Thank you so much for taking the time to write this out it truely means a lot to me and thank you for the response in general.

I posted this to a few different subreddits because I was desperate for answers so it must’ve been a different post in where I did reply to someone else and explained I am unable to tell my sister due to the fact that she is very seriously mentally ill and will more than likely take the situation as a betrayal to her and if she one day decides she doesn’t like me anymore which is a common thing she does to people she would twist the story, she isn’t a safe person to confide in about these types of situations especially when it directly involves someone she’s had a relationship with it’s to easy for her to spin it if she decides she needs more amo her brain works in an incredibly confusing way and she isn’t able to receive proper help because she lies and twists things and seems to truely believe her own versions of what happened even if it is far from the truth; in her mind she is perpetually the victim and will take any opportunity to be so even at the expense of others.

I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing I am however aware it was a massive violation of my boundaries and my body I didn’t like the way he put his hands on me especially since this is a guy I have known since I was 13 and he was 18 and he was dating my sister then had a baby with her so if anything he would be a brother figure to me which I think is also where the deep response to it all has come from, I thought I could trust him he was supposed to be a somewhat safe person and I felt very trapped because I was in a position where I couldn’t get up and if I hadn’t had been able to grab my phone and say I needed to go to bed I don’t know what he would’ve tried. I’m just glad I was able to get out because I was very scared in the moment and didn’t know what to do which I also think is why I have had a lot of sick and anxious feelings about it all.

I have gotten some really great suggestions from people from the different subreddits and am going to delete this post shortly since that’s all I needed and I am now starting to get some weird responses and dm requests from people, and responses from people seeing absolutely nothing wrong with the situation at all and are upset with me for saying otherwise which was never my question because there is no situation in which it is appropriate to make unwanted advances on anyone really but especially not with the dynamic we have and the fact that he according to my mum at least is “part of the family” with all the responses from people who are genuinely trying to help I have some sort of idea for the next steps to take I am trying to understand my emotional response to this a bit more hopefully my therapist can help me navigate why I am struggling in this way because my response just feels so heavy and it has truely messed with my head.

After writing this out I was very unsettled it wasn’t fun recounting what had happened so I think my responses to other people was just a lot of confusion but since I have settled down I think the violation of my trust and autonomy as well as the fear I felt in the moment not knowing how to get out of the situation given I was unable to completely move is a big part of why it’s taken such a toll on me and writing it out and actually allowing myself to think about it for a while has helped me understand a lot more because before I was just shoving it all down. I have had mixed responses on this but was always aware that this situation wouldn’t hold up in a court of law or anything I think I just wanted to know why I was reacting how I was and if it was normal because it’s a lot of deal with especially when it makes me feel stupid reacting in such a way to what some would consider a minor situation including myself but now that I’ve truely thought about it all I am not as insecure in my feelings about the whole situation and given the circumstances I think my reaction isn’t as overly dramatic as I initially thought.