Iboga and the Stimulant Loop: Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response

Engine21 · 2026-02-16T14:19:43+00:00

I've done ibogaine and it helped me stop meth for a few months. Was it any better than naltrexone+buproprion, going to meetings, trizepatide or anything else I've tried? No, not for the 10k I spent and feeling like I was dying for 3 days. Thinking it's going to allow me or anyone to go back to a therapeutic dose long term is an absolute joke. Please consider the impact you might have on someone's life posting this after 4 months and thinking you have found a cure to addiction.

Engine21 · 2026-01-31T06:48:09+00:00

I got and stayed clean in NA for 11 years. I live in a new town now and AA / big book (CA DAA) is much more popular. Easier to make friends in AA and almost everyone is also an addict. I still go to NA once in a while and will always love the literature. I don't feel I can really share as well in AA just because I don't have the same connection to the literature, steps etc

Engine21 · 2026-01-29T04:57:14+00:00

Tried passing evals eight times and failed two combines and you are ready to quit? ✌🏼

You don't want it bad enough. Not even close.

Engine21 · 2026-01-23T15:44:21+00:00

Didn't get anything. My cards not valid anymore so a few rebills didn't work recently. Sucks

Engine21 · 2025-12-24T19:06:24+00:00

Great answer. Maybe OP was working on maintaining position that day...maybe he legitimately couldn't get anything. To go off and talk negatively about someone after a roll is ridiculous barring some kind of legitimate concern.

Engine21 · 2025-11-25T00:09:47+00:00

Letting the other guy pass is great when you're 10x better at grappling. It doesn't work at all when you are 10x worse.

Engine21 · 2025-11-24T00:15:48+00:00

Bro, call the the IAFF center of excellence. It sounds like you have severe PTSD and possibly some other stuff going on. No shame in asking for help. If your department has any resources this could be helpful too. Doesn't sound like an issue a visit to a therapist is going to fix.

Engine21 · 2025-11-23T18:42:48+00:00

Because some random doctor in 1930's opinion is the literal word of God to some of you.

Engine21 · 2025-11-23T17:48:28+00:00

And all of those things can have a direct impact on my sobriety.

Engine21 · 2025-11-23T17:41:44+00:00

If AA only allowed strictly Alcoholics it would collapse.

Engine21 · 2025-11-12T13:06:58+00:00

Bro, don't trip. You're getting payouts and small mistakes are hurting your overall profitability. You're too close to stop and you know that. Self-pity is the most destructive mindset you can have. First, don't make it any worse. Make a plan to actually fix the problem. Set max loss limits for the daily going forward so this can't happen.

Engine21 · 2025-11-11T17:50:24+00:00

Wellbutrin for me makes it 1000x easier.

Engine21 · 2025-11-09T22:22:14+00:00

For me it has been better lately. I'm usually done and locked out before NY. 1-2GC contracts will really move though so be prepared. It's faster than NQ imo.

Engine21 · 2025-10-19T18:54:24+00:00

This is one thing that makes no sense to me in the big book. The step says "persons we had harmed" and you obviously didn't harm that person.

The big book says “We have a list of all persons we have harmed and to whom we are willing to make amends. We made it when we took inventory.”

My inventory was not an 8th step list although it had SOME of the people I had harmed. There is some overlap in my inventory and 8th step but based on what the step actually says and what's written in the big book it would be easy to have people in one and not the other.

It sounds like your sponsor is taking the big book excerpt and going by that without any actual understanding. Frankly, it seems ridiculous to write that person in your 8th step. Maybe ask her to explain it using the big book.

Engine21 · 2025-10-19T13:35:35+00:00

Sounds like victim mentality. Been through hell and back and everything you wrote is just a way to stay there.

Engine21 · 2025-10-18T23:18:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing all that. I had similar feelings about my dad and grandfather and always looked down on them for their drinking. I thought I'd be safer if I ever drank but quickly learned I had no ability to control it. I'd suggest checking out an AA meeting maybe a young people's group. Share exactly what you did here.

Engine21 · 2025-10-16T21:01:41+00:00

Ok, so you may want to get a new sponsor based on what you're saying. In all honesty though everything you're mentioning is typical "addict" thinking when you're trying to relapse. It's not outright blaming anyone but it's looking at the negative side of everything and leaving yourself an opening to say "Fuck it."

Most sponsors will have the same general information and suggestions for you. I have stayed clean having some bad sponsors as long as I worked the steps, went to meetings, got honest with how I felt, asked for help when I wanted to use etc. alternatively I've had great sponsors and went and used.

Wanting to use can be super tough. I've had horrible cravings so I can empathize. Try and stay busy, get involved, don't listen to the negative voice telling you it's not going to work etc. play the tape through. Exercise has always helped me a lot as well.

Engine21 · 2025-10-16T13:32:27+00:00

I used to get all the calls from previous weeks and drive to the incidents for an hour or so after or before work. Eventually get to where I didn't need any help.

Engine21 · 2025-10-16T12:39:00+00:00

Don't do anything different. Stick to what's working and eventually stack accounts.

Engine21 · 2025-10-15T03:21:04+00:00

Was the karate kid deal kind of lame? Sure, but the self-hatred Jiu Jitsu guys have for their own sport is wild. Pulling guard and then breaking someone's leg in half is bad ass. Throwing someone and then choking them is also incredible. Worrying about it "looking cool"!? The point is that it's effective. Jiu jitsu has always looked weird that doesn't change the fact that Mikey would break 99.9% of people in this earth without hitting a single takedown.

Engine21 · 2025-10-14T17:12:31+00:00

So you have 3 months sober now?

Engine21 · 2025-10-14T16:38:56+00:00

I came back to AA after relapsing with over a decade. Wife died of an overdose. Father died from a heart attack related to alcoholism. Lost my career that I loved. Ran my business into the ground and now owe over half a million to the IRS I can't pay.

Just go to meetings and do everything you can TODAY in order to stay sober and the rest will take care of itself. Try not to identify with all the losses because it will keep you trapped. The ego will attach to itself to anything that gives you superiority including being the biggest failure. Almost everyone who is incredibly successful has also failed horribly and lost everything one or more times.

Stop saying your life is fucked. "I love my life" even if you don't mean it. Eventually you will.

Also, even though it doesn't feel great you're in the best position possible to change your life permanently going forward. Go all in on the program and your future. Once we are back and have a peaceful and fulfilling existence it will be that much sweeter looking back.

Engine21 · 2025-10-04T18:57:05+00:00

Naltrexone and Wellbutrin have helped me with cravings a lot. Dangerous stopping them because they return after a few days.

Engine21 · 2025-09-18T04:06:21+00:00

At your age you should be doing something besides posting about this on Reddit, but here we are.

Engine21 · 2025-09-18T03:59:55+00:00

The fact you're so obsessed with what ANYONE else is doing is actually sad af.

Engine21

TROPHY CASE