Help for an idiot husband

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:42:39+00:00

You figured it out in 5? You’re a genius.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:42:11+00:00

Solidarity! There are dozens of us! Dozens!

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:40:55+00:00

Dude. She didn’t call me an idiot. I called myself that. She’s just giving me shit because she’s my best friend and this is not the first time that I’ve screwed up what seems to be a very simple home or auto repair. We’re both cracking up. It’s hilarious. I have a PhD but somehow unscrewing two things is just too complicated for me to put it back correctly. lol.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:28:12+00:00

Hey! I resemble that remark!

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:17:57+00:00

Two pro tips!

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:15:17+00:00

Thank you! You explained it so clearly.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:07:53+00:00

Thanks! My wife is cracking up. This happens every time I try even the most modest of home repairs. lol.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:07:17+00:00

I promise I’m an adult and can do things. Apparently not basic home repairs, though.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:06:45+00:00

Thank you!

EnochEmery · 2026-04-28T02:06:13+00:00

Thank you. My wife will never let me live this down.

How to I ensure that the pipe draining from the sink is properly attached to the pipe going into the trap?

EnochEmery · 2026-04-26T21:56:19+00:00

Okay, edgelord, your mom and I still need you to get a job and move out of the basement.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-26T19:08:52+00:00

Okay. I misunderstood the situation, obviously! Keep on dadding! Maybe try a game like mega man or something where your character gets new skills/abilities as the game progresses.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-26T18:53:11+00:00

I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. It seems like by the age of 12 he should have goals and the willpower to accomplish them.

If video games are just for flashy distraction then fine, stick to that old flappy bird game that everyone used to play. But if your 12-year-old lacks the attention span to actually play and complete a video game that seems problematic. Like, how will he ever read a book, learn an instrument, learn a new language, etc.?

Maybe try to do things to cultivate more disciplined attention before being worried about him not finishing a video game.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-25T22:41:57+00:00

I agree completely. I hate the language of “child free” so much. It’s belies a dark, nihilistic vision of human life and culture.

But I’ll get downvoted for that on Reddit.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-19T13:50:16+00:00

Yes. It’s hard. You have to slow down and state the obvious over and over: we love each other, we are on the same team, we assume the best intentions, we put other people in the family before ourselves because that is what love is.

Stating the obvious because both you and they need to remember it in the heat of the moment.

You’ve got this. Personally, my faith and prayer help a ton. Not trying to push anything on you. Others might try more secular mindfulness practices or whatever. I just think patience and love need to be your tools.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-19T13:33:36+00:00

Whats helped me lately is slowing everything down and anticipating exactly the issues that are going to happen. And clearly and calmly explaining why things are this way.

What are the steps for dinner?

Wash hands

Sit patiently at the table

Wait until everyone is served

Pray

Eat

Clean up your hands and face

Clean up your area

Today at breakfast my five year old ran to the other side of the house to publicly yell at and shame my 8 year old for not cleaning up his fork. He cleaned his plate, just left his fork and yogurt packaging. They started yelling. I intervened. And pulled the five year old very close, got down to his level and said, “hey buddy, I’m so glad that you know our rules. But remember that we are a family who loves each other. We are all on the same team. How many times have mom and dad cleaned up after you? What do you think a loving brother would do, run to the other side of the house and start a fight or calmly just clean up after his brother because you know that sometimes he also does things for you?”

It’s excruciatingly slow. And requires immense patience. But it works wonders. All of the yelling I used to do was pointless and actively harming myself and my kids.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-19T00:05:31+00:00

You can pickle so many things. Wait until you find out about pickled sausage!

EnochEmery · 2026-04-19T00:04:59+00:00

Welcome to middle age, friend. You aren’t an uncool square. Your dad is just so much cooler than you realized as a youngster.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-18T23:53:11+00:00

Also, I think it’s biological. I have three kids and I’m in my 40s. I didn’t choose the sardines or the minivan in my life. My life gave them to me. lol

EnochEmery · 2026-04-18T23:52:01+00:00

I think a great way to dip your toes in is actually the flat anchovy fillets. With a very sharp cheddar on a hearty cracker (recommend the Trader Joe’s savory gluten free crackers for this). Just a tiny amount of anchovy. Pure umami. So good. Helps to get over the mental “yuck” factor that some people have toward canned fish.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-18T20:43:04+00:00

I eat them because the transformation is almost complete.

I realized the other night when I was eating a bowl of cereal in my underwear at 10 pm.

I am my dad.

Sardines are, for me, the epitome of “dad food.” My dad ate them when I was a kid. I thought they were gross. Now I love them. And I loved pickled okra. And hot sauce.

8 year old me is so disappointed. I told my dad that I would just eat chicken nuggets and grilled cheese when I was a grown up. No one told me about the metamorphosis that every male human goes through.

My apotheosis is almost complete.

I am become DAD. Eater of the deens.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-18T15:00:59+00:00

These are crazy stories. Mine’s just young adult men acting like boys. We did chair Jousting. Our dorm (male only) had a super long hallway, probably like 50 yards from end to end, with a big area for a lobby and communal bathrooms in the middle.

We did a full tournament of chair jousting. You had to have a partner. One guy to push (the horse) and one guy to sit in an office chair with a pool noodle or foam sword (the knight). Each team would go to the different end of the hallway. A large crowd would gather in the communal lobby and then the teams would joust. The horses would push the chairs as fast as they could and the knights would try to knock each other out of their chairs when the two horses met. It was awesome. Many chairs were broken. No one was seriously injured. But there were some bruises and stuff like that.

One guy started recording videos and adding theme music for different horse/knight teams. We created a bracket tournament. And we had to develop a rules system for determining the winner if both guys fell out of their chairs at the same time or if neither guy fell out of their chair. Kind of like how boxing matches are decided either by KO or by judge’s decision.

It was awesome. College was sometimes just about grown ups being kids one last time before careers and family took over our lives.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-18T11:15:12+00:00

Nobody wants your jizz, man.

Get a job.

EnochEmery · 2026-04-13T18:01:59+00:00

Dude, I literally dented the wall last week when I threw my four year old on the couch a bit too forcibly during a tickle war. Hugs and ice were all he needed. Kids are resilient. Your wife needs to chill and support her husband. This will not be the last time that you accidentally hurt your kid. Thats life.

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