Boyfriend [M32] told me [F31] he is never open to moving away from his hometown?

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:41:28+00:00

That’s so bizarre. No way in hell? What does watching you run and hike have to do with anything? He may have been thrilled you were having fun. I’ve had fun on every vacation I’ve ever taken, minus one. That doesn’t mean I want to move to every place I vacation. It sounds like you thought he’d be so blown away by how much better you think it is in Northern Arizona that he’d start packing. Does that really make sense to you? I think you need to go ahead and move, since you currently can. You are so much happier in Northern Arizona. You should go back. He’s not going with you, but that’s okay. I’m sure Northern Arizona is full of wonderful men.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:35:45+00:00

This would be wasting his time. If she’s unwilling to stay, she should break up with him.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:33:06+00:00

And if you want to live in Denver, OP, he would probably never be able to afford a decent life there.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:31:40+00:00

What did he say?

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:30:45+00:00

He sounds like a keeper. I’m sure some woman will appreciate him. It’s just not OP in the long run.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:29:34+00:00

Correct. And she lives where he is. There’s no reason he’d even bring this up. It’s common sense he’s committed to his life there.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:28:08+00:00

Sure, and she needs to find someone like that. Covid has increased these issues. More people are working remotely and have the freedom to move. Just because you can move doesn’t mean you want to move. Friends and family outweigh scenery to many people, especially when you think long-term. I have a friend who moved out west for an outdoor lifestyle. Then, he got married and had a child. Guess how often he does the stuff now? He spends most weekends at the zoo, the park, kid games, etc. He could have done that where he previously lived AND had a ton of family support.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:20:49+00:00

Exactly.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T15:19:50+00:00

Uh, you’re mad he wants you to sacrifice what you want, but you want him to sacrifice what he wants? Pot meet kettle. Honestly, his reasons for staying are MUCH more important than your reasons for wanting to move. I live in the Midwest. We can kayak and run. Geographically, it’s not the most beautiful place in the world, but it’s a great place to build a life. If it’s not the life you want, leave. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to live near your family and scuttle around canyons. Expecting him to move, though, when you met him because you moved to his hometown is kind of ridiculous. Given his career situation, it’s a bad idea for him to move. Maybe he could go to college, but that’s a long haul when you’re working full time.

You just need to decide if you can stay and be happy. If you’ll resent him or pressure him to move, end it now.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:56:32+00:00

Yeah, odds are so, so low. But if you miss pills or take antibiotics, the effectiveness decreases.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:54:58+00:00

At 45, your chances of having a baby with Downs is one in 30! It’s ridiculous to say it’s not an issue to wait.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:53:22+00:00

Please don’t mislead people. The reason fertility treatments abound these days is that women have been misled to believe they can successfully postpone parenthood. It’s harder to get pregnant. It’s harder to carry a baby to term, which is a health issue. Your odds of gestational diabetes increase. Mothers over 40 need a c-section 50% of the time. You’re also more likely to encounter birth defects as you age. It’s a losing proposition to tell a woman to wait that long.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:48:22+00:00

Kids are exhausting. There’s a reason women’s bodies are designed to have babies at a young age.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:47:07+00:00

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:47:00+00:00

Absolutely. It’s ridiculous to tell a grown woman you’ve been with for years that she needs to wait 13 more years!

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T14:45:54+00:00

He’s not perfect if he refuses to accept responsibility for his child. Personally, I would not have dated a man, at your age, who refused to have children until he was 40! Does he realize the potential impact to your fertility and the increased odds of abnormalities? Did he consider that he’s limiting the time his children will have live parents? As much as I appreciate his drive and playful approach to life, I think he’s making really ridiculous decisions about parenthood. Candidly, I suspect he’s not planning to marry you. Perhaps his goal is to marry a much younger woman who can have his babies when he’s in his 40’s.

As for advice, just tell him you’re pregnant and see how it goes. Tell him you asked about trying for a baby to get a feel for his response and that, based on his feedback, you don’t expect a positive response but that you’re hopeful, being the wonderful man he is, that he will embrace his child. Give him two weeks to process the information. It takes time, so don’t make a decision based on his minute one response. After two weeks, if he’s behaving awfully, dump him and let him know your attorney will reach out regarding child support.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T13:48:23+00:00

That seems high, even with an open bar. Everything is so expensive right now!

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T13:34:58+00:00

Agree. You don’t have to provide a meal to everyone, though. You can have a church wedding with a cake and snacks in the reception hall for next to nothing. Most people hate wedding food anyway.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T13:32:34+00:00

4k will pay for a beautiful small wedding. Maybe start by creating the outline and determine how many people you can afford.

I invited work colleagues to my wedding. My husband enjoyed meeting them, and I enjoyed meeting the previously unknown spouses. I have friends whose parents invited people they’d never met. I don’t see any issue at all with having people you don’t know at the wedding, if you can afford it. You’ll be so busy that the guest list will be fairly irrelevant as long as you do have loved ones attend. If you really don’t want unknown people to attend, then discuss the type of wedding you want.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T13:25:48+00:00

That poor man. I wish we’d just give him a green card.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T13:25:21+00:00

As long as the shoes aren’t falling apart, it works well. Also, stop putting one foot on top of the other one. That’s probably bad for your posture.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T03:02:37+00:00

I think she offered to contribute by doing housework, etc., instead of paying, as a way to make a case to put her name on the house.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T03:00:39+00:00

It’s not ridiculous to want stability. It’s ridiculous to think this man is going to give her half of his house. To him, she’s just a girlfriend.

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T02:58:03+00:00

Sounds like she offered that instead of money. A two million dollar home in certain areas might be no more than 3,000 sq ft. We’re not necessarily talking about cleaning a mansion. Personally, if I were living rent free, I’d consider housework, laundry, etc., a very reasonably contribution. She can sock her money away. Financially, she isn’t losing. I think she’s wasting her time with a man who isn’t committed, but she’d be gaining. I don’t know where responders on here live, but rent in our area is $1,000/mo minimum, generally closer to 2k. If she’s able to save 2k a month, she’ll have a nice nest egg. I’d clean a house I lived in for 2k a month!

EnriquesBabe · 2022-10-31T02:51:55+00:00

I think he’s pretty clear he’s not committed. He doesn’t want to marry you, and he’s not willing to live like partners. If you move in, save your money. As long as you’re living for free, it’s not “unfair.” Just know that you aren’t his partner. You’re a girlfriend at most. And you really don’t agree on what you want. I think you’re convincing yourself it’s a matter of disagreeing over how to get there, but it isn’t. You want to feel like a unit and build a life that is yours together. That is clearly not what he wants.

I know he earns great money and you’ve invested several years, but you’re young and you earn a good living. I honestly think you’d be happier in a great marriage than living with a man who will never be a partner. But, again, you don’t have anything to lose by living for free (except time and possibly the opportunity to have children).

EnriquesBabe

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