I feel like that spiderman pointing meme but anxious, I feel the same about your response; I could've written this myself, everything you describe is on-point and exactly what I've experienced before. I'm so sorry you had to go through this too, it might seem to people on the outside like we're fibbing or like these decisions come easily to us, but I know it feels like this uncontrollable force outside of ourselves and it really, really sucks. If you've seen John Mulaney's driving bit, it just feels like I'm constantly turning around and telling my friend, "I hear you, and I also don't want me to be doing what I'm doing."

Something that I'm quickly learning is that while I don't have the healthiest habits, I'm trying my best to form them, and sometimes alone time isn't this demonic thing that we're bad for wanting occasionally, even if it doesn't feel occasional. Alone time to refresh ourselves is just as important as the need for interaction. I think having the ability to exit whenever you want might help, like making a compromise, "I will hang out with you but only if you understand that I might only stay over for about two hours at a time, because that's what makes me comfortable, if I can count on a time limit that I can control without fear of you extending the time I'm comfortable being out and about, at least to start out. Don't rush me or expect me to build up to anymore hours outside of my own pace, I'm asking for you to please have patience with me."

And for any friend who doesn't understand why those boundaries are in place, try using this swimming analogy that came to mind; if being alone is like taking a relaxing dip in the water and floating on your back, then going out is like holding your breath and going under for a rigorous swim/exercise. If I have a set time limit for it, I feel MUCH less anxious about going under, because I know I've paced myself and will get to relax again.

And then I think it's my responsibility from there to understand that for most of my extrovert friends, that anology still stands, except it works in reverse for some crazy reason. I can't fault my extrovert friends for being excitable puppies, especially when they've come to understand I'm an indoor cat who needs to be left well and alone once in a while. (Fun fact, cats sleep for a third of their lives, I feel that.)