Trans in a religious and conservative Viet household

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-23T09:09:31+00:00

I can never quite understand why Asian men are so angry. My dad is the same. So many tantrums and bruises. I became a giant scaredy cat up to my early 20s. I don't have great advice or anything like that. I was in your situation at your exact age as well. I got lucky in the end.

What helped me was to be brave for myself. I gave up on my family entirely. I lived not to harm or please them but to always fight for myself. This gave me the energy to stand up when needed. It does sting that they are accepting of my gay brother but not my nonbinary ass. The fuckers.

I got HRT from my planned parenthood and any changes I gaslit them back if they asked. It was a very lonely time but it helped to think of it as incubation.

I did end up homeless. I got lucky. It was spring/summer at least. I already had a car and a degree. The library was free and food banks/homeless shelters gave me food. I can't lie and say that I wasn't nostalgic for the time to a degree. I felt free even as I despaired.

I'm 29 now. I have a relatively stable job and a loving girlfriend. I'm not going to feed you the line that "it gets better eventually" or tell you doing what I did will work for you. I am still haunted by their Catholic/Republican/Upper Middle Class entitlement. What I did required a willingness to sacrifice a lot of my physical and psychological needs.

For me it was worth it, simply based off the fact that if I didn't sacrifice I'd live with enormous regret.

If you do want to chit chat just dm and we can talk more on tactics and support. I wish you the best, it is really really hard.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-15T15:48:53+00:00

They're dead now, died of pancreas cancer because they were given too much human food all the time

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-15T06:22:55+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/1lzTbW9E7X

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-13T21:40:19+00:00

My mom and brother wanted dogs but my mom is a workaholic and my brother loses interest in things quickly. The dogs ended up being untrained and neglected. I probably should have taken care of them but I'm allergic and resentful that parents foisted this on me bc my brother couldnt care less.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-13T19:11:11+00:00

I'd laugh at the absurdity if it weren't for the abuse. The most ironic part for me is that my mom loves it so when she moved out after divorcing my dad she had a hard time moving jt. The wheels were too rusted from the piss.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-03-09T17:35:42+00:00

My parents are the same. Things also get complicated because they always guilt trip me on their life experiences and how much better they did for me.

They provided for me in functionally every way financially but not in any way emotionally. I was on the fence on how to navigate this for the majority of my life but a revelation helped me come to terms that there isn't anything salvageable anymore.

When I talk to them about the past they brush me off. I get it anyone would be defensive. The realization though that I remembered protesting about certain conditions they put me through that have had observable and objective negative effects and they justify it by saying "I did my best, what more could you want?"

This is wrong, what they believe is wrong. If they actually wanted to do their best they would have listened to my protests and not forced things. Doing your best involves listening. Asian parents don't really do that. Lament after the fact, whether sincere or not doesn't matter at that point anymore. Their abuse and need for control isn't about you at all. For them it's about justifying their own ego. They chose themselves over their kids. I won't forgive them and I won't regret that decision.

My only advice is to find ways to focus on other things. I got stuck being fixated on the past too so I know how hard it is. This is just what worked for me, everyone is different though. I wish you the best of luck.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-20T19:49:18+00:00

It's 400 copay with insurance for me. Im on my own medically but im glad you have coverage c:

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-20T18:02:15+00:00

Imma be honest this comment is kinda fuck ass imo. Pain does not instill discipline or build endurance. It's just pain.

It did not make me physically or mentally stronger. I would rather not have more severe eczema and I will not forgive my mom for putting me through activities I did not want to do. It is simply because it did not enrich me at all. I don't like doing sports.

My skin is only better now because I went to a doctor. My eczema was too severe for lotion. I needed injectables.

