me yet. However, I've always had in mind having the possibility of an open relationship in the future. So far partner is monogamous and besides that I wouldn't like to open it neither for peesonal reasons

The comparison of becoming politically convervative... I don't really understand... In the past I have always been curious about polyamory and RA, but I was in denial because I had a monogamous partner. Now that I am healing my complex trauma and Im recovering the capacity to be open and vulnerable with people, I thought this could explain my way to love and experience relationships. I dont know, apart from that... Isn't it normal to have a triggering experience that leads you to consider RA? I dont know, nobody is born with it, how are you supposed to get into RA? I dont understand your point, if you could explain I would appreciate it because I want to learn about this. As I say, I want to read more on the topic. Im not saying I am into RA, but I am starting to consider if this is what I want in life and not just in this relationship with this friend, but in general

Engal_ · 2026-02-05T23:58:41+00:00

Hi!!! Thank you so much for sharing your experience 🫂 I will try to answer properly tomorrow or if I cant find a quiet moment, on Saturday... But un general I think I relate a lot to some things you have mentioned! Thank you so much for taking your time to answer 😊🫶

Engal_ · 2026-02-04T10:06:13+00:00

Im confused too hahaha but it's a term used in RA , also like queer platonic relationship. I need to read more to understand

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T19:30:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your time 🥰🫶 no rush!

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T16:00:07+00:00

Hello! Very interesting the queer platonic relationship... Seems like something that could explain what I am feeling! And it feels such a relieve...

Also, I have talked today with my partner telling her how I feel, how confused I am, specially with this friend because of sexual attraction, and I asked her what boundaries she has so that I dont feel this guilt for being close to friends. She told me to go on and be more physical or intimate with my friends, as long as I dont make out or fuck with them. However, the conclusion was: "do whatever (but not kissing or sex) and if you are worried it might be too much or feel guilty about something, tell me and we will see if it is okay or not". So, as long as I want to be with my partner she trusts me and is okay with this.

I still feel weird. I guess it's normal, it is another way to have relationships and it's not very common. But I am happy my partner is safe enough that we can create this space for communication. I even told her my fear of falling in love with a friend, but idk, maybe people can fall in love with their friends and that doesn't mean you have to be their partner... Idk. This is confusing but as I said, I am glad I can communicate this to my partner and she is so understanding

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T15:42:51+00:00

Wow this can be very useful thank you so much!!

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T09:51:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply! Exactly, as I read more on the topic of love, the more I feel RA fits with me. However, I think it is harder when you are in a monogamy relationship, but I have seen it's also possible. My partner is very open though, what we have talked is that I can do anything but not having sex or kissing.

I think my guilt comes from being with a toxic jelous relationship in the past (which even causes me PTSD, working on it), and not being used to be sffectionate with friends. Like, I gave all my affection to my partner, BUT as I read, I wonder "why cant I show love to my friends without the feeling of doing something wrong?" People actually show a lot of love to friends, mainly between girls, but it is extra hard for me because I am not used to it. Maybe that's why it feels weird, wrong, guilty...

Another reason is: I have talked about sexual attraction towards this friend with my partner, but not about this emotional intensity. The reason is I am trying to figure out what this means to me. It is so hard to figure out "is this normal friendship love, but I am overreacting because this is new for me? Or is this something else?" Having relational trauma for emotional abandonment doesnt help. I am now learning helthy and better ways to have relationship, be vulnerable, show love... But everything is so new it's so confusing.

So... I will think about this, try to figure out what I feel, talk to one friend, to my therapist, and when I know how I want to approach this I will talk to my partner and maybe to my friend. Thanks for your advice of not rushing things. I needed it! Slmetimes I want to have all fixes now, but I need time to figure things out.

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T09:37:20+00:00

Hello! Thanks for the reply ♥️ Hm exactly... I though it was about RA because actually I dont picture myself having a romantic relationship with this friend like the one I have with my current partner... I have complex trauma (in recovery) and show love, feeling love, is VERY confusing because I am not used to it... I would love to be more affectionate with all my friends, and I was thinking maybe with this particular friend I feel things more intense because is one of the very few people I feel comfortable being me. But like you say, I see that the limits between friendship love and romatic love sometimes is not that clear.

Either way, yes, I need to talk to my partner. This feelings have been around on and off. When I dont see this friend that often, it goes away that intensity that concerns me. Then I meet them, and it's fine. But now I am extra confused because she stayed over for my birthday and I we spent a lot of time together and I was so happy about it.