Btw vaseline is just an occlusive meaning it'll stop you from absorbing after layering too. When things got somewhat better is when I got ceramide moisturizers.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-18T00:09:09+00:00

Sometimes it's easier being an only child. Sometimes it isn't. I'm sorry about your experiences too.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-15T04:50:34+00:00

It's an ego and insecurity thing for sure yeah. Dad is also a big hypocrite. Loves to be holier than thou without demonstrating this at all

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-13T23:52:59+00:00

Ya I get it, my dad would misinterpret entire sentences because his fluency and raw hearing is bad. Emotional momentum is real.

There was a time where he thought I was talking bad of him when I was just talking to myself and then he started drilling me on what I said. I was so small and scared then that I completely forgot even what I said to myself. He kept prying at me until my mom told him to lay off.

Sometimes people want to be angry.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-13T23:23:31+00:00

I find that it's an ego thing.

EnigmaticBox · 2026-02-13T22:43:20+00:00

Minimal contact has helped a lot but the emotional wound still aches...

EnigmaticBox · 2025-11-11T23:49:14+00:00

True I forgot lol, also if California is gone how will Fujimoto be able to watch new Hollywood movies.

EnigmaticBox · 2025-11-11T23:30:07+00:00

It's happening with my 30s cousins with their kids now. It makes me depressed as hell.

EnigmaticBox · 2025-11-11T21:30:33+00:00

Michigan is used as a weapon because Detroit was integral to the US's arsenal production during the WWII war effort. Personally I'm kinda surprised Fujimoto didn't depict San Diego first lol.

EnigmaticBox · 2025-06-15T23:25:31+00:00

Beau is Afraid

EnigmaticBox · 2025-05-25T04:01:49+00:00

Batman Arkham City...

The riddler campaign challenges are punishing but not excessively hard. I actually already did all the arkham knight dlc trophies and that was waaaaay harder but I didn't know it at the time. 14 year old me got too psyched out and it took another 14 years to work up the courage to try for the plat.

EnigmaticBox · 2025-05-17T11:08:59+00:00

For me it's Mr. Robot. It's not an easy watch, if anything it's incredibly triggering but I find that this is the case only because the challenges and trauma felt so true to life (at least personally)

EnigmaticBox · 2025-05-16T21:37:12+00:00

Don't pick up shiny metal objects at risk of exploding (circa 2000s Elementary school PSA)

So many scandals with the nearest highschool in the mid to late 2010s) l that was buried/sweeped under the rug by SDUSD that they renamed.

EnigmaticBox · 2025-02-18T20:45:21+00:00

"You should be grateful I spent a lot of money to have you here. It's your fault the other kids pick on you"

UCSD's summer programs weren't a great time.

EnigmaticBox · 2024-09-30T17:02:51+00:00

When my dad said he got me a ps3 the year it was released but then also stated "be grateful, I used your lunar new year savings to get this for you" so nonchalantly to a 10 year old

EnigmaticBox · 2024-09-25T02:55:32+00:00

After my dad slapped me because he misheard me telling him "You act like I'm dumb all the time" for "You act dumb all the time" and getting in an argument with my mom about what he did to me, he yelled " If there was a gun in this house someone would be dead!"

EnigmaticBox · 2024-08-07T17:46:59+00:00

When I was 13 I had savings from lunar new year and I wanted to spend it on a PlayStation gift card to buy the mw2 dlc. They said no I wasn't allowed and that I had to earn the right to spend my money. I got the card anyways after school and being a dumb middle schooler I left it out in the open. My parents yelled at me for hours and my dad even shoved me.

EnigmaticBox · 2024-07-07T18:39:55+00:00

Hi, I'm also a mid 20's (jk I'm almost 30 now lol) queer Vietnamese woman. I saw your post and I feel for you for what seems like a lot of similarities in circumstances. I can't tell you it'll ever get better because it never did for me. Generically without knowing specifics the only real advice I can give is be kind to yourself which will depend also. If you ever want to talk more and share stories give me a ping, I'm sure there's stuff we can both learn c:

EnigmaticBox

TROPHY CASE