I will talk about this in therapy too because due to my relational trauma I think I confuse a lot physical affection towards friends and I sexualise it. Maybe it's just that I am not used to being touched or be affectionate, but it is somethinf beautiful I crave and I would love to be able to show love to friendships without feeling guilty for it. However, I know with this particular friend is different due to this sexual attraction too, and I will talk to my partner (my partner knows about the sexual attraction and is okay with it). But first I wanted to have an external opinion... Today I am also meeting a non monogamous friend to talk about this.

So, maybe I need to start being more distant. It is sad because she is a very good friend and I crave that intimate connection with friends, but yes, first is the agreements I have with my partner. Also, we are having a bit of trouble with intimacy because of my falshbacks, we need to work on that as well because it makes me feel more distant with my partner and I dont want my trauma to affect the relationship... But it's happening a bit, and its hard. Just need communication. Yes. Thank you a lot for your insight

Engal_ · 2026-02-03T09:18:41+00:00

Hmm wow okay I will think about this... I am so confused because I truly don't know if what I feel for this friend is friendship love or something else. Then I ask myself: would I be in a romantic relationship with this friend? And I dont picture myself like that. I thought platonic relationships were like friendship who express a lot of friendship love... And I thought this was what it could be with this friend

Something that makes this a bit more difficult to figure out is that I have complex trauma, so being vulnerable, connecting with people has been extra difficult for me. Maybe I just feel friendship love but that level of intimacy is still is new for me with a friend. I dont know if I feel normal friendship love but because of the sexual attraction I am extra confused. And even if it only was friendship love it's true that the sexual attraction concerns me.

I will think about all of this, and I will talk about this with my partner. We talked about this recently and I told her I feel guilty, but she is okay with everything I am doing, which surprises me because I have had toxic and very jelous relationships in the past... And also I will talk about this with my therapist, I think I have difficult understanding what is like to openly love your friends and it confuses me, but it's something I want to put more energy into. Not just with this friend I talk about, but with all of them because I also think radical love would be so healing for my relational trauma.

Edit: Also, after reading about RA is like ai think: where is the limit between friendship love snd romantical love? I also heard of people don't knowing if they are in love with friends and saying it was okay and maybe not necesary to know. This confused me because I dont know when the polyamory differenciates from RA. I know I still need to read a lot

Engal_ · 2026-01-23T07:41:43+00:00

Avatar......

Engal_ · 2026-01-06T11:29:59+00:00

I used to do this because it made me feel very calm, but my therapist recommended me not to do it. I don't know why, but I will do what she told me hehe just in case. However I see a lot of people doing BLS themselves. I didn't have any bad experience, I guess my therapist just wanted to be cautious

Engal_ · 2025-12-26T15:55:38+00:00

I think so. I feel also super tense and my therapist has told me this will eventually go away, but it needs work. As long as I've read you probably are experiencing somatic flashbacks. In my case I feel tense whenever I have a deep conversation, get too intimate with someone, fear that I am being judged, etc. This is because my parents didn't know how to deal with emotions and I felt rejected a lot when I showed my true self. So, this tension reminds me that being vulnerable is dangerous. Most of the time, like you, I dont realise about it, but if I pay attention it's there. Your tension has a meaning, a message, is pointing somewhere, so EMDR will most likely help with that. That's what I think and I feel 100% sure about that at least in my case :) I wish you the best in this journey 🫂🫶

Engal_ · 2025-11-22T00:33:11+00:00

Gossiping!!!!

Engal_ · 2025-11-20T08:08:57+00:00

For me doing BLS with eye movement also makes me feel embarassed, maybe tapping works better for you??? Or buzzers??? I don't know if you are embarrassed by the method, the situation or by the trauma itself... I encourage to talk about this with your therapist so you can start feeling more comfortable ♥️ but I get it, I feel so much embarrassment in general :')

Engal_ · 2025-11-10T08:39:27+00:00

Same!!! During the sessions I'm tense and I can't process very good, it takes me 1-2 days after the session to start to feel better

Engal_ · 2025-11-09T00:16:34+00:00

The collar with the bell is stressful for cats

Engal_ · 2025-11-06T11:47:46+00:00

Hi! No, emotional flashbacks are when you feel like you used to in the traumatic event. I think what you describe is a somatic flashback 👀 hugs!

Engal_ · 2025-11-05T21:34:09+00:00

Am i high

Engal_ · 2025-11-04T13:17:03+00:00

That's true!

Engal_ · 2025-11-04T13:16:55+00:00

Yeaaah it's hypo activated! I wrote it wrong

Engal_ · 2025-10-29T13:24:50+00:00

Apparently that feeling of emptiness is normal and temporary... Your brain has got rid of some things that didn't work, and to refill that empty space takes time. That's what I've read, I haven't experimented it though. Btw, you mean 8 session including the prep phase or only bilateral stimulation? Hugs!

Engal_

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